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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

.... to wish total strangers would NOT comment on my parenting skills ........

85 replies

asdastressedmumoftwo · 05/12/2008 23:14

Completely prepared for you lot to criticise me, so here goes !!
Went to asda today to get photos printed and have a wander while waiting. DD1, 2.4yrs decided she wanted to walk, so since wasn't doing a shop conceded and put DD2, 3 mths in pram (normally both would be in trolley). Anyway, DD1 decided to try on some wellies (size 7 adlt !), DD2 then decided to start crying. DD1 wouldn't put her own shoes back on, so I couldn't pick up DD2 as had to carry DD1 (confusded yet ?). As I went round the corner of the aisle on my way back to car, a lady stopped me and said "haven't you got a dummy for her, she NEEDS a dummy" !! I was so shocked I couldn't think of any reply quick enough. I don't like dummies and DD2 certainly doesn't "NEED" one.

Would have loved to have told the interfering bag to go wherever, but also wonder if I could have handled it all differen tly.

Feel like a bit of a crap mummy really, bt am I being unreasonable ??

OP posts:
morocco · 06/12/2008 23:24

I've tried 'no, there's nothing I can do right now (dd having big strop and mad biddy complaining about noise) but thank you so much for sharing' accompanied by big false smile. still makes me smirk now. saccharine all the way

Maria2007 · 07/12/2008 09:34

Love the 'have a super day' idea Herbietea, also love your DH's response. Whenever I get comments like that I WISH I could respond like him...

Once (years ago) a friend & I were at a pub for lunch, with my friend's 3 month old. At some point the baby started crying & my friend cuddled him & told me to not pay attention to any comments because we had a right to be there. I had no idea what she was on about since at the time I had no children & could not for the life of me imagine people would make rude comments about a baby crying. Sure enough, a couple of minutes later an (old) man and his (old) lady companion started going 'tsk tsk tsk', doing it louder & louder, until I turned around & glared at them! When they saw we weren't responding, they continued with their 'tsk tsk tsk-ing' & said something about 'wanting peace & quiet for their lunch'and 'those young ones that bring their babies anywhere'. I glared at them again & said 'you know were have a right to be here as much as you do, and we can't help it that this baby's crying!' My friend told me to not continue, she was of the opinion that the best option is to ignore that kind of comment... But I remember it really upset me at the time!

Umlellala · 07/12/2008 10:52

Twentypence, I am so with you. Spread the love! A smile goes such a long way

jeee · 07/12/2008 10:59

I was once sat down on the window sills in Tescos breastfeeding when this old biddy stormed over waving her stick at me. "Here goes, anti-breastfeeding spiel" I thought. She shouted at me "Jolly well done, that's all I've got to say, jolly well done", and stormed off, no doubt to wave her stick at someone else.

Gorionine · 07/12/2008 11:06

Bless her!

Litchick · 07/12/2008 11:11

Mate of mine gets a lot of 'advice' from starngers as her son has SN and can make a lot of noise.
We were once in the park and her DS was howling when another Mum said.
'You're child is obviously very unhappy don't you think you should do something about it.'
Quick as a flash my mate said.
'Thing is, the rest of the family were killed in an avalanche yesterday so we're all a bit stressed.'

Fillyjonk · 07/12/2008 11:19

the thing is

no OP you are not being unreasonable at ALL, it is beyond annoying

BUT why do people do this?

I think sometimes because they miss having little kids, or because they really do worry that you will trip on your tatty hem (sorry but rofl at that one)

NotQuiteCockney · 07/12/2008 11:19

To be fair, sometimes you get nice comments ... last weekend I was worn out, took both DSes swimming, and then went for lunch.

I was desperate for a newspaper to hide behind, so left them both in the restaurant, with no books or anything to entertain them, after I ordered, while I (quickly) walked two blocks to the shop and back.

I was a bit tense about it, but thought, eh, whatever. They're 7 and 4, I doubt they'll do much. No problem when I got back. When we got up to go, after our lunch, the old couple at the next table told me the boys had been really lovely and it was a testament to my parenting.

I made sure the boys heard this, and made clear to DS1 that he particularly was deserving of this comment. (He'd been really good taking his brother to the loo repeatedly while I ate and read my paper.)

Flossish · 07/12/2008 11:24

For instances like this I think it might have been a good idea to keep a 'spare' in your pocket.

To shove in the nosey old parker's face!!

VirginBoffinMum · 07/12/2008 11:27

LOL jeee!
I want to be like that when I am older!

KatieDD · 07/12/2008 11:40

NotQuiteCockney I'm sorry I wouldn't have left them, a teenage girl was raped in our local sainsbury's toilets.

