I have just witnessed my dh acting in what i think was a very aggressive manner to 3 year old ds. Ds was trying to pick up Christmas presents from under a christmas tree (not ours). So dh tells him to stop. Ds ignores him twice and carries on trying to throw the presents around. Dh is angry by this point and picks ds up by the hood of his coat and lifts him into the air, ds looks and sounds like he can't breathe. I tell dh to stop because I felt it was too aggressive. Dh is upset because he says I don't back him up. I really hate violence and cannot condone this sort of action. He says we are too soft on ds and he will end up spoilt. This the second time dh has flown into a rage at ds and hurt him. Last time he slapped ds face. Dh is from the middle east and said his father smacked him alot as a child and that he said he still respects his father. He says ds should have more respect for us when we say no. Aibu to think violence is not the answer. I think I need some research to back me, as dh doesn't believe me.