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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

'A difficult one' revised.

59 replies

NoGoodAtCleaning · 15/12/2008 08:52

What do you think of this compromise?

Do our xmas presents from Santa. Let my mum give them from Santa (all the other kids in our family will wonder why she's bought presents for just DS if we change it) but she can give him one from her (if she'll agree). DP's family can give them from themselves but we'd rather they don't go overboard.

Xmas morning my family are coming over first to see DS, then DP's family can come over (they have to compromise a little, too). Bacon rolls all round.

Then we'll hit MIL's before the pub to see their presents (or we'll pop to the pub for an hour early on before everyone gets drunk) to see all DP's family.

Then we'll got to my mum's for the afternoon (with all my family).

Finally we'll pop in on MIL and DP's auntie before we set off back home.

We get to spend xmas night in our house, watching the plasma telly and Sky Plus that we got each other for xmas.

So happy all round...

What do you think? Can I suggest this to both families without getting my head bitten off?

OP posts:

TLESinChristmasStockings · 15/12/2008 09:00

can't see why not!

thefortbuilder · 15/12/2008 09:03

I only skimmed the previous thread but it all seems a bit contrived to me. DS is only 8 months (my ds2 is very slightly older) and he is not going to give two hoots who the presents are from.

also i don't really understand why your family are coming over in the morning to see ds when you are going to them in the afternoon? if you want christmas morning at your house wouldn't it just be nicer to have some family time just you dp and ds?

and why are you going to MIL's twice in the one day?

I'm sure everyone will be happy to compromise but it just seems to me that you are going to be doing an awful lot of going out and about rather than relaxing and celebrating the time with your close family.

sorry if i've got it all wrong though, I should probably have read the whole of the other thread first

AndaPartridgeOnADustyTv · 15/12/2008 09:03

That sound like a good compromise.
Hope you have a nice time.

ThePregnantMerryYuleWitch · 15/12/2008 09:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

SleighGirl · 15/12/2008 09:15

I have just gone and read your other op as well.

I think it is 100% correct that your ds knows who his gifts are from, not relevant now but it is when he is older - people do deserve a thank you!

I would suggest that you pay for a taxi to collect MIL and bring her to you in the morning, drop her back at the pub on your way to your parents and see everyone for half an hour.

Have christmas morning you, your dp & ds with MIL allowed to come if she's prepared to come by taxi because you are spending the rest of the day with your family.

Your suggestion of lots of trips is just too much and a disaster, things will over run etc.

End of.

Lemontart · 15/12/2008 09:16

I know you are desperately trying to compromise but it sounds like a circus to me.
Who is this really for? If you were able to ask your 8 mo I bet he would not want to be pushed in and out of a car seat all day, routines no doubt unsettled and possibly not fitting well round usual sleep patterns.
Just don?t see why they have to see him in the morning. Yes, they want to see him and give him a gift - I get that. However, why oh why can they not all wait until the afternoon, or better still, Boxing Day?

bigbaubleeyes · 15/12/2008 09:18

That seems a bit much you'll send more time in transit than anywhere - is this fair on DS?

Wht cant you all take turns in who plays host each year. You can visit/have visitors on boxing day.

I know everyones different but all this running about seems hideous - you'll be too knackered to watch your tv by the time you get home.

You trying to please too many people - think about yourself and your family

MrsHappy · 15/12/2008 09:19

I agree with Sleighgirl.

You should be where you want to be on christmas. Invite the MIL, make it easy for her to come (without messing up your day) and leave it at that.

Don't do too much running about if you can help it and don't try to control who gives what to your child and what they write on the gift tags. Just be glad that they care enough to think of your child at all.

ilove · 15/12/2008 09:22

When we had children we decided that Christmas Day they stay in their own home and play with their presents. As children WE were made to go bisit all and sundry and all we wanted to do was play with our stuff.

If people want to come to us they are more than welcome. however it has settled that Christmas Day we stay home, sometimes the inlaws spend christmas with us, then Boxing Day we go to my mums and have a second Christmas Day...but with a buffet...and the children all get presents from my side of the family then. Works perfectly.

theSuburbanDryad · 15/12/2008 09:25

I'm with lemontart. Can't you just have Xmas morning on your own with ds then pop to the pub for an hour with ds on the way to your parents' house?

My ds was nearly 1 at his first Xmas and was so utterly exhausted by the end of it he was actually running a temperature on Boxing day - and we just went to my Mum & Dad's for lunch! Babies don't care about Christmas - they just like the shiny lights and the wrapping paper!

Original poster

NoGoodAtCleaning · 15/12/2008 09:26

I think it's best if we just stick to the original, and stay at home, but just go to my mums for the afternoon.

OP posts:

wannaBe · 15/12/2008 09:27

All this running about sounds hideous.

