To expect my nanny NOT to feed my two year old a McDonalds Happy Meal?

[coolbeans]

I know it's not the end of the world and he is nearly three but I don't think it's unreasonable to expect her to ASK me, at least, before takes him out and stuffs him full of chicken nuggets and chips for lunch.

I'm not against McD's as such, but he's still really little and there's no need to take him there yet - it's not a bloody treat - as she seems to think.

I think that's what has annoyed me most. It's just food, I don't want him associating it with being a "treat" outing.

I sacked my butler for bringing a Filet-O-Fish into the house. Peasant! I could't get the smell out of the under-the-stairs quarters for months!

Mrs Mattie! The Horror of it!

I don't care if my children have a McDonalds once in a while.

whatever your job is, if you dont get told not to do something, how are you meant to know not to do it?

as the op hadnt told her nanny not to go to md's, just as my ex mb hadnt - why wouldnt she go there, once in a blue moon

like with the poster (soz forgotten who) whose nanny gave child tea to drink, mum said not to do it again, and sure nanny wont

my ex ex charge liked tea, parents were irish and drank loads - and she had it watered down and made milky

its a bit like some parents complaining what you feed/cook their children

and you use the food in their fridge/freezer

if you dont want your children eating xxxx, then dont buy it

"whatever your job is, if you dont get told not to do something, how are you meant to know not to do it?"

Because you have a skill and knowledge that means you behave in a certain way.

Employers should not have to spell out every little detail to their employees. Though I suppose that if you employ people with very few skills, it will be hard work employing them.

Yes, I have had many employment contracts in my life, and I have written many.

But they didn't spell out detail (thank goodness). There are basic assumptions that you make about behaviour associated with certain skill sets.

Every family does things differently - something that might seem obvious to you, because that's how you run your family, might seem odd or excessive to another mum.

If you feel very strongly about something you need to tell your nanny. I've worked for a families where the kids could watch I specific TV programme and nothing else, families where kids could watch TV several times a day, families where the parents thought I was mad that TV might be suitable for toddlers - same with sweets, food, going out in fancy dress, going to softplay, using public transport.

Sure, every family is different - which is why the nanny in the OP ought to have checked with the parents before taking the child to MDs. You just cannot write a contract that covers every eventuality and detail of behaviour.

You could include: "will prepare nutritious food at all meal times" which would make a meal out at MDs a violation of contract.

Anna: "The difference is that since childcarers are poorly paid for the job they do, they are generally less skilled than the job requires, hence the need to micromanage."

Perhaps you are commenting on French nounous, rather than English nannies. I would expect that for the market rate of an English nanny, I get a skilled childcare professional. Even then , I still would not assume that she would know not to take my child to McD's without consulting me. How do you even find out whether someone has the same values as you do (as you seem to require of your childcarers) if you do not talk to them, even about 'minutiae'.

Agree with jujumaman about the need for give-and-take in domestic employment situations for them to work. And that the advantage of a nanny is that you can make them follow your instructions in a way a nursery or cm cannot.

In the example about giving children a bit of tea, I would have been quite relaxed about a nanny giving my children a bit of tea- I have done so in the past when my children were curious about what I was drinking. We can roughly have the same values, but the devil is still in the details when it comes to someone looking after your child.

ditto tankie, if an employer really feels that strongly about something, then tell the nanny, we are NOT mind readers

so if you dont want children to watch tv, eat sweets etc tell us

as we look after and work for lots of different famillies, ALL have different views, and that is fine, AS long as they tell us

anna - are you saying that I am unskilled and have no knowledge as i took child to md's?

i certainly am very unskilled at reading peoples minds

and as i said it was pot, kettle and black, as mb then took children there a year later

yes i know, its do what i say and not what i do but still - if you dont like md's then you dont like them, you dont suddenly like them a year later [fhmmm]

It would also exclude the child from ever attending a birthday tea or eating a biscuit Anna.

Lots of people don't mind their children going to McDonald's occasionally. If the OP's family is much like others, how would the nanny know?

Life is too short to read all this thread but Anna - macdonalds food is nutritous - in that it provides some of the necessary nutrients for life. Doesn't provide all of them and there are foods that provide far more but it is inaccurate to imply that Macdonalds food is not nutritous because to some level it is. Regarding fat - my understanding is that children need higher fat levels in their food than adults do in order to allow for proper growth. If a nanny didn't feed my children at all I'd accuse her of neglect. If a nanny took my children to Macdonalds I'd ask her to bring me back a donut. So shoot me!

blueshoes - I don't think that the food issue is a value issue (which suggests social class), but a skill issue. Caring properly for a child requires a certain common skill set, albeit one that varies somewhat between cultures, which is where the discussion of culture and values is useful.

Anyway, since I have never had a problem with the care given to my child by anyone I have employed to take care of her, I do actually think it is quite possible to employ people and to evaluate pretty early on whether or not they have the necessary skills

I think you have to spell it out to her that you don't approve of McDonalds so don't want them to go there in the future unless she clears it with you first (I guess if one of their friends has a McD's birthday party for example them you might feel you've got to let them go rather than exclude them.

I would say its good practice for a nanny to feed her charges healthy food but the occasional bit of junk doesn't do harm. I once saw a nanny buying a little girl a portion of chips in the chip shop and thought I wouldn't have been happy if I had been the mum!

Childcarers need to have, and do have, a good sense of appropriate nutrition for children. However, it's perfectly normal for parents using childcare to spell out what they do or don't want their child to eat.

I used to work in a very posh nursery that only served organic, seasonal, homemade food, but we still had lots of instructions from parents - Tabitha is not to have sausages, Rufus may only have yoghurt for pudding etc. Other parents were fine with their children having sausage and mash and apple crumble and custard.

We did give them pizza, crisps and orange squash at their Christmas party though Party food isn't the best nutrition, but it does no harm once a year.

anna, I don't see knowing when to check with the parent which food is ok or not as a occasional treat as a skill issue - that is quite bizarre. Some parents are control freaks about certain things, others are more relaxed. The nanny just needs what the parent's preferences are. A lot of nannies on this thread seem to be saying this. If it is important to the parent, pipe up!

I only mentioned values because earlier on you said: "I'd rather any childcarer and I has similar cultural values so that we didn't have to labour through details and I didn't have to micro-manage." I would not particularly consider this to be a values issues either.

The skill is having enough knowledge about nutrition to know to check systematically with the parent when the employee would like to cross the boundaries between good and bad nutrition.

And as for cultural values and liking terrible food because I'm a lower socio-economic childcarer and all that - when I was a child my mum cooked everything from scratch, fresh veg from the garden and eggs from our own chickens, but we still had the occasional Happy Meal as a treat! It was the bribe to ensure we behaved while buying new school shoes and uniforms...