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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have misgivings about lending my wedding dress to my sister?

60 replies

bangandthedirtisgone · 03/01/2009 18:21

Am I being silly here?

DH and I got married nearly 2 years ago and paid for most stuff ourselves, including my dress.

My sister is getting married and her DP's family are going to pay for the reception. She's told me she wants to save money, which I can understand, but to achieve this she wants to borrow my wedding dress! I'm a bit taller than her but we're roughly the same size so it may well fit.

I guess, selfishly, I feel that I want my dress to be just mine, and it will look weird when my parents have our wedding photos up with us in the same dress.

The other part of me thinks I might jsut be being a bit precious and bridezilla about it though.

WHat do you think? I haven't given her an answer yet.

OP posts:
motherinferior · 03/01/2009 19:10

Why on earth would you mind?

tigermoth · 03/01/2009 19:12

Well from the POV of the dress... is it a delicate and likely to damage easily?How careful is your sister - does she have a good track record when it comes to borrowing your stuff?

If its a case of a clumsy galumphing sister wanting to cavort around in a special antique lace and silk creation then I can see why you'd have second thoughts.

If the dress is not going to suffer from being worn again, then I think there's more reason to lend it.

smurfgirl · 03/01/2009 19:12

You can wear dresses so differently though.

Hoops, veils, shoes etc can make such a difference to the look of it.

She could have straps added/removed and the back altered maybe?

Original poster
bangandthedirtisgone · 03/01/2009 19:14

Ok, thanks for this.

Like I said, I'm not totally against it - I've said I'll think about it.

I disagree that we'll make it look that different though - it's a v distinctive 1950s style prom dress type (nicer than it sounds!) so is very much my dress and I hunted high and low for it.

I guess I should just be flattered that she wants to copy me.

OP posts:
jjs2 · 03/01/2009 19:17

YANBU
A wedding dress can be so personal. If you don't feel comfortable, don't feel pressured into lending it.

sleepyeyes · 03/01/2009 19:21

I got married two months ago and still have my dress hanging off the back of our bedroom door, not sure what to do with it now.
But there is no way I would give (even sell) to a friend or family member. It such a big part of your day, in all your wedding photos, so personal I would hate seeing someone else where it.

tigermoth · 03/01/2009 19:22

Are you sure it will fit your sister? Are you about the same size? When she tries it on, it may not look like she imagined.

makemineagecko · 03/01/2009 19:25

I think if it will save your sister some money, and let's face it we could all do with that right now, then it might be a kind thing to consider.

BabiesEverywhere · 03/01/2009 19:42

What about offering to rent a dress for her big day ? Assuming you could afford it, that way you can help your sister find a dress which is right for her.

Northernlurker · 03/01/2009 19:52

If it's prom dress style then surely some sort of shrug would work quite well? That would really alter the look. Also did it come down to the floor with you or stay above it? If the latter as she's shorter then that's going to look very different as well. Of course if she dyed it that would really make a change - but I'm guessing you wouldn't be up for that!

Mamazon · 03/01/2009 19:54

i dont think i'd want to have my sisters wedding dress.

why not offer to buy/help her get her own dress?

OrmIrian · 03/01/2009 19:55

I'd love it. I feel really guilty about my lovely dress sitting there never to be worn again

Mothers used to hand dresses down to daughters. It's just like that really.

aGalChangedHerName · 03/01/2009 19:58

I have told ds1's gf that if they ever get married she can have mine. Would love to see her in it. She would look amazing in it.

Why not ??

oxocube · 03/01/2009 20:00

OP, if your sister had told you she loved your dress, would feel special in it, would be really proud to wear it etc etc, I think maybe you wouldn't have a problem. Maybe its the fact that she just wants to save a few quid that cheapens the whole request?

Waswondering · 03/01/2009 20:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

warthog · 03/01/2009 20:03

no, i wouldn't be happy about it, but then again i know my sister wouldn't take care of it. if i could trust her, i probably would.

Leedsmum2b · 03/01/2009 21:29

YANBU - if it was me, I'd be worried i) that she would look better in it than I did (yes, I'm that shallow) and ii) that she'd criticise it/change it (alter length, straps etc) which would have me thinking 'Well, it was good enough for me...'.

I think it's different if it's a friend (because everything else about the occasion will be different) or a daughter/niece etc (because it's a different generation), but a sister is just a bit too close!

NAB3lovelychildren · 03/01/2009 21:41

I would let my DD wear my dress but no one else tbh.

cat64 · 03/01/2009 21:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

souperdahrlink · 03/01/2009 22:58

I would let her try it on then (very tactfully of course) say it looks awful on her.

plantsitter · 03/01/2009 23:05

Aw, just say no if you don't want to. I'm sure she would understand if you said you thought you might be being a bit silly but you feel really emotional about the dress and will help her find an alternative. I'm sure my sister would be ok about it, though I dunno what your relationship's like.

lipstickjungle · 03/01/2009 23:44

I paid £800 for my dress and donated it to women in africa and i am so happy that so far 10 brides have worn it, its such a joy to know that all the brides did have the wedding of their dreams.

thumbwitch · 03/01/2009 23:47

I wouldn't like it at all, especially as it might get trashed (my sister's dress was pretty much trashed by the end of her wedding) and then I would feel really sad and put out about it.

Plus it would be a bit weird having 2 sets of wedding photos with the same dress in - almost incestuous in a very strange way.

All in all, I would say no but might offer to help her with the cost of renting one so that I didn't look as though I was being unhelpful and mean (NOT SAYING YOU ARE - that would just be MY feelings)

AndISayHey · 04/01/2009 02:09

yanbu

andaSOLOnewyear · 04/01/2009 02:20

My cousin and her two sisters all wore the same dress ranging from 1984 until 1988. We all thought it was a lovely thing to do. They all wore different veils and head dresses though, had different colour schemes, so the weddings were all very different.

I wouldn't want anyone wearing mine though ~ except maybe my daughter...

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