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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be a bit peeved that DD aged 4 has been told at school that FC does not exist?

92 replies

geisha · 16/12/2008 19:04

She was told by a class mate who is a Jehovah's Witness? Whilst I undertand and respect the belief of the JW class mate, I feel a bit that she told my DD this. I don't know how JW families address the Christmas issue with their children?..... I do appreciate that even if the class mate's mum had asked her to be a bit discrete with the other children about the FC issue, the child may find this difficult as you do tend to say it as you see it at 4! I explained to DD that FC comes to all children who believe in him and celebrate Christmas but she is a bit suspicious which I think is a shame at 5! DD is very clear that the aforementioned child does not celebrate Christmas and that has been mentioned several times but the fact that FC doesn't exist? Actually I probably am BU but I think it's a shame!

OP posts:

Gorionine · 16/12/2008 19:09

I was told by a chritian child that FC did not exist I do not think that the religion of the child who said it matters here, just the fact that this particular child did not believe it existed and thought it was a good idea to share the news with his/her friends!

FrannyandZooey · 16/12/2008 19:11

Well, I mean, he doesn't exist, does he
so you can't really do much about this except get over it
some parents do tell their children the truth
it's your problem not theirs I am afraid

Gorionine · 16/12/2008 19:11

Not all christians do go for the FC routine.
(sorry, posted previous post to fast)

Original poster

geisha · 16/12/2008 19:19

...not everyone who celebrates christmas is christian...but that's another story.

The issue for me isn't religion but I mention it to give the background as to the other little girls beliefs. When I eventually tell DD that FC doesn't exist, I will ask her not to broadcast the fact as it spoils it for other children who do believe (including her little sister!)I have no way of knowing how JW parents normally tackle the issue with their dc and whether they ask them to be discrete or don't feel that their dc should have to be discrete. DD is quite friendly with the little girl in question and they are liekly to go through school together so I would like to understand better to prepare myself and dd!

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 16/12/2008 19:19

yep, I do think you're being a bit unreasonable, although I can understand why you feel like that,.

I come frm a christian family and was always brought up with FC, but never believed and I can remember getting told off at school after telling some other children that he didn't exist. oops.
I was about 4 or 5 at the time

FrannyandZooey · 16/12/2008 19:21

as you say, 4 year olds not usually very shy of telling it how it is
so the alternative would be for them to lie to their child and tell them something which goes against their beliefs, to spare your feelings
are you really saying they should do that?

misdee · 16/12/2008 19:22

i was a JW when a child. i remember saying FC didnt excist to my classmates and getting told off for it . but a part of me secretly hoped he did exsist and hoped that each year he would visit our house.

i also said there wasnt a tooth fairy or an easter bunny as well.

i was about 6 or 7 when i said it though.

themulledmanneredjanitor · 16/12/2008 19:26

i don't see why this is an issue really. your da8ghter willbelieve you over someone at school.
so if she comes home and says 'oh rachel says there is no such thing as fater christmas' then you just say 'goodness what a funny thing for her to say' and you change the subject swiftly and you then carry ontalking about the big fc as normal, and leaving out carrots etc.

the at home inforcemnet of the idea is more influential than one child at school when they are four.

and i may get flamed for this but jehovah's witness religion seems to me the most spectacularly joyless of religions.

jingleallnewjinglebells · 16/12/2008 19:26

aw - I can see why you're peeved as Christmas is so magical at that age with Santa

Think others are being a bit harsh - you're not saying the other child should have lied, you're just saying you're upset that your DD now knows

misdee · 16/12/2008 19:29

its not joyless at all :@)

chaufleur · 16/12/2008 19:30

It's not the child's fault as she is a product of her upbringing just the same as your DD, ie coming from a household that does not believe just as yours is a household that does "believe". It is the same difference.

However, YANBU to be peeved, certainly not. It's your DD and 4 is such a great age, it's when most DC are really aware of Christmas and all the magic of the season.

I think it would be odd if you didn't feel a bit peeved TBH. Doesn't mean you have anything against the other family, or JW's. Just that your DD will maybe be suspicious of something that she's hardly had time to enjoy, that brings a lot of happiness to many kids. I sympathise.

themulledmanneredjanitor · 16/12/2008 19:30

it seeems that way misdee to an outsider-no christmas, no birthdays..no joining in at assembly at school. i imagine it's very isolating as a child.

