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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think I wasnt being precious about the shop assistant telling my ds off

125 replies

mrsleroyjethrogibbs · 05/01/2009 16:02

Today MIL and me and the two children were in a pretty much deserted fabric shop looking at zips. DS was standing inches from MIL touching but not pulling at the display of cotton.He was literally pointing at the colours saying their names when one of the shop assitants who was standing nearby came over to him pushed/tapped his hand away from the display and told him quite roughly 'No thank you'.
I was quite shocked as ds scurried and tucked himself under MIL who looked at me as if to say 'OMG what is she on??'.

As we walked through the shop MIL said ' well that was a bit out of order. He wasnt pulling anything and since when is she allowed to touch someone elses children and tell them off'.
Now granted he was touching the cotton reels BUT he wasnt pulling he was simply just going through the colours as actully we were standing next to him and watching him.

I was really annoyed tbh and spoke to the manager and said that whilst I appreciate he was touching things (he is only 3) I think it would be more appropriate if the lady had asked me to tell him not to touch them rather than tapping his hand away and telling him off herself.
She was sympathetic and said yes she shouldnt have touched him at all and of course children touch things.

I came away thinking ...god am I being precious about him? I know he is not a model child. He cant keep his hands to himself at the best of times.. but still....
___

OP posts:
Bonnycat · 05/01/2009 16:45

Am kidding honestly,it made me laugh.

laweaselmys · 05/01/2009 16:52

lol, I always think it's hard in descriptions like this though - because I wouldn't have a problem with anyone really touching my child to say no and get their attention, but if it was a tap or a slap I would.

I still don't get why the assistant had a problem though. What a wierdo.

pointydog · 05/01/2009 16:55

The assistant was perhaps a little old-fashioned-strict about it but I am surprised by so many of you throwing your arms up. I can understand why they don't want any fingerprints on cotton or material.

OrmIrian · 05/01/2009 17:25

I think it would be her unfriendly assuming-the-worst manner that would piss me off more than the tap on the hand.

Libralovesbiscuits1975 · 05/01/2009 17:30

Actually I think you are being precious, you were standing by him and hadn't told him not to touch the material, I am sure you would have been annoyed if you had got home and found out you had been sold dirty material from where someone (child or adult) had put their sticky mitts.
So YABU.

pointydog · 05/01/2009 17:41

The little boy was touching all the cotton reels when he shouldn't have been. I don't think the assistant was assuming anything worse than that.

Original poster
mrsleroyjethrogibbs · 05/01/2009 17:42

hmm Yes i was standing beside him and was keeping an eye on him touching the cotton reels which are incidently shrink wrapped. I know I touch stuff before I buy it so I cant seem the difference. I simply dont think that he was being naughty or she should have the right to tell him off. I am his mother not her. plus I do think its ok to touch certain things but not others and had told him to be careful

OP posts:
sunnygirl1412 · 05/01/2009 17:45

When I am looking at fabrics, I touch them - I want to know how they feel. I'm not going to buy a fabric that I haven't been able to touch.

And how dirty, honestly, is the little lad going to make the reels of cotton (he wasn't touching the fabric, Libra, if I've read the thread correctly) - he wasn't taking them out and mauling them, just pointing at them.

However, if it is the shop's policy not to allow children to touch, then the assistant should have approached the adult with the child and asked politely if they could stop him touching the cottons. Even if the child was (apparently) unsupervised, surely she could have asked him to stop touching first, before getting physical!

Just one thought - would people be saying that the OP was being precious if it was she or her mother who'd been manhandled by the assistant?

BalloonSlayer · 05/01/2009 17:45

I can't believe you are all so that someone dared to touch someone's child - in front of them!!

Is this a wind up?

If she slapped his hand away, then maybe you have cause for complaint. But honestly, I am staggered.

What would you do in old person in the street ruffled your child's hair. Call the police?

pointydog · 05/01/2009 17:45

ahhh! You didn'y say they were shrink-wrapped. That's rather crucial, isn't it.

Is it only a mother who can tell a child off in such a small-scale way? I would disagree.

Tiramissu · 05/01/2009 17:50

Well tbh i can see why she wanted to stop him.
Toddlers offen have choc/juice/dirt in their hands and you said he was touching the fabric. So i think you should see her point. sorry.

