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AIBU?

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Original poster

To want to kill myself because i am pregnant

77 replies

Koshka · 02/01/2009 16:55

Hello,

I am 13 weeks pg.

I was happy when i found out but now I am so scared i keep on thinking if i carry on with this pregnancy i would rather not be here.

I have no idea what to do! is it too late to end this pregnancy?

Sorry this is a bad topic to discuss here but have noone in RL that i can talk to.

OP posts:
Flightattendant7 · 02/01/2009 17:04

Please don't apologise, it's what we are here for

You should have read some of the stuff I posted about when I was pg

I was a bit of a nutcase
We've been there, lots of us
When was the work thing? Was that today? Has it made you feel really paranoid?

Original poster
Koshka · 02/01/2009 17:05

when i went to my 12 week scan i actually hoped that there was no baby or that i lost it!

not planned.

OP posts:
KatieScarlett2833 · 02/01/2009 17:06

I honestly believe that every single mother has at one time believed they were a terrible mother, especially during the two's.
I was also, like flight, a bit of a nutcase.

Have you felt this way for long or is it a recent thing/

Flightattendant7 · 02/01/2009 17:06

I felt like that too

I hated it and couldn't bear to look at the pictures. But I love him now. Things can really change between now and then, iyswim

ClarissimoUsedToBePeachy · 02/01/2009 17:08

2.5 is indeed very, very hard. You can't be that crap a Mum, just from the shots on your profile I notice you play with him, give him a hat, he looks healthy and well fed..... sounds pretty fab to me tbh.

It's not uncommon ime to feel this way at that stage of a pregnancy- I had a definite sense of 'WTF am I doing!' with all 4. It passed though.

How has the pg been up to now?

If you're feeling so low is it the pg thats the issue? your P? Your feelings about yourself? Antenattal depression is quite common you know, just not so well known.

WalkingInAWonderStuffingLand · 02/01/2009 17:08

Your little boy is beautiful. Do you have any help? Being pg with a toddler must be hard work, could you contact surestart for someone to help you?

needahand · 02/01/2009 17:08

Hi Koshka

Could it be that you are suffuring from antenatal depression? You were happy at first so what has changed? And am sure you are not a bad mother at all, but if you are worried about parenting skills, could you not attend a parenting workshop? It might just be that your hormones are all other the place. I would follow the others advice and seek counselling

Lulumama · 02/01/2009 17:08

i suppose the question is whether you will regret continuing the pregnancy more than terminating it.

you are clearly really struggling and perhaps some proper, independent counselling will hlep

can;t be helping if the father is not bothered either way

think about what will be better for you and your DS in the long run but you need to see someone ASAP if you are considering termination

cornsilk · 02/01/2009 17:08

Does your partner know how you are feeling Koshka?

MillyR · 02/01/2009 17:10

Koshka, could you talk to your health visitor? Lots of people feel the way you do when they are pregnant with a second child, and a health visitor would have experience of this and be very supportive.

LadyOfWaffle · 02/01/2009 17:10

Hey, not sure it is my place to say but you can feel free to ignore me - I was pregnant 4 years ago (this Christmas) and was happy nd first, then panic/sickness/hormones set in and I had a termination. I have regretted it ever since. I have a 2.9 year old now and a 4 1/2 month old, both pregnancies I still paniced! DS2 honestly slotted right in, and DS1 can be a handful. Agree you need specialist support, you do need to be fully sure any option is right for you. The best thing I read on MN once was imagine 2 senarios - there was some law, or whatever and you HAVE continue the pregnancy. The other you HAVE to terminate, which one (if any) makes you feel sad/happy/different. {{hugs}}

Northernlurker · 02/01/2009 17:12

Oh sweetheart - look we all at some point think we're doing a rotten job and yes there are always things that we do that we could have handled better but I can tell you love your son and I'm sure that you are actually taking very good care of him. You need to take care of you too - you are your son's most precious possession - so please talk to someone in RL about how low you feel. They will be able to help and you are not the first mother to find themselves up against a wall. It happens to all sotys of people at all times. You are not alone. Talk here and talk to somebody in RL - there is a way through.

revjustaboutwipestheslateclean · 02/01/2009 17:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

June2009 · 02/01/2009 17:21

Just wanted to add that today's the most depressing day of the year or something, innit? You're pregnant and that means your hormones are probably all over the place, I'm pg too and I've been feeling up and down like a yoyo for the past 4 months as well.
Give a call to your midwife or GP and tell them honestly how you feel, they are the best people who can help you to feel better. And please don't be ashamed or anything as many of us have made that call. You are not a bad mum.

noonki · 02/01/2009 17:22

Hiya Koshka

it sounds like needahand might be right ante-natal depression is a possibilty.

