about this invite to go to a party?

[ilovetochatupsanta]

dp got a phonecall at the weekend from his friend's son to say they are arranging a surprise party for him and we were invited, dp said yes we will be there.
dp came off the phone and said they are having a party for X monday at the house (about 30min drive away) and it starts at 8pm so i said we will go.
i said what about dd, dp said she can come too, i said 8pm is too late to go to a party, she is 17 months old, he said we will sort it out, i said how when gps are on holiday, on crutches or in plaster? he said i may have to pop there on my own then?
genuine question, aibu to think we were all invited to a party and it's too late for dd so we all shouldn't go?

Can I just ask will it make a big difference to your DD if you stay up a little later than normal? All of you pop there for an hour to say happy birthday then come home?

I asking honestly cos my DD doesn't mind staying up late a couple of times but my friends DS goes into complete meltdown if his routine changes.

its a one-off, if you're that bothered then let dp go on his own.

No, let your DH go without you, you're not joined at the hip are you?

If it's DP's friend I think it's OK for him to want to go. Is it local? If so can DP go for an hour, then relieve you and you go for an hour??? Thats what DH and I do and it works quite well.

why cant he go on his own then

I would take DD. Otherwise let your DP go. Sometimes when you have kids you kinda just have to take turns going out etc. otherwise you never would!

You are being silly. Either you all go: dd will either enjoy it, or fall asleep on a chair, or get tired so you come home early; or you let dp go on his own. Don't see what you're wondering about tbh.

no we are not joined at the hip, he has had his work's xmas do, his work xmas buffet, drinks after work, gym session tonight, lunch with friends from work, night out with friends from hobby.
i have had........ oh no i forgot i have been looking after our dd while he has been out.
was finally looking forward to xmas break where we go places as a family and think he should consider family invites for all or none of us.
i don't mind a late night sometimes for dd, her bedtime isn't strict, but by the time we have an hour at the party and drive home it will be 9.30 and then she will wake up getting her in the house.
i guess it's the attitude that bothers me, if it's too late for dd then i should stay at home and he should go and have fun? great.

I would say take her or or find a baby sitter that isn't family or he goes on his own. It seems a bit unfair to both miss it.

i have met the man once so i couldn't go on my own, dp has seen this man twice in 7 years so not a close friend at all.

All go and let DP spend the night dealing with DD while you have a nice drink and a catch-up?

so what you are bothered about is the fact that dp accepted the invite without asking you first? and you are bothered that he would want to go to the party without you and dd? and that you have not had any nights out?

1. speak to dp about how you are feeling
2. arrange your own night and and get dp to watch dd.

chequers - i think that is exactly what i'll do and seeing as i have just stopped bf i think i will lwt dp drive too.

Have a great time ilove

you were all invited, take dd see how it goes, take a travel cot, she might fall asleep on the way and you could just transfer (if you have that sort of baby).
or, don't take her and let him go - op says his friend.
or, see if you can get another babysitter, put her to bed and turn up a bit late.

chestnuts - i am bothered he accepted without considering dd. i am bothered he thinks if dd can't go the i can't go but he still can. and yes i a bothered that i have no nights out and always look after dd.

you need to arrange a night out with some friends, chose a night he has nothing on, tell him you will be going out and he has to look after DD.

yep, I know how you feel, I'm the same and especially at this time of year, I get really down and find it harder to get into the christmas "spirit".
Don't know if you're like me, but I have the dcs to look after, have planned and bought all the presents, wrapped them (well nearly finished), written all the cards, planned all the food (and will cook it), while they have all the nights out etc .
Hope you get to go and have a few drinks and let dp look after dd.

i haven't had a night out with friends for a long time, partly because i bf and partly because dp is out a lot but i am going to accept any invites that come my way and leave him with dd for a few nights. i think i have given up too much of my own interests and it's time i got some back and he may have to lose some of his to accomodate.

i totally understand, i have been there, then he left and i am trying to pick up the pieces, go for that night out, not to "show him" or whatever but to;
i) have some YOU time
ii) let him care for and connect with his dd as the principle care giver at that time.

i want to go out for me, i want to start doing some sport again for me. i'm a sahm which was a joint decision which i never regret but i think because i look after dd all day, if dp wants to go out after work or on a night it is presumed i will look after her then too. obviously i will look after her and i love her to bits but she is hard work and i need a break too.
it wasn't the party that bothered me as such but the presumption that i would stay at home. why can't dp consider dd's bedtime, if we go out in the day why is it me who hads to pack her bag, make sure she has food with her, nappies, think where we will be at naptimes?
if his mate asked him to go to the pub that's different but i really do think a family invite, from his friend or mine, should be considered for all of us. if it was me i'd say i don't think we can all come as dd will be overtired but we will try and make it for an hour if we can.

it is you who has to think about it because it is you who does, and by continuing to do so you are enabling him to not do so.
I SOOOO know where you are coming from, but since me ex left he has our dc's twice a week and HAS TO cope - because he has know choice. And he does, he does fine.
After all you didn't know diddly about looking after your baby until she was born (probably), he just has to learn. Give him the opportunity.

(and roll me back 5 years and give me this advice)

argh know NO choice

i think in some ways it is just how he is. he can look after dd perfectlyfine, bath her, dress her , feed her, but the bathwater will be left in the bath, her towel and dirty clthes will be scattered round upstairs and her bib and plate will be on the table. he knows i will sort it out. he tidies up after himself, i don't sort his clothes etc but when it comes to dd he really relys on me too much.
he asks me is dd hungry yet, is she tired and i think why should i have any more answers than you, you are her dad fgs.

The most telling part of that post was "he knows i will sort it out". Think about it.
Sort out the party, one way or another, don't stress about it, or at him. Then sort out something for yourself in the new year.