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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go to DD's School Concert?

83 replies

muggglewump · 09/12/2008 20:02

I have a ton of things to do at home between now and Christmas, it's far easier to do them when DD is at school. I don't work on a Wednesday or Thursday but this week DD is not going to school on Thursday as we are going out for a family lunch.
Anyway, the concert is tomorrow, she is singing two songs with her class, I have it on good authority that she will be in a position (at the back) where I won't even be able to see her.
She is in the Country Dancing Club and they are having a show next week, far smaller and I will be able to see her and enjoy it.

Is it really bad to miss the Concert tomorrow?

OP posts:
dingdongmerrilyonpie · 09/12/2008 21:18

YABU - like another poster said, surely you work part-time because you want to be there for your kids.

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 09/12/2008 21:18

I would say whats soooooo important at home? at the end of the day, you're off work, I would think you're dd is expecting you to be there.

What happens when full of the whole experience she says what did you think of ....

Can you not work in the evening with her in bed?

PS cupoftea surely if you ask nicely the worst thay can say is no, so long as you're gracious and say ok I realise it was a long shot....

cat64 · 09/12/2008 21:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

piscesmoon · 09/12/2008 21:21

If you are not working, I can't think of anything that would be more important than being there for your DD.

Pawslikepaddington · 09/12/2008 21:25

DD is heartbroken because I am not going to both offerings of her school play! And I work ft! However, I went to the nursery nativity last year and she didn't believe that I had gone as she couldn't see me (even though I hugged her when she came off stage), so had to show her the videocamera footage to prove I had been, so your dd may not know either way. She will be upset though, even if she doesn't say anything to you.

pregapuss · 09/12/2008 21:32

I think you should def go. After working in a primary school (not too sure how old she is?) I have seen how disapointed the children whos parents didn't turn up. It is different if you really can't, there isn't much you can do about that but just to be at home??? I think that is VU!

Sorry but is what you have to do at home really important? If you are that bothered about having a day at home can you not take a day off work?

I find it really sad that some people don't come when they can.

andlipsticktoo · 09/12/2008 21:37

Yes YABU!

If you can't make it because you work, that is unavoidable, but you just can't really be bothered!!

She will know that you aren't there - how will you tell her how wonderful the singing was afterwards if you don't go?

She will mind.

DoubleBluff · 09/12/2008 21:39

YABU if you are off work what could possibly be more immportant than seeing her, no matter how small her part.
I have taken annual leave to see DS2 say about 5 words, and cannot wait and cannot hink of anywhere I would rather be.

Pawslikepaddington · 09/12/2008 21:44

Btw cupsoftea-ask if you can go-you will be so sad if you are doing a nativity all day and missing yours-what is the harm in asking? Why is it looked on badly pointydog if she asks. Skipping an hour of placement without an excuse, yes, bad, but asking for time off for a nativity when that is what the school is doing that day anyway-is it really that much of an issue?

StephanieByng · 09/12/2008 22:17

I agree you should go. Whatever it is at home is only stuff. This is your DD. She WILL value knowing you were there even if she can't see you. and anyway if you don't go you can guarantee that for some reason she will be placed in the very front row and spend the entire time searching for you in the audience!

i think go - home stuff can always wait!

StephanieByng · 09/12/2008 22:19

oh and cupsoftea of course ask about the time off for your children's nativity. I am disgusted that placement schools would not want to support their students or teachers in attending nativities; it's once a year and if schools can't show that they value these things, who will?! That is a very short sighted and poor way to treat staff.

stillenacht · 09/12/2008 22:20

YABU

I wish too that i could go to my DS concert but unfortunately i have to rehearse for my school concert where i teach

Monkeyblue · 09/12/2008 22:29

Your going next week to where you can actually see her and she is taking part

YANBU

piscesmoon · 09/12/2008 22:39

YABU- stuff that you are doing at home can't be more important than seeing your DD in her concert! The years will flash by-make the most of every moment!

tiredsville · 09/12/2008 22:58

They are only this age once.

Original poster
muggglewump · 09/12/2008 23:16

I've decided not to go.
As I said in previous posts, it really would be me looking at the back of someone's head for an hour and a half, 10 minutes of that imagining DD singing.
I wish the Concert was different and kids got a part and parents could see but it's not.
The Dancing one will be and I'll be at that.

I do sympathise with those of you who would like to go to your DC Plays and can't, but me going to DD's won't help you.

OP posts:
Original poster
muggglewump · 09/12/2008 23:23

Oh, and I have no idea where I can't be bothered came from, but it wasn't me!

OP posts:
babyloveschristmas · 09/12/2008 23:27

YABU - Very. It is not about what YOU will see - it is about supporting your child. Your DD will be very upset when she realises you won't be there and most other parents will be> I am shocked!

aGalChangedHerName · 09/12/2008 23:32

I think it's shit that you will have her missing a day of school that she "has to be there for" but you wont give an hour of what is a day off for you to go to her play.

Ach you obviously don't give a monkeys what anyone thinks so why am i bothering??

Original poster
muggglewump · 10/12/2008 00:25

I did ask aGalChangedHerName and I was prepared for any answer.
I'm still here reading them so did you just make up me not giving a monkeys?
I'm assuming so as I do, very much so which is why I asked. The way my life is though I have lots to do and sorting out a great Christmas and putting my and DD's life back together might mean missing this.
It also means DD not being at School on Thursday. Believe it or not, it is very important to my family.

I accept the general consensus is IABU, I don't want to be one of those people that refuses to accept it, but I have made a choice not to go.
DD won't know anyway as I'll tell her I was there.
That probably makes me a horrid liar but it makes her happy and helps me sort things out.
Everyones's a winner

OP posts:
sunnydelight · 10/12/2008 06:36

I don't think you're unreasonable for not going, we all have to make choices sometimes, but I REALLY wouldn't tell her you were there if you're not. Sod's law little Johnny will puke or someone will fall off the stage or someone's little sister will wail all the way through and it will be clear to her that you weren't there if you don't know what she's talking about afterwards.

I'd stick to "mummy would love to be there but can't, but I'm really looking forward to your concert next week".

piscesmoon · 10/12/2008 07:38

I think when people look back on their lives they may regret not spending enough time with their DCs-I don't imagine anyone will look back and regret not doing enough paperwork or housework!

aGalChangedHerName · 10/12/2008 07:52

If you are not bothered about going and you think your dd wont care that you are not there why lie and say you are?

Ok if the Thursday thing is so important then fine but an hour out of your day surely wont hurt?

I was one of those kids who's mum said they were there and i just hadn't seen her btw. Children are not stupid. Just tell her the truth and say you are not going.

malovitt · 10/12/2008 08:20

I wouldn't go either Mugglewump, not if you have a lot to do. I can't bear the hordes of camcorder parents that make it impossible to see anything anyway. I loathe school productions and assemblies, I went along dutifully in their early years, but as they've got older my children know that I'm not going to come and accept it. They appreciate how often I'm there for them in other ways, standing watching them in freezing cold football pitches etc.

Apparently, some people have been known to get a friend to take a photo of the stage on a camera phone and forward it on to them. Then they can show the kids later and pretend they've been.

Does anyone remember Bob Geldof on Grumpy Old Men moaning about having to go to his daughter's plays? It was hilarious.

mumto2andnomore · 10/12/2008 09:24

Im really sorry you have decided not to go, makes me feel really sad for your daughter. Like others have said dont lie about being there, she will know-children are not daft.

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