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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry that my neice is a spoilt 20yr old madam.

79 replies

slavetomykids · 27/12/2008 16:49

Sorry if this is long.
Dh's parents divorced 20 yrs ago and both have remarried. Neither they or there partners have siblings (and the new partners have no children of their own btw), and they all get on. Which is nice.
Dh's only sibling, his brother, lives away, so we all got together today, the 4 inlaws, dh,I and our 2 children, dbil, his wife and thied 20yr old only child.
Because we live near inlaws, they all came to ours, along with their partners and my family for Xmas Lunch, which was nice and friendly.
Today I cooked another Xmas dinner so we could celebrate with inlaws and Dbil's family.
All that is irrelevant really, the crux is, dniece is TWENTY and has just had a major hissy fit because dmil gave her a box of chocolates and £100, which is the same as what she gave dd who is 14. (she effectivly gave ds the same, but his was toys to the tune of £100)
She has just spent an hour moaning long and loud that as their is only one of her she should have £200 and to that effect she thinks her grandmother owes her 2 grand in back payment. I am so annoyed that she could be so rude, that if she was mine (and I am not and have never been a person to do this) I would of slapped her legs.
Apparently she feels this way as thats what her other grandparents (ie sil parents) do.

OP posts:
ElectraInExcelsis · 27/12/2008 17:26

It's not your problem so why get worked up about it (although can appreciate it probably ruined your day somewhat) Bear in mind though that this is probably because of how she has been brought up rather than due to a failing in her character.

mumeeee · 27/12/2008 17:26

That is awful behavior from a twenty year old. She should not get more brcause she is the only child in her family. My parents spend the same amount on each grandchild no matter how many children are in the families.
£100 is a very generous present.

Original poster
slavetomykids · 27/12/2008 17:27

Well, I have just have to smile at whats happened now.
Dh has just been talking on the phone to his mam. It turns out that dh's dad also gives all three the equivelent of £100. Dmil and Dfil have decided that as they have paid for 6 courses of OU now, which cost roughly £4000 between the two of them, that after dneice turns 21 (august) then she will no longer be getting more than a token present for xmas and birthdays. ie, the same as dh, his bro, dsil and I. BUT, do we mind that they will be doing the same for my two.
And they know that she is not working tomorrow, so they are going to tell her together as a couple, (something which they have not been for 23 years)
And no, she seemed to me as sober as a judge. Although she did have 2 glasses of champagne at lunch.

OP posts:
Bumperlicious · 27/12/2008 17:27

How awful. I would be very sad to have raised a child like that.

hertsnessex · 27/12/2008 17:28

blimey - what a spoilt brat. this is so unfair to the GP's who gave the money - i think next yr she should spend alot less on all and see how the spoilt brat likes that.

Original poster
slavetomykids · 27/12/2008 17:32

Spam, oh, how I wish I had thought of that. Dh has just said, that he doesn't want to do Xmas lunch with her again.
In my defence, I would never tell anyone in real life this, (I would be too embarrased for one!) I just thought you ladies would let me blow of steam. So I could be calm enough to listen to dh's rightly ranting.

OP posts:
Bumperlicious · 27/12/2008 17:34

Your poor inlaws, how sad for them to have such an ungrateful grand daughter and sounds like your DH's bro needs a bit of a smack on the bottom from his parents too for agreeing with her.

Original poster
slavetomykids · 27/12/2008 17:42

I have never seen her behave like this before, thats what is weird. Maybe though thats because we only see her yearly as she is working now.
Dh said his mam was just crying and his dad, had his arm around mil, and just kept saying to bil to tell her to shut up, she's your kid how could you let her be so rude. Whilst dh said he felt like a bumbling idiot because he kept saying can't we all be nice and pleasent.

OP posts:
MoreSpamThanGlam · 27/12/2008 17:58

What did her parents say? Nothing? If nothing else you needd to send them a book on how to raise children! Someone needs to tell them what a disgrace she is. That behaviour will ultimately ruin her life.

I am really big on manners with my kids. its a very big deal. i thin k you get much further in life with manners.

Its all well and good being a know it all, but if you are rude, who will give you a job?

Send her a dummy in the post...tell her santa left it behind.

pooka · 27/12/2008 18:01

Oh she's going to be LIVID! Good for your PILs.

Original poster
slavetomykids · 27/12/2008 18:08

I will do spam, a thick old book and a dummy will be winging its way to them.
Her parents, were saying that she should get more, as she is older, and an only. And that dh's mam had always put dh before bil (believe me so, not true, they are all fair to with in an inch, she has always been that way). Also, they kept going on about how they come down here (to my house) every year for the 27th so that dh's mam doesn't miss out on seeing her little grandaughter at xmas, so mil should make more of an effort.
Wow they travel all of 30 miles, really far. Bil and Sil have always been materalistic, but this has shocked me to the core, I hate to see people crying and Parent inlaws were so upset when bil and sil left that dh took all of them home.
I know what I am thinking, but not how to word it. I think that this might be the begining of breaking of contact with pil and bil.
Good ridance after today.

OP posts:
dittany · 27/12/2008 18:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MatNanPlusTINSEL · 27/12/2008 18:09

Good for Dmil and Dfil but why does this change of gift giving also apply to your young DC, they should receive the same as she has had in my view, not their fault their cousin is a spoilt brat.

pooka · 27/12/2008 18:10

My parents would have been incandescent with rage and shame if I had behaved like your niece.

Original poster
slavetomykids · 27/12/2008 18:13

I'm sorry, my two will be getting the £100 until they are 21 too.
Not that my kids would mind if they just had a token gift from now on.

OP posts:
OrmIrian · 27/12/2008 18:14

Charming child!

Life will knock that attitude out of her pdq IMO.

Kitteh · 27/12/2008 18:14

Wow.. im just disgusted that a 20 year old can act that way.. i just turned 21 last month and theres no way i would behave like that.. im shocked her parents let her carry on behaving like a spoilt little brat.. i would just be so happy yours clearly arent like that!

OHBollox · 27/12/2008 18:15

People like this just get worse and worse in my experience the reading of the Will will be something to look forward to, NOT

MarlaSinger · 27/12/2008 18:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MatNanPlusTINSEL · 27/12/2008 18:16

Ah, i was that it read like your DC were being lumped with her.

Her parents sound deluded.

Original poster
slavetomykids · 27/12/2008 18:18

I agree Polka, my parents would of just died of embarrasment if that had been me, and they would of kicked me from one end of the street to the other while telling me what a brat I was.
Dittany, I do not know which parent could of made a thing of this, really. I am so dissallusioned right now, I just keep thinking of the little blonde dot who was so exicted with her new baby cousin (ie dneice at 6 when dd was born) that I can not believe she would kick off about the same cousin getting the same amount as her for xmas.

OP posts:
Original poster
slavetomykids · 27/12/2008 18:20

OHBollox - oh, I hadn't thought of that, what joys I have to look forward too.

OP posts:
CrushWithEyeliner · 27/12/2008 18:21

Disgraceful

SleighGirl · 27/12/2008 18:23

Sounds like bil has a huge chip on his shoulder and this has been fed through to niece? Perhaps as you live nearer to the ILs you see more of them & they favour your dc etc etc etc?

What a nightmare, if she'd gone quiet and sulked you could have a bit of a "she still wants to be indulged" but to be so rude & confrontational!

Yanda · 27/12/2008 18:28

Awful and ungrateful behaviour. I am actually more appalled that her parents agreed with her because if that was my child I would have been horrified and very very angry with them.