'A difficult one' revised.

[NoGoodAtCleaning]

What do you think of this compromise?

Do our xmas presents from Santa. Let my mum give them from Santa (all the other kids in our family will wonder why she's bought presents for just DS if we change it) but she can give him one from her (if she'll agree). DP's family can give them from themselves but we'd rather they don't go overboard.

Xmas morning my family are coming over first to see DS, then DP's family can come over (they have to compromise a little, too). Bacon rolls all round.

Then we'll hit MIL's before the pub to see their presents (or we'll pop to the pub for an hour early on before everyone gets drunk) to see all DP's family.

Then we'll got to my mum's for the afternoon (with all my family).

Finally we'll pop in on MIL and DP's auntie before we set off back home.

We get to spend xmas night in our house, watching the plasma telly and Sky Plus that we got each other for xmas.

So happy all round...

What do you think? Can I suggest this to both families without getting my head bitten off?

I do think it is important to remember that one day your children will start their own families, and I would suspect that most of us would be absolutely gutted if our future DILs and SILs suddenly decided that our family units were of no importance, as some people appear to be suggesting. Families are important, and include more people than our partner and progeny.

Nogood, are your family all very close? I would drop one of the visits to MIL, probably the final one, and see your DP's auntie for a proper visit on Boxing Day. That way both families can visit you (although I don't really understand why your family need to visit when you are spending all afternoon with them) and they are both visited too.

snippy, nooka - I wasn't suggesting she should think the wider family units were of no importance; OP's ILs seem to think that her family unit is of less import than their pub visit, so the OP should prioritise family over pub.

Sorry, not directed at you in person, just the general trend of many comments here. Seemed a bit all about me me. I think Christmas is (or should be) a time of giving, and wanting to be with family, but maybe I've just got a nice family. I would ideally like my children to spend Christmas with their wider families (probably alternating) as we have with ours, because all my best memories of Christmas are about uncles and aunts, cousins and grandparents as well as my parents and brothers and sisters (who after all I did see every day).

Maybe I am reading posts differently or missed a few relevant ones out.. nooka, I think a lot of people are commenting on the impact for the child rather than not giving a stuff for the wider family. Most people are looking at ways for all the family to meet up, just not in such a complicated "in and out of the car seat all day" type event. Rather than being selfish, surely this is just common sense to spread out the visits and spend quality time with people rather than rush, rush, rush, quick obligatory cuppa here, quick dive into the pub here - hardly a great way for an 8 month old to spend the day. Some of my best memories involve relatives too, but not in a rushing around trying to please everyone.

Jooly- My DP wants both families to call in and see DS in the morning as they wish, but he just wants us to chill, get ready slowly, and then go to my mums for lunch and stay there until night, then come home, play with the baby, put him down and watch dvds and sky and have chocolate. His family disappoint him no end and whilst he's learnt to accept that, I still try to please them IYSWIM.

It's first xmas without my nana as she passed away this year, so I want to keep mum busy as she's distraught so she wants a full day, and to focus on her GC and family.

Going to copy divine untervention on the presents front, I think. Sounds good to me!!

By the way, thank you to everyone for the replies, it's very much appreciated. I don't think my xmas would have been very good if I hadn't come on her to get other points of view.

xxx xxx

Good luck. I think you've come to a comfortable conclusion. It now sounds so much better.

do they both want to come round in the morning because you are insisting that that is when ds opens all his presents?
otherwise i don't get it

that sounds much better and about the level of compromise we have in our family - have a great day and dont get stressed!