ITs the old, Children at weddings chestnut that i always used to roll my eyeballs at

[LucyEllensmummy]

Because i thought that no one i know would be quite so Bridezilla as to outlaw children.

So, a relatively good friend of mine is getting married in june. A very INFORMAL affair of wedding in a barn and a hog roast and live bands afterwards. I'm sure it will be wonderful. I think it would be the sort of venue to make children attending quite easy actually as it is not to formal.

BUT stated clearly in the invite is "we are afraid we cannot accomodate children, as we want to have as many friends there as possible" which i interpret as "I don't REALLY like children that much so i dont want them at my wedding" - i'm not being bitchy, its just that my friend is one of those, i'll never have children types and whilst she makes the right noises about the ever growing circle of children in our group of friends you can tell that she is just not a children person.

So i guess really she is perfectly justified in not inviting children. BUT it just makes it really awkward for us. We wouldn't be able to arrange childcare for that amount of time and we are probably too precious to want to. We only ever leave DD (3) with my mum and she couldnt manage for that long. The venue is in the middle of nowhere and i don't drive so i can't really go alone without poncing a lift.

So, we have decided not to go, I don't think my friend will really mind tbh. She has loads of friends and we are not that close anymore. But i don't want her to think i am being funny about it either. We are due to see them on tuesday and my DP can be quite blunt, he is all for, nup, i'll just tell them, if we can't bring lucy, we wont be coming (I think he is being a tad unreasonable). Whereas i am much more opting towards the make up an excuse route. There is a part of me that thinks, well, if my DD isn't good enough........but i do understand, its HER day and its her choice.

my ex best friend did this at her wedding. My DS was only 18 months old and she wanted me to travel 12 hours to her wedding that would have meant a flight and 2 nights stay (as the wedding was on a sunday - no flights early enough on a sun am!) without my DS. I replied ont he invite that I wouldn't be abnle to attend as I had nooone to llok after him for that length of time - she didn't understand why I couldn't ring a nanny agency and get a nanny for the weekend. I mean bless her she offered to help with the cost btu she just didn't understand the emotional aspect of leaving my toddler with someone i'd never met before for 2 whole nights - and travelling to somewhere that was too far away to get back in a hurry if there was an emergency.

I am devastated I don't have her friendship anymore - but my children will always come first with me.

YANBU at all IMO - but I do think you should be prepared for the friendship to go sour if you don't go. She may not react as you think she will.....

if you really want to go,and wont/cant travel with another friend, then i advise not going to day/wedding vows but go in evening with dh - so put your child to bed and either asking parents or get a friend over( and owe them night free bs) or a baby sitter from an agency to cover for a few hours while you go

many weddings are child free now, tbh lots of grown ups talking is boring for the few children there, unless there is entertainment for children, ie a clown or nanny ( i did a wedding nanny creche a few weeks ago with a friend)

Their choice.

Either get childcare, or don't go...but don;t lie.

We had a hog roast in a barn. We also had a bouncy castle outside...and about ten children of various ages..with out any requests from us, the children mostly went home in the evening (all bounced out).

Their wedding, their choice.

If people don't want kids at their wedding then fine that is their perogative (although I do think close family should always be invited). But if they then get upset because you can't come then that is not fine.

My pfb was an anxious child that could not be left with many people and the grief I was given. She is now a very confident and outgoing child and very independent but I couldn't leave her in the early years and I was given very little understanding.

I understand that a wedding is a massive deal but I she right to behave in an unkind and selfish way/ I also hate the way people go on about weddings being the best day of their lives. How depressing for the rest of their life. And if you must heirarchey best days then the day I met my dh and the days my children were born rank far higher... and I loved my wedding.