Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to take the mick out of male colleagues who bring in shared food that their WIVES have made

719 replies

morningpaper · 14/12/2008 22:34

this makes me both scornful and slightly depressed and I resort to extreme sarcasm

Only last week I was nibbling lemon cake from a colleagues WIFE.

What IS that ABOUT?

AIBU?

OP posts:
Habbibu · 15/12/2008 23:02

Pendulum "I would rather eat an inferior M&S specimen" - to me, that's bonkers. It's like cutting off your nose to spite your face. "I couldn't possibly eat this spectacular fresh thing because it's reminiscent of home and domesticity".

WewishyouaBUMPERLICIOUS · 15/12/2008 23:19

Weird thread.

I would happily bake for DH and his colleagues whether I'm working on not. I like to bake but can't eat all the goodies, plus people then think nice things about DH and me! I don't know about you but cakes in my work place are a very social thing. The tradition is on your birthday or special occasion to bring in cakes (homemade or otherwise) and send an email out to everyone. Means people come over and be sociable rather than hunched over their computers.

MrKipling · 16/12/2008 00:20

All your cakes are shite.

And I'll thank you lot to leave my wife Anna alone.

GoodWilfToAllMN · 16/12/2008 00:30

arf

GoodWilfToAllMN · 16/12/2008 00:31

arf

S1ur · 16/12/2008 00:38

Wilfy, mate you good? am having rare moment on MN and want to catch up. but have only about 3 mins.

QUick spill everything you know about everything and you in 23 words or less.

dizzyjingles · 16/12/2008 00:49

pmsl @ Mr Kipling

Pendulum · 16/12/2008 12:59

Habbibu,
Yes have just asked DH and he agrees with you. He'll eat cake out of anyone's Tupperware.

I can't really identify the source of my reticence, but it is quite entrenched.

SixSpotBurnet · 16/12/2008 13:07

I'm with MP on this one.

TheGarishlyTwinkleyMadHouse · 16/12/2008 13:11

I sent DH in with 24 home made mince pies today - yes completly home made including the mincemeat.

It doesnt affect his professional persona in anyway. He didnt ask for them, but me and my boys were baking yesterday (mainly cakes for the toddler christmas party) and made mince pies too.

I would rather do that than him go and buy some.

I dont think that there is any one-upmanship going on, there is no ulteria motive.

Pendulum · 16/12/2008 13:14

I think there are degrees of cake-offering. The approach that makes me really twitchy is the,

"I have such a COMPULSION TO BAKE, I just can't help it, but I couldn't possibly eat more than a crumb myself so I'll just donate it to the strong, hard-working men instead"

There. Yes, that's it.

SixSpotBurnet · 16/12/2008 13:18

It just makes me think of my mum, having to bake dozens of mincepies for my dad's work colleagues on top of all the other stuff she did way into the evening while he sat and read the paper or snored in front of the TV.

Habbibu · 16/12/2008 13:33

""I have such a COMPULSION TO BAKE, I just can't help it, but I couldn't possibly eat more than a crumb myself so I'll just donate it to the strong, hard-working men instead"

There. Yes, that's it. "

Well, that's obviously stupid, but what's irritating me is that the assumption of all those agreeing with the OP initially is that that's the default position of the women in question. the practicalities of how much cake one might want to eat are different. As i said earlier, there are 2 of us plus one toddler - half a cake is really enough for us - any more and we're just eating it because it's there and we don't want to waste it, rather than because we really feel like cake. Besides, half of dh's colleagues and students are women. I'm assuming they eat the leftover cake too.

Sixspot, no, absolutely, your mum shouldn't have to have made mince pies for your dad, but if your dad had, say, been doing the ironing or hoovering the stairs while your mum happily pottered round the kitchen baking, do you think your perspective might be different?

This is what's irritated me about the argument mp put forward - that women who give cakes to their partner to share are somehow, knowingly or not, downtrodden, have food issues and stuck in gender stereotypes.

I'd love it if our default position about women we don't know is that they were equal partners with their partners, independent and capable of making their own decisions. Yes, some won't fit that model, but does that have to be the first assumption about all?

SixSpotBurnet · 16/12/2008 13:35

LOL - it would have given me a different perspective if he'd made them himself!

Habbibu · 16/12/2008 13:37

Well, yes, obviously it would, but let's say for the sake of argument that he was crap at cooking but good at ironing, and vice versa for your mum. Wouldn't it just have been a sensible division of labour?

SixSpotBurnet · 16/12/2008 13:42

To me it still doesn't quite address the issue, actually. But yes, it would have been a big help to my mum, I'll grant you that!

Habbibu · 16/12/2008 13:44

Should we never do things for our partners even if we're better at it, then? Or does it just refer to traditional gendered roles?

My DH is very tall, and when I can't be arsed getting the steps out to get something out of a high cupboard, I call him to do it. Am I sexist/heightist/just a lazy arse?

SixSpotBurnet · 16/12/2008 13:47

None of those things - obviously you have a good, mutually-supportive relationship with your partner!

bozza · 16/12/2008 13:51

Well I have just enjoyed a rather excellent and very brandy laden piece of Christmas cake made by my male colleague - who is single and lives with his retired Mum. The other half of the cake went into her former colleagues. So that rather stuffs up any stereotypes.

Swedes · 16/12/2008 15:58

Haven't read whole thread so sorry if I'm repeating. There is something a bit creepy about the presence of the partner (or wife or husband) in the workplace. It's nothing to do with baking actually - it's to do with claiming territory. The cake says 'I'm here'.

Swedes · 16/12/2008 15:59

Bozza - Did he have a sex change half way through his second slice?

Lio · 16/12/2008 16:02

My (male) colleague's girlfriend has made some delicious Christmas biscuits. She likes us, so she gave him some to share at work. It is nice of her. They were wonderful biscuits. I said thank you.

LiffeyCanSpellGeansaiNollaig · 16/12/2008 16:07

Swedes, you're right. It's like the human, floral version of urinating around husband's desk!!!

Swedes · 16/12/2008 16:11

I'm all for being hospitable. But it really isn't your place to be hospitable in someone else's work place. If you send in cake for your partner's/spouse's colleagues, why? Why are you so keen to engratiate yourself/your partner? It shows a lack of faith in his ability to be a good colleague.

Swedes · 16/12/2008 16:13

Liffey