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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not go to DD's School Concert?

83 replies

muggglewump · 09/12/2008 20:02

I have a ton of things to do at home between now and Christmas, it's far easier to do them when DD is at school. I don't work on a Wednesday or Thursday but this week DD is not going to school on Thursday as we are going out for a family lunch.
Anyway, the concert is tomorrow, she is singing two songs with her class, I have it on good authority that she will be in a position (at the back) where I won't even be able to see her.
She is in the Country Dancing Club and they are having a show next week, far smaller and I will be able to see her and enjoy it.

Is it really bad to miss the Concert tomorrow?

OP posts:

Hulababy · 09/12/2008 20:04

How old is she?
How will she feel if you are not there?
Is anyone else going to support her?

prettybutterfly · 09/12/2008 20:04

Nope. I'm pretty sure I'm going to miss the nativity play. And I don't care. I just can't do it! Also, he's not really in it. Just a spear carrier.

compo · 09/12/2008 20:05

why do you have so much to do you can't go?
if you have so much to do why not do it on Thursday instead of takig her out of school to go t a family lunch? sorry but I find that bit a bit ing tbh

mumto2andnomore · 09/12/2008 20:07

I think you should go, even if she has a small part it will be very sad for her to see all the other parents there and know there is no good reason why you couldnt go.

Also missing school for a family lunch ??!!

mrsdisorganised · 09/12/2008 20:08

How old is DD? Does she understand your reasons for not going or would she be really upset? If she's at an age where you can explain to her then it may be easier... My kids would all get really upset if I missed anything....and I always think they're not going to be little forever. Difficult

rubyslippersisappearinginpanto · 09/12/2008 20:09

go and support her

my dad read the Guardian through most of my offerings at school events BUT he was there and i remember that

Ivykaty44 · 09/12/2008 20:09

You can't always go to everything, you are going to another show which is smaller and you will enjoy more so be it - dont worry about it.

i am not at my dd's school concert tonight as the school policy is two ticket per family and my dd's sister and dad have gone which means I dont get to go

cat64 · 09/12/2008 20:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

muggglewump · 09/12/2008 20:26

She's 7. Her CM will be there to support her and she won't know that I wasn't if I don't go.
The family lunch is a long story. The quick version is that I'm making up with my extended family after avoiding them for years. DD has to be there, they are practising the Concert again at school that day so she won't miss much.

OP posts:

Original poster

muggglewump · 09/12/2008 20:31

this thread may help.
It's a huge hall, packed tight with parents. You'd really have to be in the front two rows and your DC at the front of the stage for them to see you.

OP posts:

shitehawk · 09/12/2008 20:35

I can still remember the disappointment when I was in Junior school of looking excitedly along the rows for my parents, and realising they hadn't come to my Christmas play. I also remember how I felt when I was playing a solo in a concert a few years later and neither of them turned up for that. I was so hurt and upset that they hadn't come, and I still remember it with sadness now (and I'm forty-something).

Please go, if you can. It doesn't matter if you can't see her, it doesn't matter if the hall is packed. She will want her mum there, and the childminder will make a dreadful substitute.

Hulababy · 09/12/2008 20:37

If you do decide to not go I do think you should tell her you won't be there in advance, rather than omit to tell her.. At least that way she will know and not be looking out for you.

Cupofteaplease · 09/12/2008 20:45

I WISH I could go to dd's Nativity play. She is 3 and it is her first! However, I am doing a PGCE and, typially, am at my placement school on the same 2 days as dd's play, so I won't be able to go. In fact, I feel quite tearful about it especially as I am expected to stay late at my placement school to watch and help my class with their Nativity play, so will not see my children AT ALL that day.

So in my humble opinion, YABU, simply because of my own situation this year.

Hulababy · 09/12/2008 20:47

cupofteaplease - did you ask your placement school for some time off?

Coldtits · 09/12/2008 20:49

YABU

I remember many events to which my parents did not turn up with "Oh, you won't mind, will you?" (with an definite undercurrent of "You won't mind, and you better make sure you don't mind")

It hurts.

Original poster

muggglewump · 09/12/2008 20:54

Cupofteaplease
I'm sorry you can't be there, I can guess how awful that is.

Still though, DD can't see me, I can't see her or even hear her. Is it really that bad to miss it, given that I will be there for her Country Dancing where I we can see her, and she me a week later?

OP posts:

Cupofteaplease · 09/12/2008 20:55

Hulababy- I don't dare ask to be honest, I'm not supposed to take any time off, according to uni, even for illness Plus, it's a busy time in school, so it wouldn't be a popular request! I may ask tomorrow, if I went, I'd only be gone an hour...

Hulababy · 09/12/2008 20:57

I would ask. Some schools are really open to this and understand, ep when they are putting on similar themselves and requesting parental support. You will only miss an hour and can make that time up elsewhere.

At the very least they can only say no. So it s always worth asking - they might say yes.

cat64 · 09/12/2008 20:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

muggglewump · 09/12/2008 21:00

And she won't know I'm not there.
I know I'm now justifying not going when I'm still undecided but I can't get the point of going to look at other parents heads/camcorders and kids that I don't know.
DD will sing her songs (beautifully I'm sure) to the back of taller kids heads and will be none the wiser.

OP posts:

pointydog · 09/12/2008 21:00

I wouldn't ask for time off on a placement. Wouldn't look good.

Muggle, no YANBU. Doesn't really matter.

FrostytheSurfmum · 09/12/2008 21:02

What about asking her how she feels about you not being there?

Cupofteaplease · 09/12/2008 21:04

muggglewump- if you don't want to go, don't go! But I'd tell dd first that you won't be there, so she is not disappointed.

Pointydog- does it really look that bad to ask for an hour off on a placement? If so, I won't even ask, don't want to get a black mark against my name!

bozza · 09/12/2008 21:11

YABtotallyU. You should be grateful that it falls on one of your days off so you don't need to take annual leave like I do, even though I am part time. It is not all day, you would still have time to do other things for part of the day. What are all these things you can't do with a 7yo present - apart from wrapping her presents I can't think what. We are all busy at this time of year but that includes things like attending nativity plays. Also you would have more time if you weren't taking your DD out of school unnecessarily on Thursday.

pointydog · 09/12/2008 21:13

I'd imagine it would depend completely and utterly on the head and the teacher you are with at your school. No one I knew did it and it would have been looked on in a very poor light by my uni and placement schools.

I'm not saying it's right but I wouldn't have risked it. It can all be very judegemental

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