to be cross that dh has gone out and spent this week's grocery budget on booze...

[ilovejonty]

.... because - in his words - 'it's Christmas'?

I was so annoyed, we are struggling at the moment, like many people I guess. I gave up a good job to be a sahm and have no money of my own. I was all set to go to Tesco last night but dh arrived home laden with (expensive booze) which he had bought on his way home from work. I asked how much he spent and he said £60. I know he lies and it was probebly more. Even so I was staggered. One bottle of chanpagne cost £10 when I would have been happy with £3 cava.

I said he could have beans on toast last night as I had no money to buy groceries.

I am not a scrooge but he is so extravagant imo. AIBU? And can nI take the £10 bottle of champagne back to get a refund? He won't let me have the receipt?

there is so much wrong with this situation

unless you're going to leave them because this is indicative of his behaviour I would do the following. Sit him down and get him to help plan your meals with what you've got in the cupboards and with what money you have left for the next two weeks. Be positive in this discussion - write down the meals and involve him - he may even come round to thinking there's not enough food and take some of the booze back.

Drink it

You are not being unreasonable at all.

I would have throttled DP if he came home with that. I would then have made him work out what we're having for dinner for the next week.

What an idiot? Is it just that he doens't understand what you mean when you say we have nothing in? My dp says that "we've got nothing in the cupboard" but if I go cook a t meal there's bloody loads!!! He just wants an excuse to get takeaway on his nights to cook.

I can understand you being annoyed (and rightly so), but I think I might see where he is coming from a bit. We have been budgeting hard, but I am soo sick of it. I really want us all to have a nice Christmas, and to make things pleasant for guests who come in over the festivities, that I have spent too much. I do feel a bit bad about it, and DH had a bit of a go at me, but I just think when you are trying to watch the money all year, sometimes it is nice to blow out a bit over Christmas, then tighten your belt agin in the New Year.

jooly - I agree we will spend more than normal for xmas too but the ENTIRE budget on booze? That's abit too far I think.

Yanbu

I'd make him take it back

Yeah- agree that IS too far- it should have been something you both discussed. Why did he buy so much- are you expecting people? Is he maybe worried about looking mean if there are folk coming round? Or is he planning on drinking it all himself?! Also agree that £10 champagne is a waste of cash. I would tell him he has spent the budget, so now it is up to him to find money from somewhere to get the groceries. Give him a list, and send him back to tesco. He might decide to take at least some of it back when he realises the implications? (or maybe not, if he is as stubborn as my DH!) Hope you get it sorted

No dittany, we are £1000 overdrawn at the bank. It's been getting worse since I gave up work 6 months ago. His solution for the groceries is to 'put it on the credit card' but we owe almost £3000 on that and I refuse to add any more on to it. He seems to have absolutley no responsibility or sense with money whatever. He earns less that I do and very unpredictable as commission based. When he does have a good month he blows it. We would have no savings if it wasn;t for me siphoning some off and hiding it in my savings account. I guess I will have to use this for the food. I am really annoyed about this.

I am looking for p/t work but no luck so far. I seem to be over wualified for the sort of thing I need now (sorry if that sounds snobby, not meant to - just a fact)

less that i did I meant (I don't work at all now).

We are only expecting 2 extra on Xmas day!

YANBU You need to sit down with him and work out a budget, based on his pre-commission earnings and including a plan to pay back the credit cards. My dh doesn't have the patience for this so I work it out and then show him. He needs to realise that the money on credit needs to be paid back, showing him how much interest you are paying may bring this home? If you aren't working then the money must be shared, is it in a joint account? You need to be able to see what is coming in and going out. My dh is in sales and we have agreed that a % of commission should go on credit cards and a % on fun stuff. Why are men such a nightmare with money?

I am so glad other people think it is unreasonable. I was beginning to think I was mad. He is very domineering and seems to think that because he earns the money he can do what he likes with it. He hasn't cottoned on to the fact that it's my money now as well (since i am not earning) or the fact that this means we are living above our means.

Sometimes I feel so fed up I think about leaving him but I have a difficult relationship with my parents (who are my only otehr means of 'support') and the mortgage is in my name but I have no money so if he left I would be unable to pay it. When we got married he was divorced and moved into 'my' house. Oh dear... tricky all round.

The mortgage should not be the only reason for staying with your partner, I don't believe this alone justifys leaving him but please be aware, that people on income support can change to an interest only mortgage which is paid instead of housing benifit, you are not trapped in this situation but he does need to grow up and smell the coffee. He's no longer a single bloke and can not act like onwe anymore

I think you are being unreasonable

Ronaldinhio: if you were me how would you pay for this week's food (including xmas stuff/ turkey)?

I second Kerry's suggoestion.

YANBU.

If I were you? Honestly? Well I would get myself a job, any job, and not rely on someone else's money. I also would accept any job if my family needed the money

Also if you aren't working how does he earn less than you do?

You do need to sort out your family finances with him. Can you move the credit card to a new zero percent one and then cut them all up/curb the accounts so they can't be used anymore?

Even if the mortgage is not in his name the house is 50% his because you're married.

R: I mistyped and corrected in the next post. I meant he earns less than I did. I have been applying for ANY job - believe me I would accept anything - but you have to be offered first!! You can't just walk in and demand a job. If you know anywhere where you can do that however, please let me know.

why did you give up work if you earned more and it was secure and not commission based?

Why not your dh whilst you provided?

You could work in tesco etc..have you tried there? Overqualified in what way??

Tesco are not recruiting. I will need to pay for childcare if I work. I am looking for something part time so I won't have to pay tax. I would not want dh bringing up my son on his own. The job I did was very responsible and technical and I would have been away from home a lot. All the info I have on my CV seems to flummox people. I am signed with lots of agencies and although I have tried to highlight the 'general' skills I am still not getting offered jobs. When I apply directly for admin / waiting jobs etc, they say I have no experience.

yanbu - he's behaving like an irresponsible twat. One £10 bottle as an indulgence - OK, understandable, but £60 plus and suggesting you put groceries on the credit card is pretty shitty.

Anyway, this thread was not meant to be about whether I or my (not so) D H should bring up my son, it was about him spending what I thought was over the odds on booze.