to take the mick out of male colleagues who bring in shared food that their WIVES have made

[morningpaper]

this makes me both scornful and slightly depressed and I resort to extreme sarcasm

Only last week I was nibbling lemon cake from a colleagues WIFE.

What IS that ABOUT?

AIBU?

"If I'd discovered that I could finally do DIY I'd be hammering away at everything within reach though I don't know what I'd do with a dozen bird houses." Oh, me too. I would love to be a carpenter - keep looking for good courses, but none have yet fit the bill...

is this an analysing thread? Are the mn top analysers on here?

Call them all in. Bring on teh big guns.

I think that baking also fulfils an urge to be creative - certainly in me it does - the aesthetic pleasure in baking has been underestimated on this thread. I can't paint, can't build beautiful furniture or write poetry, but I can bake things that look, smell and taste beautiful. That is, I think, why I'm able to give cakes away without feeling much desire to eat them, rather than "having to restrain myself" - the creative urge has been satisfied in the process of baking.

Who're you looking for, pointy? Onebat? PW?

Oh no to only cakes baked by men.

Clearly we need, instead, a Reclaim the Cake campaign: baking is allowed for the sisterhood, but only if you make an intricate sugarcraft model of Emmeline Pankhurst to stand atop it. With a purple, white and green ribbon trim.

We should be unashamed of the oppressive language used by our brothers to demean us. Let's rise up and cherish our inner Cupcake, join with our Gay Baking Brothers and together build the Croque em Bouche of freedom.

erm, I'm not sure. onebat, yes.

I think this is too low brow for pw . Where is wonk these days?

Same as Habbibu. But then I know it fills the same need for dh- who is also pretty useless at traditional male skills. We just happen to have the same skills. A bit of a waste, but there you go. Should he also do models of Emily Pankhurst on his cakes, or what should he do?

I was about to ask, pointy - haven't seen her for a while.

Wilf, I'm screwed. I can barely ice a cupcake...

oh dear - i now have a dilemma. Baked a cake yesterday - half was consumed but half lingers in the cake tin. I'm 7 weeks pregnant and feel sick at the thought of it - so if i send it into dh's office tomorrow will they all think the boss's wife is being patronising.

Think i'll risk it

I am inclined to agree with Anna on this one

I love baking and adore cake but I would find it slightly odd if my colleagues brought batches of home-mde cakes in.

There is something about the homeliness and domesticity of the tupperware and the kitchen paper that feels all wrong at work. I would rather eat an inferior M&S specimen and save the home-made stuff for, well, home.

I also find rather amusing my colleague who brings in each a day a dressed salad plus little plastic boxes of CHOPPED UP (WHY?) apples and grapes and all packed for hm by his (FT working) wife, because he says he is too disorganised to eat otherwise. I'm all for doing nice things for each other, but this strikes me as a little infantile.

There's no reason why anyone should refrain from doing something they enjoy, whether it's baking or building birdhouses. You don't have to justify baking cakes if you like to bake cakes. Where the problem arises (and there have been touches of it on this thread) is in the assumption that if a woman refuses to bake cakes then she doesn't love her partner (if she has one) and is a selfish bitch. Baking is not something that you are automatically good at because you have a fanjo.

DH loves it when I get carried away and bake and tell him he can take it in.

He feels all Manly like he has a 50s housewife and not me

One of my DH's colleagues is always making me and DD nice little crafty things and sending beautifully wrapped cakes and stuff that she's made. She once sent me some amazingly arranged flowers she'd cut from her garden. She is a very nurturing, maternal type who doesn't have any children and loves making things and is exceptionally creative. I think everyone that receives her gifts are very grateful. I love that she thinks of me. I think it shows a very generous spirit. I don't think she's down trodden I think she just loves caring for people and I for one am very grateful for it.

gingerninja, it just shows what a warped excuse for a human I am that I would just see that as, er, criticism

I sometimes make DP a cake to take home with him - am trying to wow him with my homely skills (well not really, I guess I like making cakes occasionally!) & he sometimes takes them into work - mainly because that's where he is for most of the day & he can then eat it when he feels like it.

However he has shared them with his colleagues (I suppose it would be rude not to if you had a whole cake there) & one time he said that one guy who's girlfriend didn't cook at all was quite impressed with it.

I'm not sure a cake on demand would work though.... probably tell him to go to the supermarket!!

I baked a fine cake once for friends coming over and my friend's dh said 'oh, wifey, why don't you ever bake like this?'. Wife bristled and I verily puffed with pride.

But I knew thtere was something wrong with that.

It was like a mini battle of feminine charms. All a-tinkling.

How would you take that as criticism GoodWilf? Of a lack of wifely / womanly skills? I'm entirely comfortable with her superior skills in all things creative and my complete lack of imagination or indeed time and energy. If she felt the need to come around and clean my house or suggest we went out shopping then yes, I'd feel criticised but I know my limitations and creativity is one of them!!

I love baking but one the rare occasions I get time to bake I very rarely want to eat more than a tiny slice - I love cake but I'm a bit sick of the sight and smell once I've finished making it! DH often gets sent in with some to share on night shifts

I'm with ginger - why on earth would someone doing something nice be a criticism of you, Wilf?

"'oh, wifey, why don't you ever bake like this?'.

Well, yes, that's just shit, pointy, and no sticksanta, no-one should have to bake, or cook, or clean, or mend cars or put up shelves, I agree. I didn't really see that on this thread particularly, but I guess there are women like that, and they need a slap, frankly...

Oh you know. My own pathetic inadequacies I guess. Don't you think she might, just a teeny tiny bit, be showing off?

But I already said: I am warped, mean and horrid. And you guys are just nice. I wish I was on that side of the fence but I think I joined the Dark Side very young.

Well... I do like it when people like my cakes, and I guess there's a showing off there - BUT, I really don't see why that should make the recipient feel bad - I lack talent in so many areas it's not true, but that doesn't bother me. Why should it? It's a bit like saying that Rebecca Adlington swims fast just to piss you off?

If you're good at something the decent thing is to share it, and make people happy with it. My friend is an extraordinarily brilliant portrait painter, whose paintings I couldn't afford at all now. She gave me a painting for my birthday a few years ago and I love it. Was she showing off? Hardly - cheapskate handmade present, in fact. I should sulk until she gets me something from M&S...

Wow!
when I clicked I thought my reply would be simple - I didn't realise it was opening a debate about feminism and inappropriate behaviour at work
it is just a cake!
I make cakes and mince pies etc for DH to take to work, no different imo to him buying doughnuts at tesco's at lunchtime to share.

I like making them, I like DH havign a homemade snack - I have no worries on the appropriateness of the gesture.

Funny thing is, Wilf, you come on here with erudite and cogent arguments that stop me in my tracks, but I realise that that's one of the things you're very good at.

So I don't feel inadequate - I feel that I have poorer knowledge and arguing skills than you in many instances, but not belittled or criticised as a person, and yet argument and intellectual capacity is surely far more potent a weapon than elegantly crafted flowers or a muffin?