VirginBoffinMum · 07/12/2008 12:00

I might have considered leaving mine ... sometimes you just need a moment of peace and sanity ... rapes in toilets are incredibly rare and these LOs were surrounded by other people anyway. However two blocks sounds a little bit far - do you really mean two blocks or two buildings?

used2bthin · 07/12/2008 12:11

I had a good experience yesterday, DD was having her most enourmous tantrum evr (so far) and I was in a shop with a heavy basket, trying desperately to calm her down at the same time as not drop my basket. A few people had given me "looks" otherwise I probably would have just carried on but anyway, as I struggled a lady came and asked did I need any help and said oh dear it is hot in here it does make one feel stressed,etc etc. I thought it was so lovely of her to actually offer her help as well as comisserating!

lottiejenkins · 07/12/2008 12:14

My ds has special needs and several years ago he was having a meltdown in our local supermarket. An old lady came beetling over to me and said "that young man needs a good smack on the backside" I replied (whilst seething) " and you old lady need to learn to mind your own business as you dont anything about my son!" I scooped up my son and left her doing a very good impersonation of a goldfish gasping for air!!!!

VirginBoffinMum · 07/12/2008 12:20

Once a traffic warden came up to me and DD1 as she was having a monster tantrum in Waitrose. She stood in front of DD as she pay on the floor and said, "Now stop that nonsense now and be a good girl for your mum! She has shopping to do!"

DD took one look at the uniform, probably thought it was the police, stopped crying, stood up nicely and held my hand quietly. Said traffic warden winked at me and said "I find the uniform usually has the desired effect".

I could have hugged her!

NotQuiteCockney · 07/12/2008 12:54

I really meant two blocks - I had thought the shop was closer, when I set out, to be fair, though. Small restaurant, both boys are sensible. What on earth would happen? I did hurry back.

VirginBoffinMum · 07/12/2008 12:56

Well, I don't think it's a big deal, and it obviously wasn't because they were absolutely fine. You've clearly trained them well. Children should be able to manage a little bit without their parents, otherwise what would they do if you were separated in a crowd or somesuch?

DippyDino · 07/12/2008 21:04

Waiting at a bus stop with dd 18months in buggy. Bus comes and a lady at the front of the cue (sp) gets on, but no one else moves, so I go to get on with dd, guessing that everyone else must be waiting for a different bus. 'Hey there is a cue you know' I hear behind me, so I stop dead in my tracks and still no one is getting on the farking bus! WTF! Til I look and realise that the lady that first got on in her BLUE UNIFORM is the bus driver and they are 'changing over' (in bus speak) but of course by this time I am red faced and it's not a good idea to go 'but I thought...' and explain it all in front of the gang of tutting old ladies, so I just get myself to the back of the cue.
Dd's buggy is playing up and will not fold up for love nor money, so I have to sit in the buggy space with it tight up against me (almost on my bloody lap) so i don't get any more gip from the OAPs (Outraged and Annoyed Pensioners)
One lady is very nice and sits next to me and dd and chats, but one old bat snaps 'It's in the way' as she gets off, as she had to reach around buggy handle in order to get to bus hand hold thingy. Again instead of explaining it doesn't fold up, needs oiling or something, i just burst into tears.
Oh the injustice!!!! Needed to get that off my chest...

LouLou525 · 22/09/2011 09:29

I wonder if it's just the same one old lady that you've all encountered over the years!

rainbow2000 · 22/09/2011 10:14

Why are all old biddies obsessed with dummies,ive no idea.Ive 2 times that really stick out,once ds2 was only a few months old and was screaming,now he was the sort of child that could cry and cry.This oul biddy comes up and asks me wheres his soother,i say he doesnt have 1.Well she started to go in to a little rant and i turned and said you see him now can u imagine if he lost his soother thats why he doesnt have one.Her face was a picture.Nest one ds3 was in a trolley few weeks old and was crying,now me and his dad were close enough to the trolley but not directly with it.I happened to turn around and see this yoke with her hand in the trolley and around his back rooting for the soother,so i go over and of course she asks me the obvious and i say what are you doing rooting well igave her loads i just wasnt in the humour for that shite.

EverythingInMiniature · 22/09/2011 10:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pagwatch · 22/09/2011 10:23

Is everyone on this thread pissed?

TheVermiciousKnid · 22/09/2011 10:27

Is everyone on this thread pissed?

Yep. And considering they've been pissed for more than 3 years it's going to be quite some hangover.

rainbow2000 · 22/09/2011 10:28

I didnt notice haha.

Janiston · 22/09/2011 10:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.