Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my ex's gf round at my flat on christmas morning?

66 replies

spookycharlotte121 · 17/12/2008 13:10

Me ane exp arranged weeks ago that he was coming to my flat on christmas morning to spend 1 measly fucking hour with the kids and open prezzies with them. His gf and her dd now want to come. Im starting to get really fucked off by this. Can he not just spend 1 hour on his own with his kids without being supervised?
For those of you who come on here and say she is his other half and has intrests in the kids yadda yadda, its a load of bull, she only wants to be here coz she doesnt trust us together.
I dont know weather to scream or cry. He said that she is going to go mad if she cant come so he will take them over to his for a bit instead but then I dont get to do the whole gift opening thing with them.
I thought we would spend the morning hanging out in our pj's opening prezzies and then get dressed and go to my mums but now its tits up. Im so angry, its dd's first christmas and I wanted it to be special but now it looks like its gonna be crap and Im sick of always being the one to compromise.

OP posts:
Original poster
spookycharlotte121 · 17/12/2008 13:10

p.s sorry about the swearing. Im really upset about it.

OP posts:
Lockets · 17/12/2008 13:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

throckenholt · 17/12/2008 13:15

keep your presents to open with them at your mum's and let him have an hour or so at his house to open his presents.

And you can have a nice quiet hour or two at home - have a long bath and relax

FrostytheSurfmum · 17/12/2008 13:18

It sounds to me like you need to do separate things. Open your presents with them first thing in the morning, let him take them to his for an hour or so and they can have the pressies from him, then carry on with your plans.

Original poster
spookycharlotte121 · 17/12/2008 13:19

but i dont waant to have a nice quiet bath I want to enjoy a special morning with my kids, there will be douzens of relatives fussing round the kids at my mums so i wont get a look in.

Im reaaly very upset about all of this.

OP posts:
Heated · 17/12/2008 13:19

Can the hour that he spends be over at your mum's? What would happen if you said 'no, not happening'?

Heated · 17/12/2008 13:21

That way he can compete for the children's attention with the rest of the rellies and surely the suspicious gf can relax that you're not going to jump his bones!

Coldtits · 17/12/2008 13:21

YANBU

Let him take them to his at 7am for an hour, and open their presents from him there. If he's only going to do one hour, you should get to choose the hour.

Then when he brings them back, you have the rest of the day to open pressies and go to your mum's.

Bear in mind, your DD's first Christmas will still be special FOR HER because she gets to see her dad.

throckenholt · 17/12/2008 13:21

ok - well say he can have them for some of Boxing day - but you want to keep Xmas morning just for you and the kids (and him as agreed previously).

SilverSparkle · 17/12/2008 13:22

Why can't you tell him that she's not welcome and if he doesn't like it then thats tough!

Its not as if your stopping him seeing the kids and why should your xmas be spoilt.

Coldtits · 17/12/2008 13:22

Ohhhh yes I can imagine the new girlfrined will get the VERY warmest reception at YOUR MUM'S!

youknownothingofthecrunch · 17/12/2008 13:23

It would be one thing if she wanted to be there because they are a partnership, but just to check up on him?! It's pathetic and I wouldn't want her there either.

Tell him he can come on his own or not at all. This is his dd FFS, why can't he grow a backbone?

OlderNotWiser · 17/12/2008 13:23

Think he is BU. Id just say no, do your own thing with your children, open pressies, go to your mums, he will have to see them and do pressies some other time over christmas. he is being a bit of a wimp methinks...his problem if GF is stroppy, why should it be yours too?

TheVirginGoober · 17/12/2008 13:23

You've got to lay the law down.

The idea behind him coming at all was to watch HIS children open their Christmas presents, now the GF's DD will be there, it is going to take the focus off your DC's.
AND
You will have to civil to the GF in YOUR home. You'd be very tempted to gob in her coffee wouldn't you?
Just say NO!

VinegarTitsTheSeasonToBeJolly · 17/12/2008 13:23

Just tell him no she cant come, its your home, you get to say who come and goes, ask him whats more important, seeing his kids on christmas morning? or keeping his gf happy? if he chooses the latter, his loss

Alambil · 17/12/2008 13:24

"No. She can not come.

I'll be at my mums from X. We are expecting you, alone, at X.

See you then."

If she turns up, don't let them in; she's taking the fucking piss now.

OR he gets to open HIS presents to the kids (what's that - one each?) at his place with the gf and her kid.... then you go to your mums and have a fantastic day

(PS Xmas morning on your own with kids aint all it's romantically cracked up to be - I prefer being around the clucking family.... so you could think about it)

tessofthedurbervilles · 17/12/2008 13:24

I would tell him she is not welcome - the kids seeing their parents together for an hour on xmas day and opening pressies will mean a lot to them. I am sure she will understand that in that hour you will be busy with the kids not each other?

NotDoingTheHousework · 17/12/2008 13:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
spookycharlotte121 · 17/12/2008 13:26

he wont come to my mums I know he wont. We are going away to visit other reatives on boxing day which we do every year otherwise he could have had them then.
Im upset that these arrangements have been in place for weeks. Every time he has picked the kids up I have checked that they were still on and now she wont let him see them alone.

I've a right mind to say sod you then, If you cant put your kids need first for once, dont bother seeing them at all but he knows im not like that. Its 1 hour for him to come and see the kids open their presents. I have been making the dc's a scrap book and wanted some pics for it of them with their dad on xmas day.

Agggghhh I could scream. Why does he have to be such a twat. say its ok for weeks and weeks and then do this. I knew it was too bloody good to be true. I wish for once he could put the kids first.

OP posts:
Coldtits · 17/12/2008 13:28

Just Say NO.

Why should you disarrange your whole day just to pacif his girlfriend?/ Your duty is to your children but you can't MAKE him be a man. Tell him she's not welcome in your house but is welcome to wait outside on the pavement with a bugging device if she chooses. Or he is welcome to go fuck a fence post.

Heated · 17/12/2008 13:28

Actually the more I think about it, it's an excellent idea! Spookycharlotte will sound more than reasonable in offering him Xmas day time - round at her mum's (hehe ) - and then the gf is left to wrestle with facing the Spookyfamily gauntlet versus her unreasonable jealousy. Why should her personality problems inconvenience and upset SpookyC?

SilverSparkle · 17/12/2008 13:29

I'm sorry but i would have to tell him that shes not welcome and if its important that he sees his kids on xmas morning than he'll turn up as arranged weeks ago with her. Don't let them spoil xmas for you.

blinks · 17/12/2008 13:30

his relationship woes are not your problem so i would be saying 'NO'. Stand your ground but don't be drawn into their jealousy issues. I wouldn't want her at my house full stop.

if that's not acceptable, they could go round to his house for a few hours on boxing day instead.

why do you feel you can't say no?

SilverSparkle · 17/12/2008 13:30

i meant to say he'll come WITHOUT her

compo · 17/12/2008 13:30

I think you should let them come
Is he serious about this girlfriend? If so her dd could be your kids step sister in a few years so you may as well all start getting along now otherwise it will be ahrder for the kids in the long run