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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fed up with parents ruining school shows by taking pictures all the way through.

28 replies

Spidermama · 11/12/2008 13:25

I sit there fuming at what should be a lovely occasion. I have three nativity shows to go to this year and I'm dreading the usual scenario of lots of parents holding there noisy, bleepy, flickering digital cameras up in the air clicking and flashing.

Would you do it in a proper theatre? NO.

It's high time people learned to enjoy the special atmosphere of live events without feeling the need to capture and own parts of them.

OP posts:
popperdoodles · 11/12/2008 13:28

At our school, parents are only allowed to take photos at the end. They get the children to pose a bit and it works really well. Parents chatting all the way through annoys me.

Original poster
Spidermama · 11/12/2008 13:29

Yes, chatting and fiddling with their bags. Very annoying.

OP posts:
Blu · 11/12/2008 13:30

I agree, Spidey. It's pathetic...no-one is actually experienceing the live event, thay are all walking backwards peering through a lens, blocking others' views....

OrmIrian · 11/12/2008 13:30

No you're not. But don't you sort of feel obliged to try yourself. I used to feel that I was missing an oportunity if I wasn't snapping away at every faint glimpse of my DCs. I realised I was missing the whole thing. Sometimes they ask parents not to until the end, sometimes they don't. Prefer it when they do.

loobeylou · 11/12/2008 13:30

erm, not everyone can enjoy the live event tho,spider, so some families want action shots for absent parents/grandparents (our school limits us to 2 seats per child!)

wideratthehips · 11/12/2008 13:32

blimey...glad you weren't sat next to me yesterday, i blubbed and sniffled all the way through my ds nativity yesterday (however i am very hormonal at the moment and have a bit of a pfb thing going on) probably pissed loads of people off

popperdoodles · 11/12/2008 13:33

Dh always bugs me to bring camcorder and record it. I am reluctant though because i actually want to watch it properly, in real life, not on an LCD screen. I usually convieniently forget to charge the blooming thing.

Poppycake · 11/12/2008 13:41

at my dd's school we had to consent (or not) to photos being taken of the children for various purposes, and the school asked parents not to take photos so as not to go against the wishes of the parents who had not given consent.

Mind you, this consent thing can go a bit far - there was a letter home asking was dd allowed to have jam sandwiches at the teddy bears' picnic they were organising. She has school dinners

Lowfat · 11/12/2008 13:43

Actually my DD asked me to take the the camera as we forgot once and DH just had his phone to take a couple afterwards, unlike many other parents.

Also, as pointed out by Loobeylu DH and rest of family could'nt make it due to work etc so it is nice to have something to show them.

Teachers encourage it and headmistress even said afterwards that she still take pictures of her children at such events even though they are now 16+.

And with digital cameras now having the big screen to view the picture I am not missing anything.

All parents were very courteous and stand well out of the way, and the children loved posing. I dont think it detracted at all.

But I understand where you are coming from and FWIW it would have been worse at ours but for the fact that 50% of children and parents were out due to illness.

loobeylou · 11/12/2008 13:44

poppycake, why odd about the jam sandwiches thing? many kids have allergies/reactions to additives etc, and many parents are just fussy about what kids can/can't have!

loobeylou · 11/12/2008 13:47

TBH what annoys me more is the ones with rowdy toddlers who won't a) use the creche or b) take them out, they ruin it for the kids who have worked so hard. selfish beyond belief

Poppycake · 11/12/2008 13:53

because they get all sorts at school dinners? I don't mean the liquorice variety tho! It struck me as odd - not like they were peanut butter (no nuts on school premises, so they've got that covered). I wasn't sure what awful thing a jam sandwich can do, but I await the Awful Truth!!

Re the toddlers, they sensibly had a with/without children morning/evening choice. I went to the with, because I kinda think that it all goes together, and my dd loved the fact that her little sister had come to see. But if I hadn't felt that way, I would have gone to the grown up event.

loobeylou · 11/12/2008 13:58

poppycake-
the KITCHEN will have a list of who is/is not allowed what, the TEACHER & TA on the day need a quick reference list of who can/can't eat what - also gives time to get things in for special diets etc
As a mum of kids with allergies i am pleased our school is, as yours sounds, very thorough about all this!Even to colour coded pass the parcel layers so the milk/gluten/egg free kids get to join in and can eat whats in their layer without swapping it!!

loobeylou · 11/12/2008 13:58

(sorry about mini hijack OP)

prettybirdinapeartree · 11/12/2008 14:03

We're not allowed to take photos/video during the performance as not all the kids' parents have signed the permission slips to be photographed.