I dont see why people have to follow this protocol of asking the parent s permission to say smth to the child. Sorry if i am harsh but i always find this a bit over the top.

But a tap on his hand is a NO NO. So UANBU on this one

Original poster
mrsleroyjethrogibbs · 05/01/2009 17:51

she pretty much did slap his hand away. which was why i was bothered.

OP posts:
Libralovesbiscuits1975 · 05/01/2009 17:54

ok well first the OP said he was pointing at them then she said he was touching them and now she is saying they were shrink wrapped, next we are going to find out he was actually just looking at them thru a glass window.
Children do tend to have dirtier hands than adults as they just don't care if their mitts are sticky. However I do not have the - this is my child and I am the only one who should be allowed to discipline them - viewpoint. Yes I think the shop assistant should have probably said something to you first but you obviously weren't going to stop your son from touching things otherwise you already would have. I think you did and are over-reacting.

Original poster
mrsleroyjethrogibbs · 05/01/2009 17:57

fair enough I am over reacting. I take that on board.
For my ds I would imagine its impossible for him to point at stuff without touching occasionally especially as he was going through the colours.
I have never seen cotton reels in that kind of shop which isnt shrink wrapped but felt the need to clarify that they were as people saying that he might have had dirty fingers (fair enough he is 3 although they were not imo)

OP posts:
Scotia · 05/01/2009 18:03

You are not over reacting. Your ds wasn't doing anything wrong.

Hulababy · 05/01/2009 18:05

YANBU. It would have annoyed me too.

resolutions · 05/01/2009 18:18

can i ask something?
parenting seems to have become more proactive since my elder ones were babies,when i was quite fussy about car seats and peanuts etc,but a lot of people weren't then.
So fast forwarding to2006 when youngest started school,I didnt want him to be forced in/manhandled in as it were but the headmaster got cross cos i wouldn't force him, grabbed him and he was carried in horizontally thru 2 sets double doors by 2 or 3 teachers.
He had never had a tantrum in his life,just wanted to stay home where he was v happy.
Would you all have found that ok or would you have complained or something?

LucyEllensmummy · 05/01/2009 18:24

I am surprised you managed to keep your hands off her - i would have gone mental

wotulookinat · 05/01/2009 18:25

I would not have been happy either. I don't think you were being precious.

n5rje · 05/01/2009 18:28

A similar thing happened to me, my dss weren't touching anything but were being a bit noisy in a shop and the assistant shouted at them to be quiet. I was a few steps away from them and she shouted before I had a chance to say anything and I was really annoyed so I agree with the OP. I don't think its being precious to object I think its plain rude to discipline children when the parent/carer is right next to them. I was so cross I didn't speak to the manager but I did decide not to shop there again.

LucyEllensmummy · 05/01/2009 18:29

Balloon slayer, i do get what you are saying about old people ruffling my childrens hair. Of course i wouldn't call the police, but i wouldnt like it either. My DD is very shy and cannot bear to be touched by people she doesn't know. But they do fecking insist don't they - especially when DD is mid whine, of course it just makes it worse - i find myself smiling through gritted teeth when i just want to scream, fuck off and leave her alone, can you not see she is shy! SHY i tell you, which means she doesn't want your hairy face inches from hers with your fecking false teeth threatening to fall into her lap and your parma violet breath - you are traumatizing my child now fuck off and leave us alone you old crab. Oh no, i just stand there and say, "oh, she is very shy" and things like "oh, lucy don't worry, she is a nice lady" .

sorry, just thought id get that out

wotulookinat · 05/01/2009 18:33

Hee hee
And breathe!

Tiramissu · 05/01/2009 18:37

Tbh after reading posts here i will be scared to even look at children when i come back in uk.

But why then on many occasions you are complaining about britain being 'not child friendly' ?

TsarChasm · 05/01/2009 18:39

Blimey...are there armies of old people rampaging about terroising children or something?

sunnygirl1412 · 05/01/2009 18:44

As I said in my previous post, would anyone on this thread be happy if their hand was slapped away from the cottons in a haberdashery?

And I certainly didn't say that the shop assistant should have asked permission to tell the child to stop - I said she should have asked the adult with the child to stop them touching - ie: 'Please stop your little lad touching the cottons' NOT 'Please may I ask your little boy to stop touching the cottons'.

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