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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have misgivings about lending my wedding dress to my sister?

60 replies

bangandthedirtisgone · 03/01/2009 18:21

Am I being silly here?

DH and I got married nearly 2 years ago and paid for most stuff ourselves, including my dress.

My sister is getting married and her DP's family are going to pay for the reception. She's told me she wants to save money, which I can understand, but to achieve this she wants to borrow my wedding dress! I'm a bit taller than her but we're roughly the same size so it may well fit.

I guess, selfishly, I feel that I want my dress to be just mine, and it will look weird when my parents have our wedding photos up with us in the same dress.

The other part of me thinks I might jsut be being a bit precious and bridezilla about it though.

WHat do you think? I haven't given her an answer yet.

OP posts:
nancy75 · 03/01/2009 18:23

i dont think i would like it. there was a thread yesterday on bargain wedding dresses and stuff, why not offer to help her find her own dream dress?

BitOfFun · 03/01/2009 18:24

If you can't do it while feeling generous, then don't. Just explain why and offer to help her find a bargain on eBay or similar. Are you perhaps a bit peeved she is getting more help than you did?

memoo · 03/01/2009 18:24

I think you are being a little unreasonable, its not like you're going to wear it again is it?

IllegallyBrunette · 03/01/2009 18:24

I don't think yabu at all.

rubyslippers · 03/01/2009 18:25

i would be thrilled and delighted personally BUT it is a personal decision

could be the start of a wonderful tradition though ...

Original poster
bangandthedirtisgone · 03/01/2009 18:25

Not peeved about the help, no. We were offered help but wanted to do it ourselves.

OP posts:
Northernlurker · 03/01/2009 18:25

Well when are you ever going to use it again?

I think it's nice to be able to use it - she will doubtless have different hair and flowers and jewellery from you. She might have a wrap or a shrug, add straps or take them off.

You know - one big white dress on a picture looks much the same as another - what you notice is the brides happy face. Stop being a grumpy-trousers and hand it over!

iamaLeafontheWind · 03/01/2009 18:26

I think that it's lovely that she likes your dress enough to want to wear it.

dittany · 03/01/2009 18:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MommyHasaHeadache · 03/01/2009 18:35

I don't think YABU - think I would feel the same.

NAB3lovelychildren · 03/01/2009 18:36

YANBU

A dress doesn't have to cost a lot.

pamelat · 03/01/2009 18:38

Not unreasonable, but I think it could also be the start of a tradition with your sister and then your children wearing it (if they want to). However, it is very personal and completely up to you.

MKG · 03/01/2009 18:42

Let her use it. I donated mine after I wore it. It was only going to collect dust anyway.

It would be special if someone else wore it on their special day.

Fizzylemonade · 03/01/2009 18:44

YANBU I wouldn't want anyone to wear my dress. I had mine made so it was unique and hopefully still is no pattern, just freestyle in a way.

It cost me £300!!! Material was off Birmingham rag market then I paid the lady who made it by the hour.

I would never have asked my sister for hers.

A dress can be really cheap but still look amazing IMHO

Fizzylemonade · 03/01/2009 18:47

Admittedly you will probably never wear it again BUT that doesn't mean you have to let her wear it.

My intention for my dress is to use the material to make a few little things but then I got married 10 years ago so my dress is just sat in the loft in a box.

It is special to me and I know my dh wouldn't want anyone else to wear my dress either.

Northernlurker · 03/01/2009 18:49

Well I just don't get it - she's asking to borrow your dress not your husband - how come you all feel so protective over a few metres of swish fabric?

SalBySea · 03/01/2009 18:55

Personally I'd love if someone wanted to borrow my dress, I'd take it as a massive compliment and would be delighted that it was getting to see the light of day again. I think its beautiful and its a shame that it only got one outing

however YANBU if you dont fell the same way - its YOUR wedding dress

stardazzle · 03/01/2009 19:00

i'd happily lend my wedding dress to anyone who wishes to borrow it. I'm hoping my DD's would like to wear it but it will be their choice. I keep thinking about having something done with it as it is a waste it sitting in my wardrobe.

Leo9 · 03/01/2009 19:02

I think you have your answer; the fact you've had to think about it.

I know if this was me I would love to lend it and would think it was a charming idea, as someone else said maybe it would be the start of a females-in-your-family tradition and I think that would be so lovely.

However if you feel differently that does not mean I would see you as a big old meanie; it's your property after all and some people feel differently. I think the fact that you're having to think about it means you don't want to though and I think you should let her know asap and offer to make your wedding present to her, a (cheap!) wedding dress?

Cupofteaplease · 03/01/2009 19:03

I'd love someone to borrow my dress- I'd take it as a real compliment!

If it's just stuck in your wardrobe, why on earth say no?

Obviously ask her to pay for the dry cleaning.

Northernlurker · 03/01/2009 19:04

Oh good - I'm not the only one happy to loan it out!

StealthPo09IsHere · 03/01/2009 19:05

My wedding dress was trashed at the end, so I wouldn't have felt happy about borrowing someone else. Suppose she doesn't know that

aidansyummymummy · 03/01/2009 19:06

not having been married I can only add that I wouldn't like the idea at all! A stranger could have it if I gave it to a charity shop but I wouldnt want someone close to me having the same dress.....maybe they would look better in it that me!!! LOL

HSMM · 03/01/2009 19:08

My Mum wanted both my sister and I to wear her wedding dress, so we would have looked the same. Unfortunately, neither of us had a 17 inch waist ... so it didn't happen. I agree with seeing how it can be accessoried differently, so it will look different in the pictures.

blithedance · 03/01/2009 19:09

YABU but of course it's your choice.

I saw a magazine article where 3 brides (friends) had the same dress - it looked lovely but different on each of them (different hair, shoes ... different groom!).

What else exactly were you going to do with it? It's 15 years since I got married and every year the once worn wedding dress seems more of a white elephant in its suitcase in the loft. Perhaps your sister would like to borrow it [grin}?