Lemontart · 16/12/2008 19:31

I agree with jingleallnewjinglebells. I would be feeling a little peeved too! 4 yr olds have to grow up so fast, Christmas is a lovely time for a little magic and fantasy and a shame when others feel the need to burst that bubble in the name of "honesty".
I would sit down and enjoy Polar Express with her - that is a great way to challenge all disbelievers in a fun and gentle way.

TsarHumbug · 16/12/2008 19:31

Agree with themulledmanneredjanitor on all points.

Keep the magic going. Your dd will believe you at age 4 more than anyone else.

MerryMadMarg · 16/12/2008 19:32

Had to laugh at the fact that you actually think that you're going to tell your DD that FC doesn't exist at some point, and believe that it's going to be a revelation for her! Children will believe something until other children let them in on the truth, that's how playgrounds work!

poinsettydog · 16/12/2008 19:34

dd1, aged 5, was told by the class bammer that santa didn't exist. Didn't stop her believing.

It really doesn't matter. If you want to keep the story going, do so.

edam · 16/12/2008 19:35

Bit mean of the JW parents not to tell their children to be quiet about it.

Hope it doesn't upset your dd. FWIW, I found out when I was around your dd's age and it didn't spoil Christmas for me - I just thought it was (another) example of adults being really quite strange, bless their cotton socks. But still kind of half-believed because I wanted it to be true!

Parents who don't do FC, fair enough, their choice. But I do wish they would try not to spoil the magic for everyone else.

chaufleur · 16/12/2008 19:36

You sound a bit scornful MerryMadMarg! She's 4 though, not the same thing as if she was 7 or 8 and she's already enjoyed a good few Christmasses of the magic of FC.

Lemontart · 16/12/2008 19:36

I lived next door to a JW family and they had a little boy a year younger than my sister (3 yrs younger than me). I remember one year he came round to play at our house at Christmas time and just wanted to lie on the floor and look up at all the twinkly lights on our christmas tree in wonder. He cried and cried when his mum came home as he didn?t want to get out from under the tree. Whenever I think of JW and Christmas time, I always remember the wonder on his face and cannot help but feel a little teeny bit sorry for the other small children out there looking in other houses with lights and trees and things, not sharing the magic of Christmas or other festivals at this time of year. I am sure they are full of joy and fulfilled in other ways and try not to judge or make sweeping asumptions, however still that one memory sticks with me and I well up with pity. Shoot me down if you wish, it is an honest emotion and one I recognise is likely to be flawed and inaccurate.

Tortington · 16/12/2008 19:36

it reminded me of this teacher tells pupils santa not real

Myrrhcy · 16/12/2008 19:39

My dd worked out at around aged 4 (if not earlier) that FC does not exist but didn't tell me until she was 5½ and has agreed to continue this for ds' sake.

It has nothing to with religion in dd's case.

I think yab a bit unreasonable. It's not the child's fau;t

piscesmoon · 16/12/2008 19:39

JWs don't celebrate Christmas at all, she is only little and is repeating what she has been told. I can remember JW 8yr old twins who were not even allowed to paint a stable for a wall display. I know a couple of JWs who used to go knocking on doors on Christmas Day and took their DD with them which seemed cruel to me, it really showed what they were missing.
I would just explain to your DC that different people have different festivals and some people don't have any and that FC only goes to families that celebrate Christmas so he doesn't go to the class mate because she doesn't have Christmas Day.Go to the norad site this page
I don't think a DC that age could fail to be convinced to see FC travelling the world on Christmas Eve!

Gorionine · 16/12/2008 19:40

"Bit mean of the JW parents not to tell their children to be quiet about it"

Bit mean of you to even say that.

Original poster

geisha · 16/12/2008 19:42

FaZ - def don't think that the other little girls parents should lie to her or she should lie to DD. I do wonder whether the parents may have or ought to have explained to the other little girl that many of her friends at school do celebrate Christmas and believe in FC and that it is ok for other children to have different beliefs in a way that the little girl wouldn't feel the need to point out the fact that FC doesn't exist to other 4 year olds!

OP posts:

themulledmanneredjanitor · 16/12/2008 19:43

why? not mean at all.
if you are going to pursue a policy of vigorous truth with very small children then you SHOULD tell them to kep quiet-tell them not all mummies treat their children as responsibly as you or whatever.

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