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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to freak out because I just found out that my (male) best friend from school regularly shagged my boyfriend at the time?

51 replies

eviz · 15/12/2008 21:53

OK this is YEARS ago, I know,

Thanks to the wonders of facebook I've just caught up with one of my best mates from school, having not spoken to him for 15 years..

I knew he came out after school but had no idea he was at the time (was always trying to set him up with friends of mine - doh)

We've just had a long catch up conversation during which he told me he and my ex used to regularly shag in their early teens (all boys prep/boarding school) finished long before me (I joined in the 6th form) but he never bloody told me..

He always hated him too, now I understand why..

Feel like a complete fecking idiot! Euukk

OP posts:
Desiderata · 15/12/2008 21:55

Yep! That's weird.

ingles2 · 15/12/2008 21:55

blimey!
That's a revelation

beanieb · 15/12/2008 21:56

Why were you catching up with him if you hated him?

MaryMotherOfCheeses · 15/12/2008 21:57

Why are you an idiot though?

sticksantaupyourchimney · 15/12/2008 21:59

It would be reasonable to be angry if they had been shagging while the boyfriend was supposedly in a monogamous relationship with you. But if it was before you and your (then) chap got together, why be upset about it? At least, why be any more upset about it than about other previous partners your then boyfriend may have had?

basementbear · 15/12/2008 21:59

Am confused, were they or weren't they shagging at the same time as you were with the boyfriend? It is a bit freaky but lots of teenagers experiment a bit don't they?

I briefly went out with a boy when we were both 15 - nothing beyond holding hands and kissing, but it was a bit weird never the less to bump into him years later at a gay club, him being in full drag and looking fantastic as Marilyn Monroe

Original poster
eviz · 15/12/2008 22:01

beanie - my (male) mate hated my ex-shag. Who was a total womaniser (and a man-iser, evidently!) always told me to steer clear of him (I didn't listen)

My mate said he never told me at the time cos I was so into him.. and it was years ago

Bloody public schools..

Yuk yuk yuk yuuuk

OP posts:
Desiderata · 15/12/2008 22:02

Why does your friend hate your ex?

Is he not gay, but felt co-erced at the time?

MaryMotherOfCheeses · 15/12/2008 22:10

Well you're not weird to be fairly surprised but the yuk reaction is unreasonable. Men have sex together sometimes. It's not necessarily unclean or sordid.

Original poster
eviz · 15/12/2008 22:18

It would have been a revelation to find out ex had experimented, but that's one thing

The fact that it was with my best mate, who I had no idea was gay - that's what's got me.
Feel a bit betrayed I guess. But hey..15 yrs is a long time - I'll get over it I'm sure!

OP posts:
Kitteh · 15/12/2008 22:44

I think i'd be upset if my boyfriend was sleeping with my best friend (male or female) if i was dating them and found out 15 year later. but if this was previous to me dating them, i dont think id freak out, or even be bothered.. i think i'd find it funny..

flaminhell · 15/12/2008 22:47

Nowt stranger than folk!

Coldtits · 15/12/2008 22:48

I found out recently that two of my ex boyfriends used to 'get into situations' in club toilets. With each other.One of them was a dirty bastard and the other was a bit of an innocent (and beauty itself), so I do wonder who the instigator of that was.

KatieDD · 15/12/2008 22:50

I think I'd want to know if a partner of mine was bisexual due to increased risk of disease for a start, apart from the fact that it might put me off the idea of shagging him just as well it's 15 years later.

poshwellies · 15/12/2008 22:58

I think I would feel odd,probably because they both had failed to tell me they had previous together ,not because of their sexuality- I would be quite intrigued at their 'relationship' though

MaryMotherOfCheeses · 15/12/2008 23:00

I don't think being bisexual brings an increased risk of disease.

KatieDD · 15/12/2008 23:04

Well not more risky than a gay man, but certainly more risky than a hetrosexual one for example.

MaryMotherOfCheeses · 15/12/2008 23:04

Why?

KatieDD · 15/12/2008 23:11

Oh google it hun, the anus is a very thin wall and more likely to be cut/damaged making transmission of HIV etc more likely via either semen or blood.

From one site :-The HIV infection rate was 2% for straight men, and 16% and 14% for gay and bisexual men.

poshwellies · 15/12/2008 23:12

I wouldn't presume bisexual ecounters anymore more risky than hetrosexual ones,infact I would think their age (17/18?)would be more at risk than anything else.

MaryMotherOfCheeses · 15/12/2008 23:13

Hun?

poshwellies · 15/12/2008 23:14

at marymother

Hun..

KatieDD · 15/12/2008 23:14

It's a term of endearment short for hunni

MaryMotherOfCheeses · 15/12/2008 23:26

Yes I know what it means, thanks hun.

It's the assumption that if someone's had a bisexual encounter they must be somehow dirty which I particularly about.

Chlamydia anyone?

Google it. "Sexually active women aged under 25 have a one in 10 chance of getting chlamydia"

I'm not saying the OP needs to worry about that.

Kitteh · 15/12/2008 23:30

Well, ive slept with men who have had slept with other men, it doesnt bother me in the slightest, and i dont have HIV either,