Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my ex's gf round at my flat on christmas morning?

66 replies

spookycharlotte121 · 17/12/2008 13:10

Me ane exp arranged weeks ago that he was coming to my flat on christmas morning to spend 1 measly fucking hour with the kids and open prezzies with them. His gf and her dd now want to come. Im starting to get really fucked off by this. Can he not just spend 1 hour on his own with his kids without being supervised?
For those of you who come on here and say she is his other half and has intrests in the kids yadda yadda, its a load of bull, she only wants to be here coz she doesnt trust us together.
I dont know weather to scream or cry. He said that she is going to go mad if she cant come so he will take them over to his for a bit instead but then I dont get to do the whole gift opening thing with them.
I thought we would spend the morning hanging out in our pj's opening prezzies and then get dressed and go to my mums but now its tits up. Im so angry, its dd's first christmas and I wanted it to be special but now it looks like its gonna be crap and Im sick of always being the one to compromise.

OP posts:
themoon66 · 17/12/2008 13:30

Was she seeing to him when he was still with you? Is her DD his too?

Sorry I don't know the history behind this.

I'd say you can come alone or not at all.

MerryMadMarg · 17/12/2008 13:32

I'm going to go against the tide a little bit here - but he is their father after all, and he is entitled to see the children on Christmas day. He can't have them on boxing day because 'you've' made plans, when is he supposed to see them?

If his gf doesn't trust him alone with you, then yes, it's his problem, but if they come over it's only going to be for 1 measly hour. Otherwise, let them take the DCs away with them for an hour if you can't put up with her.

My Sister always ended up in court with her EX with regard to access, and he ALWAYS got the DCs after 3.00 pm on Christmas day for a week, and same on Easter. This went on until they were in their mid-teens and they refused to go and see him anymore (alcoholic). So all in all, its only 1 hour - sorry to be so blunt, but suck it up.

NotDoingTheHousework · 17/12/2008 13:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
spookycharlotte121 · 17/12/2008 13:35

LMAO compo.... you have obviously never read a thread about my ex beofre. This is the guy with 7 kids and he is only 26. Me and his gf do get along but Im sick onf compromising to suit their needs and pushing my own feelings to the back.
He cant be very serious about his gf becuase he always bitches about her on the phone to me.... and she rings me up and does the same about him.
Her dd isnt his no, she doesnt have contact with her own dad either so it might be hard for his gf to understand how important i feel it is for him to have an hour alone with his kids on christmas day.

OP posts:
VinegarTitsTheSeasonToBeJolly · 17/12/2008 13:36

In normal circumstances i would agree with letting her come as it would be good for the dc to see you all getting along amicably

But its christmas day ffs, its once a year, and its a special day for you and your dc, tell him NO the gf stays at home, if he doesnt come alone thats not your fault, she needs to grow up and so does he by the sound of it

OlderNotWiser · 17/12/2008 13:37

Disagree MMM...think you've missed the point - ex is changing things to suit himself. Its not the amount of time or when, its the principle (and the ridiculousness of spending ANY time with an ex's GF on christmas day)To answer your question "When is he meant to see them?" well - that had all been arranged actually hadn't it?

Heated · 17/12/2008 13:37

Does he see his other children? Is his Christmas day filled up with 1 hour slots?

herbietea · 17/12/2008 13:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

VinegarTitsTheSeasonToBeJolly · 17/12/2008 13:40

lol heated, How many other dc has he got?

JumpingJingleBellsDizzy · 17/12/2008 13:43

Was thinking the same thing re: 1 hour slots.

Hope you get it all sorted, she has reason to worry by the sounds of it. Not about you I mean but him.

Original poster
spookycharlotte121 · 17/12/2008 13:43

he doesnt see any of them or even pay for them. He doesnt pay for my kids either but at the moment Im happy that he is seeing them and once I know this is going to be a regular thing i will try and sort maintenance out.

OP posts:
VinegarTitsTheSeasonToBeJolly · 17/12/2008 13:46

Tell him he can have his gf come once he starts paying regular maintainence for his dc

compo · 17/12/2008 13:47

I still think he has a right to see his kids on xmas day with or without his girlfriend

shelleyloukissessantaselves · 17/12/2008 13:47

no way are you BU!!! Tell him no shes not coming or would it be possible for the dc's to go to his for a litle while christmas eve.
Tell you what ive got to tell my ex he cant come for christmas so ill do it with you

mm22bys · 17/12/2008 13:52

Agree with the majority, I wouldn't want any ex in my house ever, and especially not in Christmas Day.

If she doesn't trust him to see his child open her present(s) on Christmas Day, it says alot about the poor state of the relationship so why should she and he upset you on such a special day?

Either he sees his DD for one hour ALONE on Christmas Day, or he does't see her at - it's not like it wasn't pre-arranged, and given your Boxing Day plan. And sorry to be harsh but if it's your DD's first Christmas, will she honestly be that bothered if he's there or not?

Good luck what a mess!

Heated · 17/12/2008 13:54

Tough one then as you probably don't want to make it too easy for him just to slope off into the sunset, especially if dcs are looking forward to seeing him. But in allowing the surveillance-mode gf to come to the house, you're setting a precedent for future visits.

Can you grit your teeth and bear it or is a case of over your dead body? Could always hand her a kilo of brussel spouts and vegetable knife as she comes through the door and tell her to make herself useful

VinegarTitsTheSeasonToBeJolly · 17/12/2008 13:54

of course he has a right to compo, but his gf doesnt and he has no right to request she be there, he is capable of coming alone

Original poster
spookycharlotte121 · 17/12/2008 13:54

I have just txt him saying

"I'm sorry but I'm really pissed off about this. I'm not being unreasonable in my request for you to spend an hour opening gifts with your children on christmas day! Just put the kids fucking first for once, its really not that hard!
Once again someone elses needs are being put before them. I know she doesnt trust us together, that has been made clear but on this occasion im not backing down. its 1 hour for you to spend alone with your kids giving them all your attention on christmas day! If she has an issue with that then its her problem, not yours!"

then he rang me a grovelled!!!

OP posts:
mm22bys · 17/12/2008 13:55

I think too what's important is the motive for the current GF to want to be there. It's not that she wants to play happy (step) families, but she simply doesn't trust him.

It would be so joyous if she were there

Just say no!

compo · 17/12/2008 13:56

good for you
so he's coming alone then?

scorpio1 · 17/12/2008 13:57

how long has she been in exp's life?

believer07 · 17/12/2008 13:58

The complex world of ex's

SilverSparkle · 17/12/2008 13:58

What did he say when he called? Stay strong

Original poster
spookycharlotte121 · 17/12/2008 13:59

He's going to talk to her. I said he can come for an hour (or more if he wants ) anytime before 12. He did the whole "im stuck in the middle routine... I cant win" and i got shitty and he said he would see what he can do.

Im nott backing down. he either does what we agreed or doesnt see the kids untill the 27th when its his acess day. He says he really wants to see them christmas day so time will tell how much he really wants it.

OP posts:
scorpio1 · 17/12/2008 14:00

i think you are doing well with all this, you know. I was going to say yabu, but then i saw that he is not serious about her, bitches about her to you, etc. I would have suggested if it was 'serious' that maybe it could happen, but it seems so immature of him to bitch, therefore he cannot be serious about her, iyswim??

And sort out maintenance paying, what a cheek.