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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be so BLOODY ANGRY with this women.

85 replies

dustystar · 19/12/2008 14:05

I am so angry I can't stop shaking

We were supposed to be getting a puppy on wed. A freind of my sisters had been asked to find him a homw and she couldn't take him so they asked me and dh. We have wanted a dog for ages so we said yes.

They live about 1 1/2 drive away so arranged to meet them to pick up dog on wed morn.m When i got there they weren't there so I rang her and she said they had lost the dog on a walk earlier that morn and so wouldn't be coming. I was annoyed that she hadn't bothered to let me know and i had driven all that way but she was so distraught I ended up reassuring her.

They said they would contact me if they heard anything and my sister said both this girl and her dh were really upset and worried about the puppy so I didn't hassle them by texting for news etc but waited for them to contact me. I heard nothing from them yesterday at all so today I texted at 10.45 to see if they'd heard anything.

She called me back nearly an hour later to say the dog had been found safe at 8.15 this morning and that he was physically fine but obviously traumatised by the last few days. Then she told me that she and her dh wanted to keep him now as they had spent 2 days looking for him and were emotionally attached to him.

Nothing I can say can make her change her mind and I am so angry that they are doing this. My poor dd has spent the last 2 1/2 days crying about the dog and I am sure that the upset of not getting him as expected on wed directly contributed to my ds with AS and ADHD having a meltdown at school yesterday.

We have spent loads of money buying things for him and on petrol travelling to get him on wed but as annoying as that is its irrelevant compared to how heartbroken my children will be. She has ruined their xmas

OP posts:
Original poster
dustystar · 19/12/2008 14:55

He's a 7 month old springer worzel

OP posts:
paolosgirl · 19/12/2008 14:56

Have fun Dusty - hope you'll all be very happy together

Saturn74 · 19/12/2008 14:59

I think this may be a blessing in disguise, tbh.

You don't want a dog that is forever trying to run away.

Try the Blue Cross; they are excellent.

Reassure your children that this wasn't the dog for you, and that your perfect dog is waiting for you all after Christmas.

She hasn't ruined their Christmas; try not to let this get you all down too much.

Jolly the children along by looking up different breeds of dogs on the internet, and discussing which type you like best etc.

The Blue Cross and RSPCA have pictures of dogs available for rehoming on their websites.

This women has been thoughtless and rude, and she has behaved irresponsibly; but she was pretty irresponsible to pass on a dog to complete strangers in the first place.

Wrap the dog things up, and put them in the cupboard until you get your (properly researched) dog.

Saturn74 · 19/12/2008 15:01

x posted.
good luck with finding a dog, dusty.

WorzselMincepieYummage · 19/12/2008 15:02

Springers are manic i'm not sure i'd be wanting one which had been rehomed at 7 months for god knows what reason, i to think it may well be a blessing in disguise now.

I net you get a call from the other couple in a few weeks asking if you still want it

Original poster
dustystar · 19/12/2008 15:03

You're right humphrey - I was a bit worried about taking ona dog we hadn't even met but he needed a home quickly and was good with other pets and children so we said yes. It will be better this way I know _ I'm just nagry with them for doing this as they are doing it purely out of selfishness and not for the dog's sake at all. Got to get the kids now.

OP posts:
alfiemamagotstuckupthechimney · 19/12/2008 17:56

Yanbu Dusty. I totally understand you being upset, and can understand how hard it is to explain to the children, especially your ds with asd, my ds (asd) and I know he would be heartbroken, its okay others saying go and get another, but he wont understand this concept at all, when they want something they want it now lol.

Loved the idea about the iou a puppy and give on a nice card.

As Worzel has said, springers are cute but very manic, maybe a nice labradoor puppy. very placid by nature.

Ripeberry · 19/12/2008 19:30

You need to check that they will allow a dog to be rehomed with children. I've been looking for ages to have a dog but loads of rescue centers said they will NOT rehome a dog in a familly with kids under the age of 10yrs.
And most centers don't seem to have any puppies available (not in my area anyway)

Pixel · 19/12/2008 19:33

Dustystar, if I were you I wouldn't mention visiting a rescue centre to your children or just turn up at one with them until you have made some enquiries, otherwise they could be disappointed again. Ring round and ask their policies on homing to families with young children first. I know that in this area the RSPCA and Dogstrust are both reluctant to allow dogs to go to families with small children and they like the youngest to be a certain age before they will consider giving a puppy. My sister lived in a bungalow with an enclosed garden backing on to open downland, worked at a veterinary hospital and had a dh who mostly worked from home and they were still picky over the fact that my children were likely to visit. My mum had the same problem despite having owned dogs all her life. In the end she was successful at a small independent rescue centre who were more prepared to take each family on their own merits rather than have a strict policy, and they were very happy to let her have a dog.
It's all very well people saying 'go and get one from the RSPCA' but it's not as straightforward as that. If you want to get one from a rescue centre you may have to prepare your children for having a slightly older dog rather than a tiny puppy.
FWIW, I would be upset in your shoes too. We picked out a kitten from a rescue foster home when he was 4 weeks old and before he was old enough to come to us the whole litter became ill so we had to wait several months. We were offered another kitten instead but the one we had picked was already ours despite the fact we'd only met him once so I do understand why you feel let down.

