To be on my 3rd very large vodka, with no intention of stopping till the bottle is empty?

[Kimi]

Not wishing to takt over the whole of mumsnet but just wondered....

My life is falling apart (mostly my own doing) but now my mum (who despite the fact I could throttle her with my bare hands alot of the time, I love dearly) is going to have her leg removed on Monday as she is a type 1 diabetic, has blocked this that and the other, smokes 30 a day, thinks any veg is evil and chocolate bics are a breakfast food.
There is a 40 % chance she will die on the table, a big chance she will die from post op infction, and if she makes it will need 24/7 care for the next however long till her heart packs up from all the above.

I have been to the hospital most of today, had to tell my 12 and 8 year old nanna is poorly and so on, and now I am going to drink the half bottle of vodka I have, play mama mia too loud, cry, throw up then go to bed.
8 year old is with Daddy, 12 year old is in bed so no one to see mother being a drunk.
Tomorrow I will deal with the hospital and so on but tonight I want to be selfish and wallow in self pity....is that ok.

Not unreasonable at all.

What time is your Mum's op on Monday?

oh sweetheart {{hugs}} Can you tip a little down the sin k? Although it sounds the least of your worries right now {{hugs}} wish I had something useful to say x

Feel sorry for yourself by all means
but maybe not the whole bottle
You will feel like shit in the morning
Sorry about your Mum

thats really ok, if it will make you feel better so you can get through this.
Sorry about your mum

YANBU in wanting to drink the bottle dry but if you can resist it will make tomorrow easier to deal with really.

Sorry about your mum, I hope she pulls thru.

Thank you all, Yama I don't know all they have said is AM!

I know drinking is not the answer but I just want to make it all go away.
I need a good wollow then I can get on with it all.
Got to love duty free 40% vodka (brought it on way back from seeing Anorak in the states) with some nice orange juice.

Not the answer I know but for now it does.

You are so going to regret it in the morning.

yep, I guess I will, but right now it seems a good idea.

I am 37 years old a mother of two but today I just so much wanted an adult to come and hug me and tell me it will all be ok, how sad is that.

Stay on here while you are drinking Kimi and then straight to bed.

Re-reading your op I can see your issue with your Mum but you know you can't change another person.

If you are going to have to drive then slow it down a bit. You will feel like hell, will it be worth it for a few hours numbness?

Good news is I can't drive!!!!
Bad new is mama mia just got to slipping through my fingers, so pass the tissues please.

My dad was an alcoholic so I know the dangers of useing drink as a crutch, but tonight I need to hit rock bottom as then the only way is up.
I shall arrive at the hospital tomorrow showered, well dressed and sober (with a slight headache no doubt) and I shall be supportive and do all the right thinks, but for now I need to fall apart in private (and on the internet)

Take some paracetamol before you go to bed, so hopefully you won't have the hangover.

Sorry about your mum

Kimi
Big glass of water before bed too
and Berocca in the morning

Pour the rest of the bottle away.

Vodka won't help you feel any better, trust me.

Hope it all goes well, I'll be thinking of you and your mother.

Thank you all.
I guess you think your parents are always going to be there.
My dad died when I was 12 and mum has suffered endlessly with her nerves, I have been her perent more of less since I was 9.
but to have someone stand there and tell you your mum might die on Monday is something I would not wish on anyone.

I am surrounded by people who love me but I am all alone and I want to stand and scream that this is alll so bloody unfair.

I split from my DH over 2 years ago but he is still my best friend and my north, without him I am lost. I have a new DP who has decided it is time I got a divorce, something I am not ready for, so my life was in termoil already and now this.
I feel God hates me and I feel astranged from my faith.
boy what a mess, on top of this I am trying not to let mum/ my kids/my sister/ anyone see how scared I am.
i want to be very small and very still and hope the world passes me by.. how sad is that.
Spoke to my MIL today to tell her about mum she was in tears, she has known mum 23 years, New DPs mothers has said che will come and help out and that is nice of her.
family and friends from all ovetr coming but I still feel so alone.. I want to scream till I can't any more.

