I have reported neighbours to Social Services. I feel weird

[changingid]

I rang SS this morning to report my concerns about a local family. I know they are struggling but they won't accept help when it is offerred and they are isolating themselves. there are 4 children under 7, the mother leaves the younger 2 alone and I wasn't comfortable with that.

I feel terrible now. Catch 22 really, Damned if you do and damned if you don't IYKWIM. I feel a coward for not asking the family directly if they need a hand.

Fossa...Creepy in the light of another neighbour's concerns

Kids in parent's rooms is natural. As I've said it's a total over reaction as I'm feeling/thinking the worst

TBH I can't help but think it is better to report and be wrong than stay quiet and it end badly.

I agree, they must be hundreds/thousands of children hoping and praying a neighbour, teacher etc, will one day save them
Even if you are wrong you did the right thing, as far as I 'm concerned, if there are suspicions, then there is a reason to report.

I still dont get what you reported them for.
How do you know the mother leaves the children alone and goes to work for the night? Maybe the father looks after the children when the mum is doing night shifts?

Why does it bother you that "you heard the oldest daughter" leave the parents bedroom when the father was in there? What are you insinuating?

WHY THE SPANISH INQUISITION FOR THE OP? She is reporting a family to SS so that the professionals can investigate. She is not organising a group of vigilante neighbours with pitchforks to set fire to their front door FFS.

If some feels that something is not right then it is their moral obligation and their duty to do something about it, not sit on their hands for 10 years waiting for something dreadful to happen because they might be mistaken. Of course the OP might be mistaken. She might even be judgemental or downright busy bodying. But it is a lot less likely that a child will be harmed by a SS investigation with no foundation, than no SS investigation.

Yes, children do hope and pray that someone will save them.

TheProv, I could not have put that better myself[smile)

very true

i wish someone had busybodied into my life

mind you the sw was crap anyway

changingid - I don't have much to do with my immediate neighbors (very small, dense estate) either. Am I a candidate? Now, the other things are cause for concern but just because people don't have anything to do with the neighbors doesn't mean anything.

Oh I agree with reporting neighbours to ss if necessary. I have done so myself.
The mother left her 10 year old son home alone when she took her 12 year old daughter out drinking in pubs. When the kids were younger, she would leave them both alone while she was out. Many a cold winter night did I see them frozen by the front gate, barefeet in their pjs past midnight, crying for "muuuuumieeee, come home, muuummiiiiieee". Heartbreaking stuff.

As I say, the thing that creeped me out is definatley an over reaction and I did not mention that to SS.

In the light of my concerns over a period of time I felt the need to raise these with SS. Ds's head said it's what she would suggest, my employers advocate it and in the light of recent events it's better to be over protective than sorry.

Of course it is, and I am glad you did report them, I just did not get that part of the daughter in the parents bedroom.

And considering my upbring with a toxic parent I know exactly how a controlling parent can isolate a child/family. It's not simply not being neighbourly, it's more insidious than that. I can see that happening as it happened to me and DB We so needed someone to let us know things were there for us, hoping and praying that someone would notice.

When you stick your head above the parapet, you're gonna get flamed I suppose.

I still think if you have done it, you cannot now undo it since the SS have now been alerted to this family, so try to find some peace with it.

I don't really understand what you mean with a controlling dp isolating their family in an insidious manner. It just isn't something I know of from experience.

Do you think the unease you are feeling is something to do with your own childhood experience coming to the forefront so to speak rather than that you feel you have made a mistake?

I am amazed at the number of pasts castigating the OP for contacting social services to report a family she has concerns about.

The OP is there and witnessing things - nobody here. If the OP feels uneasy and feels it needs investigating then she has done the right thing morally and socially. Safeguarding children is everyone's responsibility - too many people give the benefit of the doubt "how do you know she's leaving the child alone" etc. The OP may NOT know for definite but suspects this - therefore it needs investigating because IF this is occuring the child could potentially be at risk.

The OP says she reported to SS but feels weird about it - there's nothing wrong with worrying about an action. Hopefully (for this child) the concerns will be unfounded but while the concerns are there they need looking into.

changingid
Imagine how you'd have felt if you HADN'T have reported your concerns, and then one of the kids had fallen down the stairs/ electrocuted themselves/ burnt themselves/been abducted by a stranger/ fallen through a window and so on and so on - whilst the parent/s were out.

If SS don't find anything then fine, but the parent/s will have had a wake up call about their behaviour, and hopefully improve - which will benefit the children.

If they do find something, then fine too, because the children will hopefully benefit from the intervention and some positive action be taken.

Don't worry!

I often have my sons social workers round here to see us, people have said oooh they are there a lot... thats becuase i ask them to come and see us, one of them has been involved with my son since he was 2 he's 12 now. He has special needs. I would rather welcome them in than not and have them banging on the door.

Cheers Critter, you've summed up my reasoning very well.

Yes, fear of doing something which MAY be completely unnecessary shouldn't be our biggest fear.

If you're worried then you've done the right thing. I can't believe people are so up in arms about reporting a family you're concerned about. SS aren't going to go marching in there and drag the children away for no good reason. They're going to go in and check if everything is ok or not. If anything happens thereafter it's because it needs to for the sake of the children, not because you're a bad person to have reported them!

You only have to look at the BabyP case to know that abusive and neglectful parents can be very good at hiding what is going on. If people wait for cast iron proof of wrongdoing before reporting it then it's really going to be too late for many, many children.

Its so difficult to know what to do. But a male friend of mine has 4 boys and his wife buggered off. He is a lovely chap but you can imagine, life was rather chaotic! But he was coping. However a neighbour just saw the chaos and noise and called SS. Not once did she ask him how he was.

SS were not supportive apparently. He said they were interfering and a nightmare for a year, until he could tick all their boxes that the kids were OK. They added to the stress in his life, they did not remove it as you would hope. It sounded horrible and I would have to be 100% sure before I set the SS onto anyone!

I am not going to say if you were right or wrong changeid, but I am jolly glad you are not my neighbour, as our house is a bit similar to what lil describes.