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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be so BLOODY ANGRY with this women.

85 replies

dustystar · 19/12/2008 14:05

I am so angry I can't stop shaking

We were supposed to be getting a puppy on wed. A freind of my sisters had been asked to find him a homw and she couldn't take him so they asked me and dh. We have wanted a dog for ages so we said yes.

They live about 1 1/2 drive away so arranged to meet them to pick up dog on wed morn.m When i got there they weren't there so I rang her and she said they had lost the dog on a walk earlier that morn and so wouldn't be coming. I was annoyed that she hadn't bothered to let me know and i had driven all that way but she was so distraught I ended up reassuring her.

They said they would contact me if they heard anything and my sister said both this girl and her dh were really upset and worried about the puppy so I didn't hassle them by texting for news etc but waited for them to contact me. I heard nothing from them yesterday at all so today I texted at 10.45 to see if they'd heard anything.

She called me back nearly an hour later to say the dog had been found safe at 8.15 this morning and that he was physically fine but obviously traumatised by the last few days. Then she told me that she and her dh wanted to keep him now as they had spent 2 days looking for him and were emotionally attached to him.

Nothing I can say can make her change her mind and I am so angry that they are doing this. My poor dd has spent the last 2 1/2 days crying about the dog and I am sure that the upset of not getting him as expected on wed directly contributed to my ds with AS and ADHD having a meltdown at school yesterday.

We have spent loads of money buying things for him and on petrol travelling to get him on wed but as annoying as that is its irrelevant compared to how heartbroken my children will be. She has ruined their xmas

OP posts:

Idrankthechristmasspirits · 19/12/2008 14:30

I don't think you have been flamed. HOwever a few people have disagreed with you, the only comment i thought was unnecessary was the one saying you are a bit mad, but even that was fairly mild.

You didn't buy the dog, it was offered to you and things have changed. Yes it's frustrating but there is nothing you can do and rather than sit there shaking with fury you could move on and find a new solution.

paolosgirl · 19/12/2008 14:30

It doesn't live with the OP! It's not as if the puppy was stolen from her garden, and I'm sure she wasn;t planning to wrap it and put it under the tree for the kids to open on Christmas Day!

Kids are very resilient, and I'm sure they will be very excited at the thought of choosing their own dog.

Merrylegs · 19/12/2008 14:33

But for OP to have to drive 1 1/2 hours and them not to be there and not ring is BVU on their part. Did they really 'lose' the dog (how old is the puppy btw? - When my dog was a pup he would stay close on walks as he was nervous of the big wide world - I wouldn't have let him off the lead anyway when he was little).

Feel bad for you - you sound as if you were committed to the puppy and have been let down, but would also second other posters that Christmas is actually quite a stressful time to get a puppy.

Why not give DCs a 'promise voucher' or some such - 'I promise to get you a puppy in the new year - we can go and choose it together' - print it on a puppy christmas card - (pets at home have some really cute ones) or put it on a label attached to a cuddly pup. Would that help?

Original poster

dustystar · 19/12/2008 14:35

I know there's nothing I can do and we will still go out and get another puppy but I needed to rant about how pissed off I am that this has happened at all

OP posts:

RaspberryBlower · 19/12/2008 14:35

I would be fuming too, so I don't think you are being unreasonable, especially as it's disappointed your kids. You always get "just get on with it and stop moaning" posts whenever you post anything on here. But I agree that you probably don't really have a leg to stand on and will have to get another dog. Hope you find one soon.

LittleJingleBellas · 19/12/2008 14:37

Of course I'd be pissed off, but I wouldn't be shaking with anger.

And tbh I feel a bit uncomfortable with the assertion that somehow it's not the same going to get the dog after christmas, as if it were there for christmas. I think that kind of attitude to dogs should be strongly discouraged tbh. I don't know maybe I'm a puritan but I just feel deeply unhappy about the thought of the dog being there for christmas being important - I kind of think it's good for children to understand that the dog arriving at an inconvenient time is also just as valid... a dog isn't the same as a lego set or a doll's house and I suppose I just have a visceral reaction to it being treated like a christmas present. It's a living animal and the fact that it might arrive 3 weeks after christmas, shouldn't matter - not one jot. I think that's why I said you were mad, sorry about that.

BitOfFunUnderTheMistletoe · 19/12/2008 14:38

YANBU- I would be so upset if I were in your shoes, and sad at the thought of the puppy staying with people too irresponsible to look after him properly

Can you contact the original owner and get them to kick some butt? They didn't think they were sending the puppy to live with these people, did they? I would keep fighting for the dog, especially as they sound like rubbish dog owners. All the people grumping at you on this thread will be singing a different tune once it starts crapping in their front gardens with nobody cleaning up after it...

paolosgirl · 19/12/2008 14:40

Agree Jingle - getting the dog, not getting-the-dog-for-Christmas-for-the-sake-of-the-kids is what's important.

