To be on my 3rd very large vodka, with no intention of stopping till the bottle is empty?

[Kimi]

Not wishing to takt over the whole of mumsnet but just wondered....

My life is falling apart (mostly my own doing) but now my mum (who despite the fact I could throttle her with my bare hands alot of the time, I love dearly) is going to have her leg removed on Monday as she is a type 1 diabetic, has blocked this that and the other, smokes 30 a day, thinks any veg is evil and chocolate bics are a breakfast food.
There is a 40 % chance she will die on the table, a big chance she will die from post op infction, and if she makes it will need 24/7 care for the next however long till her heart packs up from all the above.

I have been to the hospital most of today, had to tell my 12 and 8 year old nanna is poorly and so on, and now I am going to drink the half bottle of vodka I have, play mama mia too loud, cry, throw up then go to bed.
8 year old is with Daddy, 12 year old is in bed so no one to see mother being a drunk.
Tomorrow I will deal with the hospital and so on but tonight I want to be selfish and wallow in self pity....is that ok.

Oh Kimi I am really sorry you are going through all this I'll keep your mum and you and your family in my prayers.

Drink lots of water before bed and I second the orange squash first thing in the morning - I spend more on an imported bottle of Robinsons Orange barley water than I do on the bottle of wine that makes me hungover in the first place!!!!

Hello mananny, it was you I met in Boston was it not?

It was indeed well remembered.

It was lovely to meet you, and the food was great.
Anorak is doing well, I was hoping to email or skype her but my PC died again I am on my sons PC and that has no email or skype (mean mummy).
Thank you for you kind words. xx

Kimi I wish I could give you a hug right now, I hope your mum's operation goes well. I'll be thinking of you.

If you want any peanut butter cups sending over, get my email from Anorak and let me know They are marginally better for you than half a litre of vodka!

I've left a hug for you on the health forum, but I'll also give you one here too.

the peanutbutter cups did make it to DS2s stocking.

I will get you email from Anorak once email is working again.
It was lovely to meet you and I have some great Photos I can email you.

Was thinking of hitting the Bermuda rum Anorak gave me but think the vodka has hit the spot for now.

Have a thread in health I will update on Monday as well as this one to let you know how my mum is doing.
Really wish I was back in Boston as I was 4000 miles away from all problems.

thank you to everyone who has taken the trouble to be with me tonight. xx

Thank you emma1977. xx

oh kimi,you have such a lot to endure.as a one off a wee bevvy as escapism.why not.

best wishesX

Well scottishmummy it is far more them one small dram, but what the heck.
Half a bottle of absolute 40% vodka.

Is it really bad for a 37 year old to want an adult to come and tell her it will all be ok, even if shes knows it wont?

I don't know what to say, but I'm so sorry you're going through all this and will say a little prayer for you and your mum. x

Thank you.

I seem to be on the last of the vodka now

Ok all vodkaed out, chocolate all gone too, blood sugar 9.5 so time to be sick drink a pint of water and go to bed me thinks.
Thank you to everyone who has been with me tonight, it means alot to me not to be alone.
I will keep you updated here and in the health section.

Please as I have ask on the prayer theard, what ever God you speak to, put a word in for my mum on monday please, and if it is not too much to ask a word for her family too.

Hope you get some sleep tonight and don't feel too rough tomorrow. I'll be thinking of you and yours this weekend and of course on Monday too. (((hugs))) xxx

Kimi, God doesn't hate you. I thought he hated me once but it was all in my imagination! He's a good guy, really.
Pint of water, my love and a hug!

Um - they don't give metformin to type 1s do they? As they don't produce insulin themselves, no matter what the medics do. She sounds like an insulin-dependant type 2, which makes more sense - a type 1 with her sort of behaviour would never make it to 64, from what I know.

Kimi - hope you're not feeling too rough today and that you maybe get some better news at the hospital today.

Will put in a word with the big man for you and your mum when we go to church tomorrow!

Out of interest - is your sister very supportive, can you talk to her about how you feel, assuming she is feeling much the same way as you? (Hope that's not insensitive - am an only one so tend to assume all siblings are huge sources of support for each other and frequently get told I'm wrong!)

This is so sad. How are you kimi>?

Good thing about vodka is no hangover.
Just about to call great aunt and uncle and tell them what is going on.

Thinking about you today x Would it help to focus on the practicalities for now and vent on here later?

Hope you get through the day

kimi.. haven't read the whole thread.. but you say "I know drinking is not the answer but I just want to make it all go away.
"..

trouble is it doesn't make it go away.. it's all still there and you'll end up dealing with it all with a hangover! ... not the best look.

hope things are going not so bad right now for you.

Hello Kimi. I'm so sorry it has come to this. I don't know what else to say, but hang in there. We are all thinking of you. Please give your mum our love. x

Hi Anorak, DP is fixing my PC so I will be able to email you soon and skype.

Saw mum today, she is very depressed .

I will be in touch soon. xxxx