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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel annoyed when people say what they "are getting" for Christmas?

27 replies

LilyPotter · 21/12/2008 13:02

I hate, hate, HATE this business of shopping lists to prescribed expectations.
I keep hearing kids (and adults) say "I'm getting this" or "I'm having that." and parents running themselves ragged trying to get exactly what their kids have ordered in case they're disappointed (or, more likely, throw a big strop) on the day. What happened to the element of surprise?
And while I'm ranting, shouldn't it be "what she gave me for Christmas", not "what she bought"

OP posts:
TrinityRhino · 21/12/2008 13:04

that would rile me too
not heard from the kids I know closely thought

MrsMattie · 21/12/2008 13:04

Nice sentiment (and I agree) but once you have older kids, there is little point 'surprising' them with something they don't want and much easier to just get them what you know they will love. No?

My mum used to ask us what we wanted for a 'main present' and then surprise us with stocking fillers, which i think is a nice way to go about it.

TrinityRhino · 21/12/2008 13:05

not heard that from the....

and though not thought
ugh

TrinityRhino · 21/12/2008 13:05

good point mattie

what age kids are you talking about lily?

Original poster
LilyPotter · 21/12/2008 13:08

10/11ish. Although, thinking about it, pretty much across the range.
Sure, there's no point getting something they're not into, but I tend to ask parents for some broad areas, and choose something from there.
Had a situation a few years back when a parent said her DD was desperate for a particular item, I broke my neck sourcing it, to be told that she'd changed her mind and she didn't want it anymore! I was livid!

OP posts:
KatieDD · 21/12/2008 15:24

Most kids are ruined these days, credit crunch should see to that though, next year plenty will be "getting" bugger all.

IwishIwasaStockingStuffer · 21/12/2008 15:27

I got a text from my brother asking what we were 'thinking of buying' for his DC's, I was

tattycoram · 21/12/2008 15:29

Actually, I think it's quite helpful to be told what children want, or at least given a hint. Quite often I think carefully about what a my nieces (who I don't see often, they live miles away) might like, post it and never hear anything back. That's very dispiriting.

BONKERZ · 21/12/2008 15:30

my DCs and nieces and nephews have all written to santa (aged 10 down to 2) and asked for one main present but NONE of them actually think they will get it! My DCs are actually telling people they want paper and pens and stuff for christmas as they are not sure santa will have enough pennies for a WII!!!!!

lilolilbethlehem · 21/12/2008 15:30

MrsMattie, believing in Santa or no, ours have learnt that you can ask for whatever you like, you won't always get it or all of it. DS now 15 and was saying to his Gran on the phone (when asked what he wanted for Christmas) that he had asked for x, y, and z but wouldn't know til Christmas Day what he was actually getting. Am not setting myself up as anything special (far from it, read some of my other threads!) but this is one area where I really do put my foot down. Both DCs have friends who are spoilt rotten at Christmas, often getting more as stocking fillers than mine do as main presents. Bu they don't enjoy or appreciate their lot any more than mine do.

BONKERZ · 21/12/2008 15:31

oh mand my oldest nephew asked for an xbox 360 at beginning of december and told my sister the other day that he understood if he could not have an xbox and would be happy with a new watch and some new curtains instead!!! He genuinly thinks he has not got an xbox!!!!!!!

castille · 21/12/2008 15:35

In theory, buying surprises is nice, more in the spirit of Christmas and all that. But in practice, it's a huge waste of money to be given duplicates, inappropriate toys, clothes that aren't liked, etc

MrsWeasleyStrokesSantasSack · 21/12/2008 15:36

LilyPotter you would like our house Santa is the one who picks gifts for the children after watching them carefully all year. The DCs are always very happy with what they are given.
No dramas, no lists here

Dominique07 · 21/12/2008 15:38

Well I never usually was asked by my parents to write a list for FC, and for some reason my sister and I didn't ask for much.

Parents were very stingy and so they would buy what we asked for e.g. in March and say - you'll get that on Christmas day. They never backed down.

I did get a job when I was 14. Didn't like it much, and quit and so I understood money is hard-earned.

janeite · 21/12/2008 15:39

I am very much of the belief that children, whatever their age, should be encouraged to suggest a few things that they might like. However, they should certainly not get everything that they have asked for and they certainly should be grateful for anything they get. DD1 has asked for GHDs, a mobile phone and a pet. She will not be getting any of those things. But she WILL be getting different things that I know she will love and appreciate. And even more importantly, she will be GIVING some things that she has put care and attention into choosing.