Do you get on well with your GP ir midwife or Health visitor

if you do ask them for advice as soon as possible.

I think we all feel like shit parents at some point or other, especially when they are that little. Do you have a surestart near you? or ask you Helath visitor for help.

and remember that no one feels like a good parent all the time, and we all get really anoyed at our kids, it's just a matter of working out ways to stop shouting at them (and i doubt anyway never shouts)

I have to leave the room and bite my hand sometimes to stop myself shouting at my boys.

Please ask on here for advice I got loads of good ideas (that hurt my hand less!)

TotalChaos · 02/01/2009 17:24

speak to GP/HV/MW - whoever you trust most. You may well be depressed, and counselling/meds could be of enormous help to you if so. An unplanned pregnancy can be very stressful.

FairLadyRantALot · 02/01/2009 17:26

Koshka....like others have said, you are not a terrible mum for being short at times and snap....toddlers are such hard work, it's easy to loose it at times.
You say the pg was unplanned, so, it must have been all quite overwhelming and emotional....like Lulu said, I suppose it is a question of what you would regrett more....!
Anyway, I hope you can get to a decision that you are happy with. Best of luck!

noonki · 02/01/2009 17:31

have you got any friends with young kids? do you go to playgroups?

I find them a real help (though takes a while to meet anyone)

if we stay in all the time I go spare.

Original poster
Koshka · 02/01/2009 17:38

hi

thank you all so much for your lovely messages

my P came in so i have to go now.
i have work tonight so that will be fun.
i think i was so upset about the work thing was that i thought everyone liked me!

i am in a constant state of panick. i think i will regret having this child.

i will be back when i finish at 7 tomorrow morning. when P will be in bed.

he just says i need to 'chill out' and cheer up.

thank you again so much x x

OP posts:
Reallytired · 02/01/2009 17:41

Have spoken to your GP? In my area there is a specialist midwife who can help with ante natal depression. Prehaps there is something in your area.

Sunflower100 · 02/01/2009 19:18

Koshka - was the pregnancy planned? Did you feel differently before you got pregnant. Its just that being pregnant can make you feel so strange, awful and muddled so you may not be thinking straight. I am pg at mo and forgotten what a frootloop it made me. If P not good to talk to what about your mum/friend?
I bet you are not a bad mum- my dd is 2 and its a difficult age and even harder when you are pg.

Keep talking when you come back from work...

Hopefully · 02/01/2009 23:04

Koshka I have no real experience on this, but please keep posting when you get a chance and everyone here will do their utmost to help you through this.

Countingtheflocksbynight · 02/01/2009 23:17

Hi Koshka, so you are pregnant, with a 2.5 yr old and you are working nights ... and work is stressful currently ... that is a hell of a lot for anyone to handle.

I bet they do like you alot of work - and you have every right to feel "not your usual happy self" with everything you are coping with right now - so sod 'em!!

Have you told them you are pregnant? Could you beg a day or two off to give yourself some space? Hope you have a better time at work this evening.

Come back on here and post xx

Countingtheflocksbynight · 02/01/2009 23:18

sorry - meant 'at' work ...

SummerC · 02/01/2009 23:21

Koshka stick close to mumsnet as it sounds as though you don't have the necessary support at home. Definitely contact your GP to discuss your options and to get some help.

For what it's worth, I was absolutely terrified for the first 6 months of my pregnancy and convinced myself that I wasn't actually pregnant. Pregnancy hormones are a nightmare and may be playing a part in how you feel.

And everyone shouts at their children from time to time...you are not abnormal and you are definitely not a bad mother. Get some help love and post as often as you need!

(((((((((((huge big hugs)))))))))))))))