You are not alone
Look at all those people you have listed who want to be there for you
Have a good cry
Put the bottle away and go to bed

Definitely Paracetamol before bed. A medium glass of water between drinks. Eat some dry toast or biscuits before sleep. (Toast will help soak a bit of the vodka up.) Drink a huge glass of water before bed.

TBH - drinking doesn't solve anything. And you obviously already know this. (I do understand. On the first day of menses, I must have wine. When I was 13 the Gyn actually prescribed it for me for severe cramps. He gave uppers and codiene for the day, wine after 4:00.)

Wish the best to you and your Mum. So sorry. Hope you remember to let us all know how it turns out.

There is nothing sad about wanting (or needing!) a hug every now and then, humans are not by nature solitary creatures. It sounds like everything is happening at once and you don't know where to start in sorting it out. Tonight perhaps you should find solace in the bottom of the bottle (as you have recognised it's a temporary solution) and if your DS weren't in bed I would recommend standing up and screaming as well.
I am going to bed now, but mumsnet is 24/7 and I hope you will find company on here as long as you need it.
Take care and good luck for Monday.

There is nothing sad about wanting (or needing!) a hug every now and then, humans are not by nature solitary creatures. It sounds like everything is happening at once and you don't know where to start in sorting it out. Tonight perhaps you should find solace in the bottom of the bottle (as you have recognised it's a temporary solution) and if your DS weren't in bed I would recommend standing up and screaming as well.
I am going to bed now, but mumsnet is 24/7 and I hope you will find company on here as long as you need it.
Take care and good luck for Monday.

Mumsnet is full of lovely people, I have found that out over the years,I seem to be on the last of the vodka now anyway..I have found chocolate to go with it now too.

I just keep thinking how do I help my mum now and worse if she dies how do I pay for a funeral?
Mum lives in a council house on a state penstion and has no savings, I am a stay at home mum with no money and my sister is between jobs at the moment.

She may feel a lot better once the leg is gone. A friend's mother had an ulcerated sore on her leg, that just didn't heal, dunno why. Eventually they gave up and amputated the leg. She's much happier without the bad smell, and is doing very well by all accounts.

As a Type 1 diabetic, how on earth has your mother managed to live this long with such a bad attitude about health and nutrition?

You can get grants from social services from the department of somewhere of other, my mum gave me the leaflet for when she goes
This might be the making of your mum. Lets hope so. x

Listening activily to other posters about U.K. funerals. Never had to do one when I was there. My only real experience is with a U.S. movement which advocates reclaiming death.

Kimi, I hope you will leave a drink or two in the bottle for Ron if you can (LaterRon, have you heard of him?) and don't take the paracetemol until the morning. It is bad for your liver to take paracetemol at the same time as drinking vodka apparently.

A relative of mine who shall not be named, a bit of a vodka drinker, swears by a pint glass of orange squash before bed and on waking to lessen the hangover.

My prayers for your mum

NQC she got a sand fle bite LAST January on holiday and he GP just kept giving her anti biotics that did no good.
In October she was staying with me and her foot was smelling so I took her to my local hospital and they were gret, she was then put on insulin as her GP had given her metformin and she was not good on it. Her foot has gotton worse and two days after Xmas I took her back to the hospital.
Mum is not good at looking after herself, has been on anti depressents for 27 years and will not take any other pills in case they mess with these.
A lot of this is her own fault and I am so fucking angry with her I could scream, but she is 64, ill and scared so I do all the things I should.

I am feeling so many things at the moment, fear, panic, dispair, pain, anger, the emotion I do best is anger I seem to convert all other emotion to that one and it is not good, I don't even know who I am angry with, mum, me the Dr I don't know.

I just don't want to feel, just for a few hours.. I know it is not the answer and I am sad and weak for hitting a bottle but short of that it is punching the hell out of something or going for the mother of all runs which I guess would have been a better ider, (running not punching)