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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious to see one of dd's teachers smoking outside the school gates in full view of school-children arriving

298 replies

pcworld · 16/12/2008 14:13

I appreciate that it is a free country and people have the right to smoke. The teacher in question is not smoking within the school grounds. However ... surely there must be somewhere else for school staff to smoke that is out of view of the children? I am very upset about this! What do others think? I'm unsure how to handle it. I would like to say something to the head - along the lines of suggesting that an appropriate place is provided for staff to smoke in. And at the same time praising the teachers, who we have been really pleased with. Any comments?

OP posts:
Ashantai · 16/12/2008 14:58

YABU really. If my kids had seen a teacher smoking, the lecture they would have given them would have made them stub it out and hang their heads in shame!

I've never smoked and neither has my OH but my sil does. My kids are forever saying

  1. Why do you smoke that when it says it will kill you?
  1. Did you smoke when you were pregnant? why? didnt you know it would harm the baby?
  1. Even if it doesnt kill you, you will get nasty diseases, why would you want to get those?

She tends to go for a fag in the guise of "just nipping to the loo" and sprints down to the garden, but they still aint fooled

If its not on the school grounds, then there isnt anything you can do anyway.

georgimama · 16/12/2008 14:59

YANBU. Smoking is vile. Children see teachers smoking, they think it is OK. How is this teacher going to have the "don't smoke" conversation with his/her pupils if they have seen them at it? No credibility.

ManIFeelLikeAWoman · 16/12/2008 15:02

I really think it's none of your business.

The reason the teacher was outside the school gates is probably precisely that he/she is not allowed to smoke on school premises - you can't have it both ways!

Also, I think we are overplaying this "influence" card. It's true that children imitate role models but, except in the most desperate inner cities, primary school aged smokers are incredibly rare. If and when your child does smoke, it will almost certainly be influenced by her role models at that time, ie people in the public eye or her secondary school peers (at that age, teachers are SERIOUSLY uncool and not to be imitated ...)

mayorquimby · 16/12/2008 15:09

"How is this teacher going to have the "don't smoke" conversation with his/her pupils if they have seen them at it? No credibility. "

how about by being honest? surely if you show the children the respect of honesty it will give your argument more credibility. when i was a teenager i'd have been much more likely to accept a lecture from someone who admitted to having smoked/done drugs/whatever before as at least you know they are talking from experience, rather than a teacher pretending they have never tried anything before before but are somehow still an authority.
i accept it's different for younger kids than teenagers but an honest response of "i wish i'd never started smoking" as most smokers seem to tell me they all wish they'd never started, or "i know it's bad for me but once you start you become addicted,that's why you should never start" would be 10 times more effective than just saying "you shouldn't smoke"

i'm a non-smoker by the way in case anyone thinks i'm sticking up for the teacher due to a shared nicotine addiction

Sycamoretree · 16/12/2008 15:10

DD (3) head teacher smokes outside the school gates, but just round the corner out of sight of pupils. It was a bit embarassing walking past him with DD in the buggy (she does nursery am) and she was all like "hey look, there's Mr x) - it made be feel vaguely uncomfortable but then, they're not allowed to do it on school grounds anymore are they, so where are they supposed to go? It might be hard to get out of sight of pupils withouth walking quite a way?

georgimama · 16/12/2008 15:23

Well that's just silly mayorquimby, to suggest to a child that once you take up a habit you are a hopeless addict and cannot stop is nonsense, and just making excuses.
I did used to smoke, for a long time. I stopped one day and never started again. It is not hard.

tiredsville · 16/12/2008 15:25

Coming from a Catholic school, we would have been so as kids seeing teachers puff away on fags.(Especially the nuns)

tiredsville · 16/12/2008 15:31

Georgimama, are you F**king serious. It's bloddy hard almost impossiable for some people to give up.
Me, well I was one of them. I tried patches, chewing gum, Alan carr book, Will power (about 100 attempts.) It was only once asthma was diagnosed did I give up and even then it was difficult.