We goet an opportunity at the end to take a photogrpah of our child and/or any of hsi friends that we know the parents of.

Poppycake · 11/12/2008 14:08

I think it's because I'm a newbug at this whole school thing and I find it odd that I seem to do more paperwork for dd's school than I do at work (and I'm a solicitor)! I'm sure it's all very necessary these days.

I loved the nativity tho, and do think it's probably better for the school to do cast photos than have them all flashing away through the production.

Not missing a trick, the school (with our permissions of course) are now marketing a DVD to give to all those relatives who couldn't make it. Tis a world away from the yearly jumble sale and summer fete I remember! But I guess does solve the problem of camcorderers, if people see that as a problem.

DocBunches · 11/12/2008 14:40

I agree with the OP. It used to irritate me to the point where I hated going to my DCs school productions because I found people standing and waving their cameras/camcorders around for the entire performance extremely distracting.

We always used to stand right at the back of the school hall and DP might try and take a quick photo or two if he had a good shot of our DCs. We preferred to try and 'soak in' the live aspect of the performance - usually to no avail whatsoever.

PlonkerTeatowelOnTheirHeads · 11/12/2008 14:46

Bah humbug

What is wrong with trying to capture the moment? I always film my dd's nativities although I stand out of the way and don't use flash photography. Is this ok or would I still bug you OP?

Sycamoretree · 11/12/2008 14:50

Poppycake - I can see where you are coming from, but TBH I would love DD's school to be so caring and careful. I'm so cross that DD 3 keeps being shovelled chocolate cake at every birthday and we haven't even been told or asked - I only twigged when she got picked up with chocolate smears all over her mouth! There have been about 10 birthdays in the last 7 weeks...

ScummyMummy · 11/12/2008 14:52

I agree completely. People are often so intent on catching the moment on camera that they don't actually watch and get the feeling of pride and awe. Plus they selfishly move themselves where their camcorder takes the best shots, blocking everyone else's view.

I still remeber my boys' first assembly. One of my twins was a burglar and the other was a postcard. They were both brilliant. I posted about it on here and tamum was so sweet- she said "Wow- being posted sounds very impressive, Scummy." or something like that! I was v touched. See? You don't need photos for the perfect memory of the event, You need to watch with excitement and then do a mumsnet thread!

littlelyn · 11/12/2008 14:57

My DD's headmistress tried to resolve this by saying up front that she would film the play and sell the DVD for £3 with all proceeds going to the PTA. Cheers all round - but we still had to put up with a few saddo's filming their blessed prince/princess!!!

macdoodle · 11/12/2008 15:00

Loobey.....do you have a younger child - my wonderful DD1 (7) was the star of the xmas concert she has worked her socks off at her solo's....
My DD2 is 11 months - I could find no one to watch her - my MIl and FIl work mornings, my CM had too many kids (doesnt normally have her on a thur), my friends were all working....I did try as I knew she would be a nightmare
As it was my H and I watched the first bit - he saw her first solo and then he took my ROWDY baby home so he missed the finale and 2nd solo!
Just to clarify are you saying we should not have watched our DD1 in her show so as not to piss off other parents watching PFB or with the luxury of someone to watch their younger ones

MadamDeathstarOverBethlehem · 11/12/2008 15:02

The DTD's nursery school prevented the problem by telling parents if they wanted to take photos/video they had to stand at the sides or at the back, NOT sit in the seats. People did as they were asked and everyone was happy.

Bucharest · 11/12/2008 15:08

YANBU- at dd's end of year show, despite being told it's not allowed, they all do it. Except me. And when you tell them off (as dp does) they say "It's my child, I can do what I want". They're also told that only a few members of each family can come (ie parents) as the hall is very small. The people carrier parked next to us had about 9 rellies in it. It is a nightmare and turns what should be a happy (and slightly emotional sniff sniff) moment into an absolute farce.....

smartiejakeonachristmascake · 11/12/2008 15:09

Cameras really annoy me especially not only because of the bleeping but also as the flashes distract the children.

The other thing that drove me mad last week when I saw DDs pantomime was the parent who spoke loudly all the way through the whole performance only stopping for the 5 seconds when her child was on the stage.

Same performance there was another with a young baby who screamed all the way through and the mum did not take the child out (and the school had said no children under 12 in the audience)

The performance was videoed so now I have wasted £17 on a dvd where a parents are talking and babies are screaming for the whole 45 mins!

If only some of these parents could know how much work goes into these shows and how hard all the children and the teachers have to work in order to put them on. It only takes a few very ignorant and thoughtless people to spoil 6 weeks of hard work. I always think it's such a shame for the children.