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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be a bit peeved that DD aged 4 has been told at school that FC does not exist?

92 replies

geisha · 16/12/2008 19:04

She was told by a class mate who is a Jehovah's Witness? Whilst I undertand and respect the belief of the JW class mate, I feel a bit that she told my DD this. I don't know how JW families address the Christmas issue with their children?..... I do appreciate that even if the class mate's mum had asked her to be a bit discrete with the other children about the FC issue, the child may find this difficult as you do tend to say it as you see it at 4! I explained to DD that FC comes to all children who believe in him and celebrate Christmas but she is a bit suspicious which I think is a shame at 5! DD is very clear that the aforementioned child does not celebrate Christmas and that has been mentioned several times but the fact that FC doesn't exist? Actually I probably am BU but I think it's a shame!

OP posts:

SatsumaMoon · 16/12/2008 19:44

I had this recently with ds2 - a girl in his class (family v. practising christians fwiw) told him the SC isn't real.

I managed to brush it off but did have a word with the mum - partly because most of the other children in the class are first-borns so less likely to have been exposed to the harsh reality by older siblings! I felt the mum was a bit at me - apparently they haven't made a big deal about it either way at home. I felt, however, that whatever her own views she should have a quiet word with her dd about not spoling it for others...

Don't know if she did speak to her dd because I think the conversations are still happening and others joining in with their versions!

Myrrhcy · 16/12/2008 19:48

But what about a child who works it out by themselves without any influence from the parents or belief structure?

I had no idea dd had stopped believing. And I got the impression this was reasonably common knowledge in her reception class

Original poster

geisha · 16/12/2008 19:50

Myrrhcy - how do you think your dd worked it out though?

OP posts:

Gorionine · 16/12/2008 19:50

I am a Muslim, I do not expect people to tell my DCs that FC does not exist just to please us and I do not expect my children to say FC exist to please anyone either.

I also would like to add it does irritate me so much when people ask me "do your DCs not miss the fact they don't celebrate Christmas?" I do not even bother anymore to answer with a "Do your #children do not miss that they don't celebrate Eid?" It is really poinless.
The JW do not celebrate christmas so what? havre you ever bothered asking if they have other celebrations?

FrannyandZooey · 16/12/2008 19:52

geisha i really doubt anyone could convince a 4 year old to keep this secret all the time
i am surprised you think they could, as you have a 4 y o yourself

and it isn't about people having different beliefs really, is it? you don't believe in FC yourself
you just liked your dd believing

MerryMadMarg · 16/12/2008 19:52

Sound scornful? Didn't mean to! Just think Geisha is being a bit unrealistic to think that she will get to choose the time to tell her DD that FC doesn't exist. It is sad that it happened THIS early, though.

themulledmanneredjanitor · 16/12/2008 19:55

i am not expecting anyone to tell unbelieving children that he exists. i am expecting parents to be kind and sensoible and encourage their children not to talk about it.

i wouldn't want my 4 year old filled in on the facts of life by a child whose parents had told them either. i would expect it to be a 'this is a conversation we have at home not school'
thing.

maybe not everyone can be thoughful of other peoples feelings.

piscesmoon · 16/12/2008 19:59

Jehovah Witnesses are not allowed to celebrate Christmas. I haven't known many, but I would be surprised if they thought it important to protect another DCs belief in FC.
I think with a 4yr old it is fairly easy to say that FC only visits people who keep Christmas Day. Tell her that the class mate won't have presents from relations, special food, Christmas tree etc etc.

Original poster

geisha · 16/12/2008 19:59

Gorionine - no I haven't asked the parents of the other child about JW celebrations. I do know they don't celebrate birthdays and Christmas because these are topics that have cropped up with DD and we have dicussed this with her. FaZ - no I don't believe in FC because I am 30 years old! I did believe when I was 4 though and it was a magical and memorable part of my childhood and I would like my DD to have fond memories too. I don't think that's a terrible thing! I would like to know how JW families tackle Christmas and FC with their children though?