ScottishMummy · 16/12/2008 15:31

smoking does not make one a bad teacher,conversely non-smoking does not make one great teacher either

it is only a job not a vocation to never smoke,drink alcohol,or eff and blind.hell ime the most interesting teachers were the edgy real ones not the poker arses

tiredsville · 16/12/2008 15:34

Ignore my spelling errors, can't be arsed to change them.

georgimama · 16/12/2008 15:40

Yes, I am "f**king serious". Why wouldn't I be?

Sorry if you are offended by my view, but it is not hard to give up if you really want to. You obviously didn't really want to until the asthma thing, a diagnosis of a serious condition gave you the kick up the arse you needed. For me it was wanting a baby. Some people never get enough of a kick up the arse and that is sad but entirely their own fault.

We're talking about nicotine here, not crack cocaine.

shootRudolphinthehip · 16/12/2008 15:44

YABU. I am a smoker and I am a teacher. I would NOT, however, choose to smoke in full view of my pupils. That said, it should be on the conscience of the teacher rather than up to you whether they smoke outside the school or not.

And giving up smoking has been virtually impossible for me and I wish I'd never started. MY DH gave up out of the blue but smoking never seemed to have the same hold over him as it does over me. I gave up twice for my pregnancies and several times since and despite all of my good intentions, I have restarted each time. It sucks.

ScottishMummy · 16/12/2008 15:44

nicotine hit reaches brain pleasure centre and releases endorphins quicker than heroin

i am non smoker giving up is VDifficult due to physical and psychological addiction

Tortington · 16/12/2008 15:46

bring back the birch

shootRudolphinthehip · 16/12/2008 15:47

Ahem... nicotine addiction

shootRudolphinthehip · 16/12/2008 15:50

Sorry, wrong link- will post the other one

georgimama · 16/12/2008 15:51

Presumably if you're a non smoker you've never given up, Scottishmummy. So you've no idea how hard it is or isn't.

I'm really not bothered about this tbh, smokers can trot out their research about endorphins and pleasure centres and how hard it is to give up but the truth is, having a fag gives you a momentary pleasure, the ritual of anticipating, lighting and taking first drag is more fun that the rest of the cigarette and it is not difficult to give up if you really want to.

If you don't want to give up, fine, don't - they're your lungs not mine. But don't pretend it's too hard because it isn't.

ScottishMummy · 16/12/2008 15:52

hugh swathe research asserts nicotine is more addictive than heroin

georgimama · 16/12/2008 15:53

And?

ScottishMummy · 16/12/2008 15:54

gerogiemama having experience in addictions and smoking cessation i can confidently speak about nicotine etc

tiredsville · 16/12/2008 15:55

Georgimama, sorry, but you are talking bollocks.
Having Cancer still doesn't deter some people from smoking. If that ain't a kick up the arse , well I don't know what is.
Bully for you that you found it easy, most people don't.

treedelivery · 16/12/2008 15:57

YABU as it's an entirely free country - but I'd personally have felt a bit like 'oh, look at thats' the same as most people I think, if it was right outside the school.

Guess it's only now as an adult and a mum I am finally truly realising teachers are other people who do loads of normal stuff! We all know children often believe teachers live at school and do nothing else but teach - but I rather think we go on thinking it a bit too! So, in my daft niave [sp?] way I'd hope a teacher/doctor/nurse etc to not smoke in full vision of those in their care as a way of being a positive role model. In relity they are humans who have adictions and need a fag!

georgimama · 16/12/2008 16:06

I'm not talking bollocks, I'm perfectly well aware that having cancer doesn't deter some people. What does that prove? It proves nothing. It certainly doesn't prove that giving up smoking is all that hard. It just proves that they still want to smoke. I have known plenty of people take the view that it is pointless to give up in those circumstances. Sad and stupid but true. My MIL has emphysema (sp?) and still smokes. Why? Because she wants to. Very sad to have so little self control but it is her choice.

No one is holding a gun to these people's heads saying "smoke!" It is a choice. If you want to give up that badly, try harder.

TBH I don't think anyone who hasn't given up smoking is in any position to offer smoking cessation advice.

spokette · 16/12/2008 16:07

OP, YABU. Get a life!

watsthestory · 16/12/2008 16:10

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