AIB a nagger and a party-pooper?

[Sophiechen]

This is totally trivial, but I'd be curious to hear other people's opinions.

My DH and I have a great relationship overall, but sometimes I feel like such an old nagger. Just realised that in the last 24 hours I've nagged at him on at least three different occasions when in fact each time he was doing something quite kind.

1. He went to the supermarket with our 4-year-old DS. I met them at the checkout and found that DS was sitting in the shopping trolley. I said "Don't you think it's a bit gross to have him sitting in there with his outdoor shoes on?" (The walk to the supermarket is quite gritty and muddy, apart from whatever else might be on his shoes.) He agreed that yes, actually, it was.

2. We gave a DS a (by our standards quite expensive) new bike for his birthday, which he hasn't had much chance to practice riding yet, so the two of them went outside this morning to have a go. After twice seeing DH ride past on it ("demonstrating" how to do it ) I leaned out of the window and tried to point out lightheartedly that it probably wasn't in the bike's best interests.

3. Yesterday he washed the kitchen floor. He doesn't like using the mop so he used a dishcloth instead. When I noticed the used cloth on the washing pile this morning, I asked him not to use that kind for the floors because they're meant for the kitchen surfaces. He agreed in a long-suffering frustrated tone.

So, would these things bother you and what would you do about it?

(Should add, he works more than fulltime and I only do sporadic bits of freelance work, so although he is very hand-on when he's here, day-to-day domestic and family stuff feels very much like my domain.)

Oops, bit of trouble with my crossings-out there.

these wouldn't bother me in the slightest

Yabu.These things wouldnt register with me in the slightest.

You are nagging- sorry

Okay!
Am curious to see if it's unanimous.

I would say most of these things are moans but the floor cloth one is a question of hygiene. There I would take issue.

well my dh would not take the children to ride there bikes on his own, hardly ever enters a supermarket and although he knows what a mop is would not know if it was any good or not!!!

do you not think life is to short to moan about these silly things

some things irritate the hell out of me too but not any of these. on the matter of hygiene, my DS used a teatowel that my DH had used to dry the chicken with to dry the dishes with, I made DS wash and dry them again. Now everytime he dries up he asks " has this been used on the chicken" it makes me laugh just thinking about it

Sorry, but you really are nagging. Pick your battles or when you really need to make a point to him he won't even notice.

And while I agree there's a safety issue about children riding in supermarket trolleys (other than in the seat), I wouldn't exactly call it 'gross'... my DH has worked extensively with some major food retailers and the tales he's told me about the cleanliness of their warehouses make me think that a child's outdoor shoes near your food is the least of your worries....

These things would bother me too, but I wouldn't necessarily say anything about it. Though that means I bottle things up, which isn't a good thing either.

Perhaps the best option is to come and vent here, then we'll be able to let little irritations wash over us, and concentrate on the bigger good things that our dh's are doing.

PMSL @ leaning out the kitchen window!

Your lucky that your DH is so hands on.

I think you should shut up and leave him alone to be honest, being niggled at like that would really piss me off. He's not a child and the decision about which cloth to use, whether he was going to break the bike and whether your son's shoes were dirty were his to make, not yours. You're not responsible for his behavior, so stop trying to discipline him.

Are you my evil twin?! Have been noticing my nagging a lot recently too, really similar to yours! Seem to pick at things more when pregnant (like now) and frustrated/bored.
Think having a partner that is helpul with children, cleaning etc then we're actually quite lucky, certainly compared to some of my friends...

Stop nagging so much and I shall join you!!

omg, i want to swap DHs. He let me have a lie in this morning as i am full of cold, and when i came down the living room was a pigsty - used nappy on the floor, crumbs and toys everywhere, DS still in pyjamas, he hadnt given him any milk etc etc.

i would faint if i ever saw my dh wash the floor. seriously. yabvu, and should be very grateful he is so involved in family life.

YABU - you are being quite nagging about tiny trivial things. If my DH was half this godd I would be over the moon

I don't think you are being that unreasonable. But then, I am lining up a session to go over dh's recently failings... he's been away for 24 hours, back soon, and I have been very pissed off to discover:

• a saucepan in the fridge with left-over pasta going bad (hidden behind some large packets so I hadn't seen it). Unhygienic and just wrong - saucepans aren't designed for fridges/no wonder I didn't have enough saucepans last night etc. etc. etc.

• a load of assorted stuff thrown on the floor of the conservatory AND scissors left on a chair. WHY leave stuff on the floor? I'm not talking one or two books or toys, I'm talking a whole heap of things like micro-diskette thingies, toys, books, paperwork, pens...

• something else that really pissed me off that I've forgotten about now but will no doubt recall.

I think objecting to the saucepan, scissors and floor-covering are entirely reasonable and will not brook any objections!

Thanks everyone for your answers. It's helpful, honest.

I can see that it's petty. That's why I posted really.

Can't work out though whether it's over the top to be bothered by those kind of things in the first place, or unreasonable to expect DH to accommodate my uptightness. Both, I suppose?

Am (almost) laughing myself now at the window image. That's exactly what I mean. I feel like some kind of caricature of a nagging wife.

By the way, I did thank him for the three things I mentioned above. We both work hard and are grateful to each other for what we do.

I'm sorry about your DH, peanutbutter, and hope you can make things more the way you want them. Yes, life is too short to "moan about silly things", but that doesn't mean women should have to be excessively grateful just their partners actually are partners, IYKWIM.

...just THAT their partners actually are partners...

I've feel like I've been nagging recently. My chief gripe at the moment is that DH used a coat hanger to unblock the loo last week. The said coat hanger is still on the bathroom floor despite being nagged at least once aday to throw it out!! Its driving me mad

YABU about the first 2, but I would need to comment on the 3rd one.

Right, I told dh about the saucepan and he tried to argue that we just had different points of view. I said my point of view was that if he tried it again he'd be hit over the head with a frying pan Tom and Jerry stylie. I think we've got that one sorted...

I think it's great he did the shopping, cleaned the kitchen floor and went out on the bike with ds

I agree you should keep your nose out and leave the poor bloke alone! He was doing the shopping, cleaning and teaching his kid to ride a bike for goodness sake!!!!! It's not that you should be so grateful for what he's doing that it doesn't matter how it's done but what he is doing is perfectly adequate; I doubt it would have occured to more than one in a million people to worry about ds having his outdoor shoes on in the trolley......

So yes, YABU and you need to take one or two big steps back and chill out!

I'm sure we all get frustrated at trivial things - I know I do, but in answer to your question yes a little nagging.