OP posts:

KatieDD · 16/12/2008 20:00

Once they are in the playground there is bugger all any parent can do to tell their child what to say or not say to other children. The teachers pull them up on unkind words but doubting FC's existance is not something I would accept my child being told off about.

Gorionine · 16/12/2008 20:07

Maybe you should ask them then geisha, that would be quite an easy way to get an answer. I am pretty sure that even though they do not celebrate it they would quite openly talk to you about how they tackle it with their DCs.

Gorionine · 16/12/2008 20:10

Do you explian to your DD not to tell other people that she believes inFC just in case their parents might want their 4yo NOT to believe in FC? It is exactly the same.

nkf · 16/12/2008 20:12

Children do share knowledge with each other. And sometimes children are told the truth about FC and ignore it and carry on believing. Usually, it's not parents who break the news about FC. They just get to confirm it.

FairyMum · 16/12/2008 20:13

I don't understand the obsession with their children believing in FC. I bet good money that many children don't actually believe, but pretend to to please their parents.

nkf · 16/12/2008 20:15

But are you really a fairy? That's what I want to know.

MrsHappy · 16/12/2008 20:15

It's what happens when they go to school.
I seem to recall a nasty boy (nasty for other reasons, not because of this!) in my reception class telling us all that FC did not exist.
None of us believed him. After all, we had the presents and our mothers said he did so why would we believe the nasty boy?
Of course, by a year later we had mostly figured it out.
Isn't this what generally happens?
I don't think there is any point in being peeved.

FrannyandZooey · 16/12/2008 20:16

my 5 y o knows FC is not real
I have explained to him that some parents want their children to believe and that it might be spoiling the fun for little ones to tell them
sometimes he remembers and sometimes he doesn't
he would no way have managed to remember every time when he was 4! or forego the enjoyment of telling one of his peers something 'secret'

Myrrhcy · 16/12/2008 20:16

Geisha, some children are just able to question things and reach their own conclusions.

Give them some credit fgs!

All of her friends (bar one) at that stage were the first children in the family. And I knwo she wasn't told by the dc who is the youngest

fishie · 16/12/2008 20:17

it is easy enough, just say that fc will only come to children who believe in him / want him to visit. so your child can believe and get a stocking, jw child can happily not believe and do whatever they do (what do they do? is there a feast of some sort?)

piscesmoon · 16/12/2008 20:17

You were obviously never a believer FairyMum so you will never know the absolute joy of it!

Original poster

geisha · 16/12/2008 20:18

Gorionine - I've obviously struck a raw nerve. IMO it's not the same at all. In DD's school (CofE school) a class of 20 odd 4 year olds, I think it would be fair to say the majority celebrate Christmas and believe in FC as part of that culture. I expect DD to acknowledge and respect the JW childs right to not celebrate Christmas but don't feel that it appropriate that the culture and beliefs of the majority of children in the class to be negatively challenged, it should also be respected. (Previous comments about a 4 year old saying it as they see it, acknowledged).

OP posts:

nkf · 16/12/2008 20:20

Actually, I think you are not being unreasonable to be a bit peeved. Your child might reclaim their belief in a few days.

piscesmoon · 16/12/2008 20:20

They don't have any feasts fishie, they don't do birthdays or anything celebratory. If they were sensitive to the views of others they wouldn't go cold calling on Christmas Day! Their DCs have to get used to it, there is a lot that they can't do that most DCs take for granted.

FrannyandZooey · 16/12/2008 20:22

geisha that's interesting
it is often thought that it is minority beliefs which need extra respect and protection, not the majority beliefs

Myrrhcy · 16/12/2008 20:24

Sorry but who's the child here?

Ok so dd your might be a bit suspicious - and?

Children do form their own opinions and live their own lives when they reach school age. It's called independence

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