That said, I would be p*ssed off at driving all that way and spending all that money on diesel, so I'm with the OP on that one.

ChristMarsSleighdy · 19/12/2008 14:41

dusty.. if you want to rant then you rant away. You're entitled to be angry and pissed off. Much better that you rant here in the safe anonymity of MN.

Pinkyminkee · 19/12/2008 14:42

dusty I can understand absolutely why you are upset, but it is hard if they have 'bonded' with the dog.
I know the Manchester dogs home does a fostering over Christmas scheme, and you can decide to keep the dog afterwards- my friends did just that- maybe your local dog rescue does similar?

ChristmasPenguin · 19/12/2008 14:43

YABU. Sorry, but you shouldn't have told your DD yet, until you had him. If you want a dog, get another dog.

Yes, it'd be really nice for the dog to be further traumatised by moving to a new family just after being lost for 2 days.

OrmIrian · 19/12/2008 14:44

Glad the puppy was found and is safe and well and in a loving home. Very sad for you and your DC but you can get another dog. I know it might not be in time for Christmas but it will be something to look forward to after all teh Christmas excitement is over. Could you take your DC on a preliminary visit to a rescue centre today? Get the ball rolling asap.

Original poster

dustystar · 19/12/2008 14:44

He wasn't a xmas present at all and tbh it was bad timing not good timing but we talked it through and decided we would give him a home. Its just sad for the kids when they were so looking forward to it and now they are going to be upset.

OP posts:

Nekabu · 19/12/2008 14:45

How about you wrap all the bits and bobs you've already bought up in a present for your children with a 'letter' from the dogs home you'll be going to saying something like "I am waiting for you to come and find me after Christmas. love your dog." or some such and then, after all the Christmas fuss is over, go and find a suitable dog together. They'll probably enjoy choosing a dog even more than getting one given to them as they'll be able to pick one that they like and that likes them.

I'd avoid getting one before Christmas though as all the fuss can be very overwhelming for a puppy.

OrmIrian · 19/12/2008 14:46

They might not be so upset if you take them straight to the RSPCA or similar right this minute. It might be even more fun.

WorzselMincepieYummage · 19/12/2008 14:47

Getting a pup is so much easier in the spring anyway.. less mud, less 2 am 'hugo go peepee' trips out to the frozen tundra that is your garden, More time for walks and general showing off and the kid'll be able toi talk it in the evenings if they are old enough

what kind of pup was it ?.. just because i am nosey really

jollyoldstnickschick · 19/12/2008 14:47

are you certain they have found it??

OrmIrian · 19/12/2008 14:47

nekabu - I doubt very much that dusty would be able to get a dog before Christmas from a rescue centre. Lots of checks to go through, but a visit today would get the ball rolling.

ChristmasPenguin · 19/12/2008 14:48

Sorry, that sounded a bit harsh. She should have called you to let you know, and just generall ybeen in contact more, but otherwise it's just bad luck unfortunately.

paolosgirl · 19/12/2008 14:49

Dusty, honestly, I think they'll be OK if you explain that the puppy had a huge fright, and that you will still be getting a dog - and get them in the car now, go to the rehoming centre this afternoon, make into a huge fun event, and perhaps even make a trip to the pet shop to let them buy a toy or something for their 'new' puppy.

Original poster

dustystar · 19/12/2008 14:50

My sister has already been looking online and has found a couple of possible rescue dogs I am still angry with them for doing this but they're not going to change their minds and theirs nothing I can do so I'm not going to waste any more energy on the whole thing. I just needed to rant and get it all out before getting my children from school. At least now i will be calmer when i tell them and hopefully even though they will be upset can get them excited about looking for another dog.

Thanks to everyone who offered support

OP posts:

jollyoldstnickschick · 19/12/2008 14:50

Our freecycle has a pet bit attatched to it maybe your local one will too?

FattipuffsandThinnifers · 19/12/2008 14:50

Tbh it's appalling you're getting a dog you haven't even met! Incredibly irresponsible.

How on earth do you know if a) it's suitable for you and your family (especially as your ds has SN), b) suitable for your home or lifestyle?

If you really want a dog you'd be better off going to a proper rehoming charity like RSPCA/Dogs Trust and meeting a dog (with the whole family) who you'll all get on with.

As others have said if you really want one, waiting 2 weeks won't matter. Though pretty much all responsible charities won't rehome them for Xmas anyway, as thousands of dogs are bought as presents then abandoned in the new year.

OrmIrian · 19/12/2008 14:51

Yay dusty! Good. It will be fun.

OrmIrian · 19/12/2008 14:52

BTW - try RSPCA website. They have plenty of rescue centres all over the UK

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