And what's this talk about santa/ILs etc - am I right in thinking your ds is only 8 mo and isn't going to know anyway? Can someone link to the other thread?

theSuburbanDryad · 15/12/2008 09:29

Actually, waiting till Boxing Day might be a better idea.

Listen to lemontart - she often usually talks sense!

Just chill - it doesn't matter. Really. Any of it. (Although I think the ribbing you got on the other thread was slightly harsh.)

Fleurlechaunte · 15/12/2008 09:33

You sound like you are trying hard to compromise. Don't try to hard because in the end you will get walked over. As for the pub I don't understand why ANYONE would want an 8 month old in a pub on Christmas Day and I know it is not you OP but your in laws. Tbh I would stick to your guns on that one.

If you have to see both families on Christmas Day then one visit to each will suffice, why can't they make a bit of effort to. One visit to inlaws - NO PUB!, one visit to your family for dinner and then back home for your own christmas. That is much more compromise than I would be able to give, we see family on boxing day and in the week leading up to New Year but you sound very nice and wanting to do the right thing.

Original poster

NoGoodAtCleaning · 15/12/2008 09:49

Fleur- you speak a lot of sense. We really don't want DS in the pub at all. It is not a nice little family pub, it is a doss hole in the centre of town. Plus I teach some of the bar maids there (adult education), so it's pretty much work for me!

Everyone wants to see DS on the morning. My mum is happy to come to us but MIL thinks we should go to her. If they both come over, I can deal with that, but not scooting around everywhere in the morning, I want to be at home with the baby until 2ish (when we got to mums). We get up at 7 on Christmas day. My family are coming round at 9.30, and DP's family are coming round at 10.30. So we've managed to stagger it a bit- less hassel. Plus MIL doesn't like my family as she thinks we're snooty.

Everyone seems to have these huge expectations on xmas day. Both families.

I don't mind popping in on MIL and DP's aunt on the way home at about 6pm (they live next door to each other, so only one trip), but I want to be home early so we can chill out and relax, and spend time as a family before DS's bed time at 8.

I can let go of the santa sending everything thing- as I said on the other thread. I did think it was just a case of MIL being mean to DS and not letting him think it was santa simply because she wants attention (she is a SERIOUS attention seeker- which is how I came to this conclusion). I now know that other's don't do it the same way as my family, so I can change.

I just want it to be a lovely Christmas.

OP posts:

Tortington · 15/12/2008 09:52

i think you fuck DPs amily off and never see them again, they sound that feckless tossers who i wouldnt want my child around anyway.

bellabelly · 15/12/2008 09:53

I read some of the other thread and agree that you were getting an undeserved amount of flak. It's YOUR xmas, do what you think is right for you and your immediate family. Remember also that you are setting a precedent and maybe an expectation about how things will go at xmas time - do you really want family to assume you will run round visiting / going to pub etc for the next 16 or so years? If I were you, I'd be totally selfish and stay at home - let people come to you or not - as they choose!

Tortington · 15/12/2008 09:54

and if they want to see your kid - surely they make the effort ffs.

start as you mean to go on - becuase i shoit you not - if you start being a spineless wimp when he is 2 you have no chance when he gets older.

you have your family unit - that is your family - fuck the rest.

Fleurlechaunte · 15/12/2008 09:56

Don't forget it it is your Christmas too and your FIRST one with your DS. Whatever you do NO PUB. Or it will be a precendent and you will be expected to go every year.

It will be a lovely Christmas if you take a bit of control. I used to try hard to please everyone when I first got married, it doesn't work, you just end up being trampled on. Yes a little compromise but not so much that you, your dh and ds don't end up having the christmas that you want.

I agree with what Custardo said on your other thread about jostling for position in the pack. Take charge of your own family now and save a lot of heartache .

Fleurlechaunte · 15/12/2008 09:58

Also agree with what Custardo said on this thread. Hadnt read it when I posted.

starbear · 15/12/2008 10:03

Oh go away next Christmas. This all sounds like a black comedy that I would love to watch Christmas evening with my Irish coffee and the men snoring in the background and the kids a sleep.

kslatts · 15/12/2008 10:09

That seems like a good compromise.

HarktheheraldAnglepoise · 15/12/2008 10:09

It does sound like a reasonable compromise (which is what you asked) but also an awful lot of faffing around (which is what we are answering ).

leoleomakingalist · 15/12/2008 10:13

Why don't you miss the morning visit - as your dc gets older he will want to stay at home playing with his new presents? I think you were right when you said you wanted to start as you mean to go on so do you really want to go to the pub with them every Christmas morning?
The visit after dinner is enough imo and possibly whatever you do wont be enough so why bother..As long as you are fair and you and your dp and dc are happy that is what counts.
Have a great Christmas.

leoleomakingalist · 15/12/2008 10:16

I think that if it was tat important to your mil she would visit you without making it into a big issue.

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