Dominique07 · 21/12/2008 15:42

Mind you i always like to communicate with others about what their expectations are for Christmas, its not fair if one family is buying big individual pressies, and another is sending packs of socks to everyone.

Original poster
LilyPotter · 21/12/2008 15:53

DD asked me this morning if we could do some baking this afternoon. I said "We'll see."
(meaning "over my dead body." We're going away for a fortnight tomorrow and I've a few other things to do. However, I was too cowardly to say it outright)
DD's response? "Yesssssss!"
Where did she learn that "We'll see" meant "yes?"

OP posts:
castille · 21/12/2008 15:55

Buying surprise presents for one's own children is easy.

But when it comes to people we don't see often enough it's impossible, or just very risky and potentially wasteful, without guidance. Mine write lists which we studiously ignore for our own gift buying, but use for reference when relatives ask what they'd like.

HappyMummyOfOne · 21/12/2008 16:21

I would much rather ask for ideas or be asked than end up with items that are duplicates, inappropriate or simply not to a persons taste.

Adults are ok as you know them and can easily buy something but childrens tastes change so often I prefer to ask for ideas to ensure they get something that they like.

loobeylou · 21/12/2008 16:38

It's useful to have an idea of what other DC in the family would like, as you don't always know what they already have.

yesterday we took our 3 DCs to see Santa, and were a bit surprised that the kids were allowed to pick from a huge variety of UNWRAPPED gifts. but it was in fact a great idea, meaning noone was going to be disappointed by a duplicate or otherwise inappropriate gift.

My DCs write a list of suggestions to Santa, very politely, and would be happy with any one item off the list, or with a surprise from santa and might get some of the items from other family etc.

agree a lot of kids tend to expect too much AND be ungrateful. An important part of our christmas prep is doing the shoebox appeal, all 3 DCs (9,7 and 3)are involved in this and think about the kids the boxes go to.

needmorecoffee · 21/12/2008 17:02

I ask my teenagers what they want. No point in wasting money. They know its a 50 pounds limit so suggest a computer game or two and a few books.

MrsArchieTheInventor · 21/12/2008 17:12

DP's family write a list of things they'd like and items are crossed off as people buy them, which I can see the practical point of but it seems to take the mystery out of receiving. I personally prefer to heed innocent hints dropped during the year, such as a cd that someone said they've been trying to find for ages but can't, or a favourite perfume that has ceased to be sold in this country. I'm hoping that ds prefers my way of thinking when he's older rather than write a list and expect everything on it to be under the tree on Christmas morning.

Squirdle · 21/12/2008 17:30

None of our 3 boys know what they are getting. DS1 is 14 and desperately wants a Kayak and so is hoping that he will recieve money from most people (as happened last year) so that he can save for one. However DH saw the very kayak he wants on e-bay and won it. DS has no idea that he is getting it! As for the 2 little ones, we tend to choose their Christmas presents. DS3 has asked FC for a green light saber but that is all he seems to want.

We never go overboard at Christmas (DS1's kayak is a joint Christmas and birthday gift). All of our boys have birthdays within a week or 2 around Christmas, with the 2 youngest birthdays being 8 days before so we struggle to think of what to get them. We got theirs today though

For other children and if someone asks me what to get for mine, I do ask or suggest a few things so that I can choose or the giver can choose.

RustyBear · 21/12/2008 17:40

DD's at university this year & has been trawling various websites (mostly clothing) & clicking the 'Show this to a friend' button.
She's sent me loads, I'm choosing from among them, so she still gets some surprise, but I know she wants everything I get - and I've been able to go straight to the website & buy it online. (It's a lot more difficult once they aren't at home all the time, because I don't know what she might have bought for herself this term)

clam · 21/12/2008 17:50

I think asking for ideas is one thing, but kids knowing in advance (as in "this is what I'm getting") what they are having is a shame. It just reinforces the notion of the greedy commercialism of Christmas.
Mind you, I've just shot myself in the foot on this one. DS needsd a new flute and they're ridiculously expensive. He nobly (I thought) suggested that maybe it could be his Christmas present! As we were going to get him one anyway, it seemed like a good wheeze to us. But I ordered it through the school music service (massive discount) and stressed that they must phone me and I would collect it from the office, thereby by-passing DS and keeping the surprise element. Yeah, right. DS turns up home from school on Thursday, carrying...... his new flute! Some surprise there, then.