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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder what really is the majority social demographic on Mumsnet?

331 replies

CestNoel · 18/12/2008 11:23

I see soooo many threads along the lines of:

  • should I sack my au-pair?

  • anybody know any good cleaners?

  • my career is too important for me to go to my child's concert...

  • can I get free transport to a private school?!?!?!?

  • my dd has been given a non-organic fruit drink at nursery

  • drats. My new Boden trousers are too short.

And then, everyone is up in arms at the idea of spending £10 on a present to take to a child's birthday party and we have all sorts of suggestions as to how to buy something suitably non-tack like for about £1.49

Is the beauty of Mumsnet I suppose.......

OP posts:
Desiderata · 18/12/2008 23:27

You live in a different world to me, Quattro.

That little 'someone' who picks your kids up from school?

Sorry, don't know them. That's my job.

twinsetiscrapatflouncing · 18/12/2008 23:28

I dont think you define class by cash but it is certainly not defined by intelligence, I am of course assuming that the m.c class themselves as intelligent and us working class types as illiterate ignorant types.

NotanOtter · 18/12/2008 23:29

i got 0-3 on the bbc one????

and 245 on the other one which does not fall into any classification

always knew i was a misfit

Quattrocento · 18/12/2008 23:30

We all live in different worlds though, right? Sometimes I find myself living in a different world than DH. But why is an AP "suspicious"?

NotanOtter · 18/12/2008 23:32

i am about the only person i know without a cleaner

cory · 18/12/2008 23:33

Not suspicious to me. But then I am not at all suspicious of people who belong to more affluent strata of society. It is a bit of a class indicator though. I certainly don't know anyone around here who employs either a nanny or an au-pair. But I view you entirely without suspicion

BucksFizz · 18/12/2008 23:33

Message deleted

retiredgoth2 · 18/12/2008 23:37

....the point about house size has validity.

That said, it isn't really, or at least not primarily, about finance.

Childminders are more expensive than Au Pairs (assuming enough space), but there are assumptions about norms that are part of class. At the monozygote's school there are, to my knowledge, NO au pairs collecting kids, yet childminders aplenty. The social norm there is upper working class, people could afford it but just don't.

The feral urchin attends an excellent school in a troubled estate (he was excluded from the other school. Long story). I attended the school concert last week. My abiding memories are of large extended families, and of the smell of fags.

(I sometimes invent for effect. Not this...)

....I have friends who live in solidly upper middle class areas, there Au Pairs/Nannys are a commonplace. Income is involved, but it is more about prevailing attitudes...

BucksFizz · 18/12/2008 23:37

Message deleted

twinsetiscrapatflouncing · 18/12/2008 23:37

I have had an au pair and cleaner but am certainly not affluent, just over worked and have an illness that means I need help. I now have neither though as we are too poor

Desiderata · 18/12/2008 23:37

The AP is not suspicious, but the need for one is.

I'm afraid I'm rather dyed in the wool in my opinion on this. If your career is so important to you, than don't have children.

If you must employ a stranger to look after your own children, then so be it. But if you moan about said stranger, you're not in a good position.

My MIL is a uni lecturer in law. All her pupils tell her that they hated their child care arrangements, and that when they have families of their own, they will do things differently.

These are 20+ people. You can't argue the facts.

TeenyTinyTorya · 18/12/2008 23:39

Ooh thanks NAO - no-one's ever said anything so nice to me before!

twinsetiscrapatflouncing · 18/12/2008 23:40

"If your career is so important to you, than don't have children."

My child and career are important to me, does this apply to just women or men as well. I work very hard but have a partner who fits his working life completely around my dd but we had to put in hard work to get to that point hence at one stage an au pair was needed.

Desiderata · 18/12/2008 23:42

Yes, it applies to men as well, Twinset.

Are both of you so important that you have to employ an au-pair?

Sorry, but it's pants as far as I'm concerned.

poinsettydog · 18/12/2008 23:44

you can't ignore the house size issue when it comes to having an au pair. It's fairly crucial.

LightShinesInTheDarkness · 18/12/2008 23:44

You make a good point - Desid. There is a difference between a career and a job. I would have loved a career, but felt I could not devote the time and energy to furthering a career, without my family losing out by me not being around enough. So, I have a a job, which pays the bills, is not too demanding and allows me to focus on my family. Its not a class thing (I went to independent school, Uni etc), I made a choice.

poinsettydog · 18/12/2008 23:45

how often does your mil talk to her law students about their childcare arrangements, des? That's all a bit odd.

twinsetiscrapatflouncing · 18/12/2008 23:46

I no longer need to employ an aupair, we employed one when I first returned to full time work, having been at home with my dd for 5 years. I found the adjustment from being at home a few days a week to working f/t just too much and it was making me ill. DD was having to go to breakfast and after school clubs and she didnt like it the au pair dropped woke dd up in the morning, I left for work at around 6 and dp at 7.15am and she would collect dd from school and look after her until do arrived home at 5.15. She also did some light housework so my weekends could be spent with dd and not doing housework.

Now my dp works from home and as I said above he is able to structure his day ti suit dd.

poinsettydog · 18/12/2008 23:46

20 people chatting to their law lecturer wouldn't count as fact to me. It'd be opinion.

twinsetiscrapatflouncing · 18/12/2008 23:48

My dp has a job and I have a career. I think one of the reasons I am such a good teacher is because I have a family and understand how family life works. By your logic desi the only people to teach or be in any profession would be the childless.

CuddlyUnderTheMistletoe · 18/12/2008 23:48

Gosh Desdirata that is a hell of a statement.

I am currently skint to the knuckle but I have people look after my ds to keep me out of the benefits system. I may have misinterpreted your statement but are you saying I should not complain about 'said stranger' in any aspect?

I have standards and I do not believe they are especially high but they are non negotiable where ds' care is concerned.

It is late so I may be confused, apologies if so.

poinsettydog · 18/12/2008 23:48

quatt, most people have their children at the local school so teh child either walks to the childminder/carer or the carer collects the young children.

twinsetiscrapatflouncing · 18/12/2008 23:49

Obviously I did not have a tiny house but we did have a very average 3 bed semi, nothing special and I was certainly not affluent. We just needed help to make our family life work so prioritised that.

cory · 18/12/2008 23:51

Lots of people around here use after school clubs or relatives or parents work in shift. But don't know of anyone who would have a spare sleeping space for an au-pair; more common for siblings to have to share rooms.

LightShinesInTheDarkness · 18/12/2008 23:54

twinset - i agree with you, its about the choices you make with what you have, not what you were born with! Brilliant as us mums are, we can't do it all.