Pixel · 19/12/2008 19:33

Blimey, must learn to type quicker, cross post there!

gracie101 · 20/12/2008 15:36

You are being totally unreasonable.

And you're also using your 'devastated children' as an excuse for your childish behaviour.

A plan has gone amiss, BIG DEAL. GET A GRIP. It's up to you to make it right, find a replacement 'gift' and make it a positive experience.

(Not that a dog should be a gift for Christmas anyway FFS.)

Maybe she decided not to give you the dog as you seem a bit mad. Maybe she'd bonded with the dog and the thought of giving the poor thing to the angry woman who was shouting about how much she'd 'spent' and how her kids 'need it for Christmas' wasn't totally appealing to her?

MoreSpamThanGlam · 20/12/2008 15:47

I dont blame Dusty. I think the anticipation of getting a dog is a big deal. Its another family member. Seen or not. THIS is her dog.

However, there is nothing you can do Dusty, except I would text her and tell her how fed up you are.

I think if they are working all day this dog would be better off with you

MrsMagooo · 20/12/2008 15:54

Fattipuff We rescued a dog we hadn't even met & I certainly don't consider it irresponsible. He was in desperate need of a home.

He took a few days to settle with us of course but before long he & DH were inseperable! That was 4 years ago & it's very much a part of our family - one of the best things we ever did!

Dusty I'm sorry to hear this girl has decided to just keep him - that's very unfair.

Tortington · 20/12/2008 15:56

yanbu - and i think its fates way of telling you to get a rescue dog.

MrsMagooo · 20/12/2008 15:58

*He not it

gracie101 · 20/12/2008 16:06

I wouldn't give a dog for Christmas to a woman who was shouting that she had one child who'd cried solidly for 2 days and another one with ADHD who was in the middle of a 'meltdown' as the dog had not magically appeared. The dog would not be going to this house for Christmas. end of.

Good luck getting one of a refuge, You'll get the same response off them too.

RaspberryBlower · 21/12/2008 06:10

What are you talking about gracie? Children with adhd should not be allowed dogs or something? Am I missing something here? Of course her children would be upset. Do you not remember what it was like to be a child? Maybe she should not have told them until the dog was there but that's a different matter.

Wallace · 21/12/2008 06:25

YANBU - I would be annoyed too. It was never their dog.

gracie - do yuo not think the meltdown might have had something to do with the autistic spectrum disorder? What a shitty thing to say

StealthPolarBear · 21/12/2008 08:30

yanbu and i'm amazed so many people think you are.
and they both work FT and don't think that'll be a problem ?

ingles2 · 21/12/2008 08:32

Dusty I totally understand where you are coming from. Deciding to get a dog for the first time is a big deal. you invest a lot of time, money and emotion in making the space within your family for a new member....
I'm really sorry your dc's are upset, but this might be a blessing in disguise. Taking a dog, sight unseen is risky, you need a good match or you could end up with a nightmare on your hands.
Can I recommend the blue X,... we used them recently for a new cat and they were great.
I don't know if money is an issue or not, but when we got our dog we bought her from a reputable breeder having spent ages researching the best breed for us. It is more expensive, but we have a cocker spaniel, who is an absolute sweetheart and has been the best family pet you can ever imagine.
I'm sure you'll find a really great dog for you in the New year,
I agree with getting your dc's to help choose. If you go on the Kennel club website they have a section where you can put in info about your family and they tell you the best breed, they dc's might like looking there.

spicemonster · 21/12/2008 08:54

I can't believe some of the responses on this thread. Yeah, like you'd all be fine with someone looking after something for you and then deciding that they weren't going to give it to you.

The fact it's a dog is irrelevant.

VinegarTitsTheSeasonToBeJolly · 21/12/2008 09:07

YANBU i would be furious too, if they decided they wanted a dog after looking after the puppy for one day, then it should be them who should go out and get a rescue dog

What a cheeky mare, obviously she doesnt give a shit that she has upset your dc, i would have given her a piece of my mind and asked her if she feels good about ruining christmas for your dc

The fact that you can get another dog is not the point here, the dog was promised to you, selfish bitch

kittybrown · 21/12/2008 10:08

Yanbu. Which is more irresponsible, planning to get a dog for months or not think about having a dog then seeing just how cute they are and keeping it.
They have kept a dog which will need alot of attention without thinking about it.

MarmadukeScarlet · 21/12/2008 10:48

I second what Ripeberry said, many larger rescues have a blanket policy on under 5's and often are reluctant to let a dog go to a family with under 10's - I used to be a home assessor for the RSPCA.

A home assessor usually has to meet all members of the family and other pets to check out suitability, so you certainly cannot just surprise them with a rescue dog.

I'm sorry this has happened, I would be upset too.

hercules1 · 21/12/2008 10:56

I'd be annoyed with these people but I am [shocked] that you've never met this dog yourself. We spent a lot of time researching each of our 3 dogs and met both parents of them etc etc. A springer is hard work and needs loads of exercise at the best of times. A 7 month old might have all sorts of issues.

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