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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DS is being ungrateful?

53 replies

MrsSnape · 03/12/2008 17:09

A while ago, DS1 (10) told me he wanted a Wii for christmas. I told him, the only way he'd get a wii is if it was a joint present with his younger brother.

DS2 however never wanted a wii. He is quite happy with his xbox. Everytime I've asked DS2 what he wants for christmas he has said that all he wants is a Guinea Pig and an xbox game. I told him to forget about the guinea pig.

Then, I tried to brainwash him into wanting a wii as I couldn't think of anything else to get him. He reluctantly agreed that he'd 'like' that as a joint present. However, every game he's asked for since has been for xbox still, no wii games so I know deep down he still doesn't want a wii.

DS1 however has been happy in the knowledge that since DS2 'agreed', they would be getting a wii for christmas.

I have since thought that this was a bit unfair on DS2 so I have now decided to get him a guinea pig for christmas and let DS1 have the wii as a main present for himself.

I let DS1 in on the plan and told him he could choose the pig for his brother (which would then be stashed at grandmas house until christmas eve).

DS1 then asked me "that's cool, he'd love that! but what will my main present be?" so I said "I thought you wanted a wii?" so he replied "no, that was a joint present, so apart from that, what will be MY main present?"

I told him a wii is expensive and he should be thankful about getting that. He went a bit quiet but agreed...I can now tell he IS upset that his brother is getting a guinea pig.

I think the way he sees it is that DS2 will still play on the wii yet also gets a special present of his own whilst DS1 'just' gets the wii.

AIBU to work it like this or is he being ungrateful?

OP posts:
2AdventSevenfoldShoes · 03/12/2008 17:10

yanbu
but he is 10

beanieb · 03/12/2008 17:11

Who got your other son the xbox? Does he share it with his brother?

Saturn74 · 03/12/2008 17:12

I think he's just a bit mixed up by the change of plans.
I never tell my two what they're getting - saves a lot of hassle.

LIZS · 03/12/2008 17:12

oh dear - sorry but I think you have invited trouble by letting him in on your plan. He's only 10 and yet he is already trying to manipulate you and you are on the verge of giving in. Don't he is and will continue to be ungrateful however hard you try to please.

bubblagirl · 03/12/2008 17:13

i think maybe for a child its hard to comprehend as his brother wills tillw ant to play on his present etc

maybe you can just get a small something to add thats just for him as i doubt the concept will be understood

i dont think your bu and i dont think he is either i remeber being that age being told something was mine then my siblings played with it most of the time and i was had ago at for not sharing yet in my mind it was my present

belgo · 03/12/2008 17:13

I don't think he's ungrateful, I think he's just a bit confused by the change of plans (I'm also a little confused by your OP)

bubblagirl · 03/12/2008 17:13

that should say will still want

Original poster
MrsSnape · 03/12/2008 17:14

The xbox was a main present, bought by me last christmas.

God the kids are spoilt! But yes, I can sort of see why he feels this is unfair Perhaps I should buy the cage and one guinea pig for DS2 and let DS1 choose a pig for himself to keep in the same cage?

OP posts:
Blu · 03/12/2008 17:15

Next year, take thier wishes and hints into consideration..make your own decision about what to get and let it be a suprprise!

He is entering into this as if it was some sort of negotiating deal that he can 'win' or do less well on - hardly surprising since you have been discusing and negotaitong and bartering with them. Christmas presents are presents, not part of a complicated agreement and obligation!

Lauriefairycake · 03/12/2008 17:15

Sorry, but I think that makes sense in his mind. If I were ten I would not think about the machinations you had to go through to make it a joint present or that his little brother didn't really want one.

I would think I get half a wii and he gets half a wii and a guinea pig.

compo · 03/12/2008 17:16

I would stick to the original plan and forget the guinea pig
Ds2 will be happy enough with the wii once it arrives

Original poster
MrsSnape · 03/12/2008 17:17

Lauriefairycake, I'm starting to see it that way too. It WILl seem that way to him.

I wish I'd never mentioned it at all to them, after last christmas I swore I wouldn't ask and just buy but I worry so much about disapointing them.

OP posts:
Blu · 03/12/2008 17:17

MrsSnape - this is ridiculous! You will have DS2 chargibg DS1 rent f his guinea pig to live in his cage, at this rate!

Buy one gp, one wii, a wii game for DS2 (as well as an x box game) and a Xbox game for DS1 (as well as his wii games) so that they each have a game to play, and share on each other's games consoles.

themildmanneredjanitor · 03/12/2008 17:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

clutteredup · 03/12/2008 17:19

Can't you get him half a guinea pig too?
I can see his point my DS 7yo would be the same - next year make the decisions without consulting them they're bound to try for more.

Blu · 03/12/2008 17:21

Remind him that in the first place you had said NO to a wii....that DS2 doesn't really want one, and that you have threrefore decided to give in to his wish for a wii of his own.

Santasquashedpingpingsbells · 03/12/2008 17:22

MS I think next year you should defo not mention it to either of them.

Hard one as both will use the Wii maybe just get them the Wii together for them and forget about the pigs

Get some other little bits instead.

themildmanneredjanitor · 03/12/2008 17:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kayzisexpecting · 03/12/2008 17:27

Get the wii and get them a guinea pig each. They are much happier in pairs so it will be good for the guinea pigs too.

Then next year don't discuss presents with them at all.

TheProvincialLady · 03/12/2008 17:27

MrsSnape you need to think of ways to STOP this materialism and excessive gift giving. You are an adult, he is a child - you decide what he gets and when. There is no entitlement to a Christmas present but you have given your DS the notion that he has a right to a certain amount of stuff. It is worrying at his age, but if you don't check it now it will affect his adult life too - he will be prone to overspending, debt etc to get what he feels he needs and deserves regardless of the consequences. I only say this because of your other threads on the subject, in conjunction with this one - I repeat, you are the adult, take charge (of yourself as much as him)

smurfgirl · 03/12/2008 17:30

Its unfair to only have one guinea pig (they like to live in pairs) so get them one each and don't get the wii. If you want it get it another time as a surprise.

Wiis are a bit rubbish really, esp if you have an xbox360.

Saturn74 · 03/12/2008 17:34

I wouldn't get an animal as a Christmas present, tbh.
Let them share the Wii.
Get lots of little bits eg: yoyo, practical jokes, pen, party poppers, books, and make them both a lovely stocking. Wrap each present individually.
I do this - it makes a little look like a lot.
Then I'd look into getting a guinea pig or two later on.

infin · 03/12/2008 17:36

Guines pigs don't like to live alone...they should be in pairs....honestly!!!!

seeker · 03/12/2008 17:38

Why on earth would anyone DISCUSS with their children what they are getting for Christmas?

piscesmoon · 03/12/2008 17:38

I don't think he is ungrateful-just totally confused! I don't think an animal should be a Christmas present. If you want one I would get one when there is nothing else going on and discuss all the responsibilities first.

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