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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DS is being ungrateful?

53 replies

MrsSnape · 03/12/2008 17:09

A while ago, DS1 (10) told me he wanted a Wii for christmas. I told him, the only way he'd get a wii is if it was a joint present with his younger brother.

DS2 however never wanted a wii. He is quite happy with his xbox. Everytime I've asked DS2 what he wants for christmas he has said that all he wants is a Guinea Pig and an xbox game. I told him to forget about the guinea pig.

Then, I tried to brainwash him into wanting a wii as I couldn't think of anything else to get him. He reluctantly agreed that he'd 'like' that as a joint present. However, every game he's asked for since has been for xbox still, no wii games so I know deep down he still doesn't want a wii.

DS1 however has been happy in the knowledge that since DS2 'agreed', they would be getting a wii for christmas.

I have since thought that this was a bit unfair on DS2 so I have now decided to get him a guinea pig for christmas and let DS1 have the wii as a main present for himself.

I let DS1 in on the plan and told him he could choose the pig for his brother (which would then be stashed at grandmas house until christmas eve).

DS1 then asked me "that's cool, he'd love that! but what will my main present be?" so I said "I thought you wanted a wii?" so he replied "no, that was a joint present, so apart from that, what will be MY main present?"

I told him a wii is expensive and he should be thankful about getting that. He went a bit quiet but agreed...I can now tell he IS upset that his brother is getting a guinea pig.

I think the way he sees it is that DS2 will still play on the wii yet also gets a special present of his own whilst DS1 'just' gets the wii.

AIBU to work it like this or is he being ungrateful?

OP posts:
MadMarg · 03/12/2008 17:38

If you get the wii, make sure you get a game for yourself and make them share it with you too!!!!

But I think everyone is right, you were silly to mention it to them before you had made any sort of decision. If you had a set limit to spend on a present, then you could ask them what they want, up to that limit. If they want to pool their money then they could get a 'share' present.

(Although I say this with no experience at all as my DS is only 2 years old )

thenewme · 03/12/2008 17:41

It appears that DS1 is being favoured as you have pressured DS2 to want the wii.

I would scrap all the ideas and start again.

No way can one child get a Wii and the other a guinea pig.

MIne have been given a limit to choose something and that is that.

Mine are 3 5 and 7 and have never asked for anything electrical.

mumchie · 03/12/2008 17:45

I'd get the wii....it's the kind of thing the whole family will use anyway and much better fun playing with someone else.

I'd leave the guinea pig for now, your ds2 will love the wii, it's great fun.

Colditz · 03/12/2008 17:52

If you were going to buy a wii and a guinea pig anyway, get a wii and two guinea pigs, as they like to be in pairs.

thenewme · 03/12/2008 18:03

I don't think it is fair to get the wii and ds2 has to accept it as part of his present. He doesn't want it.

Colditz · 03/12/2008 18:10

For God's sake, it's not like a pay packet, where you have to accept a Wii when you are entitled to something else. It's a Christmas present and you damn well get what you are given - and "Nothing" is an option, you know.

chopchopbusybusy · 03/12/2008 18:10

I don't have any thoughts either way on the Wii, but please do not buy just one guinea pig - it will be very lonely.

ThePregnantMerryYuleWitch · 03/12/2008 18:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

compo · 03/12/2008 18:22

are you ok MrsSnape?

conniedescending · 03/12/2008 18:27

I think some of these posters are right and iirc you have posted about your ds1 being ungreatful about gifts before?? You have to stop this kind of behaviour and attitude. He is behaving like this because you are negotiating on presents and have allowed him to behave like this.

I would forego the wii completely...it will be a lesson to your ds1 about the nature of gift giving. I would either get them both something different - that you choose and don;t tell them what it is or buy a cage and get them a guinea pig each.

piscesmoon · 03/12/2008 19:08

I would just get them both something else completely, that is a total surprise.

Original poster
MrsSnape · 03/12/2008 20:56

The wii has already been bought, I bought it ages ago thinking they would be hard to get hold of near christmas...that was before all this "credit crunch" stuff.

I've decided to give them a wii as their main present BUT buy them each a game I know they will love to make it "individual". So Mario Kart for DS2 with the wheel in the box and guitar hero for DS1 with the guitar etc.

I am going to buy 2 guinea pigs in february as it is their birthdays and I never know what to buy for birthdays. That way, I can buy the cage and then take them down to the petshop ON their birthdays where they can choose their own.

It's always more special hand-picking your own pet

OP posts:
Saturn74 · 03/12/2008 21:16

That sounds like a good solution, MrsSnape.

seeker · 03/12/2008 23:14

I'm sorry to put in my tuppence worth at this late stage - but it still seems to me that your ds1 has got what he wants - and ds2 is having to go along with it. If I recall (I've definitely been here too long) you've had problems like this with your ds1 before (forgive me if I'm wrong.)

I wold be half inclined to return the Wii and get something completely different. Or am I being too harsh?

Oh, and why do people discuss their children's christmas presents with them? Does everyone do this and I'm the odd one out? What happens on Christmas morning if they know what they're going to get?

cookiedough · 03/12/2008 23:26

YANBU. But, kids DO have a different mentality and likelihood is he is thinking totally emotionally with complete oblivion to your spending etc. Kids don't seem to understand money and effort till they leave home...!

Just wanted to add that I'm glad you're getting two guinea pigs! They don't like living alone! And also, for the record in case you've not had them before, they need cleaning out more than once a week...! But they are wonderful pets for children. Handle them lots when they're new and they'll be friendly for ever.

Now all you have to do is name them...!

(Sorry to hijack thread but I have guinea pigs and always like to stick up for them!)

Tortington · 03/12/2008 23:31

make a proclaimation

the wii is to share.

ds2 gets his x box game ds1 gets sommat else.

ChangedMyMind · 03/12/2008 23:37

I agree with custardo, ds2 doesn't want the wii buy him the xbox game he really wants, buy ds1 a something that he would like.

Let the wii be a family thing in the family room for everyone.

TheProvincialLady · 04/12/2008 08:23

Seeker it starts with a christmas list to father christmas and ends up being a list of demands IMO. I agree, why discuss what they are getting? Surely it spoils some of the fun anyway.

Lowfat · 04/12/2008 08:41

MrsSnape

Give them 2 joint presents, a Wii to share and 2 guinea pigs. They are social creatures after all and thrive with a companion.

Although if any help. DD(5) wanted GP's for her birthday and since then she only bothers with them if someone else is playing with them - i.e. her 2 yr old DB who loves them and takes much more interest in them.

And we have abought a Wii for all of us this Christmas as DH and I also wanted one.

islandofsodor · 04/12/2008 08:51

If they only had an xbox last Christmas there is no way anyone wouldbe getting a wii this Christmas. Stuff like that is way to expensive to be thinking on a year.

A couple of years ago when dd was 5 she really wated a VSmile for Xmas, the following year she wanted a ds lite. I said no, she only had her VSmile the year before.

She finally got her dslite for her 7th birthday and I also bought dh a PS2.

That's it now for a few years.I do think youhave brought some of this on yourself by allowing you ds's to think they can have such things every year.

But to get out of the situation I would make it plain to your ds that he has a choice a wii OR something else as his main present anda guinea pig for his brother.

Blu · 04/12/2008 13:31

MrsSnape - I think your solution is OK.
Be sure to get a joint 'play together' family game fo the wii too - so that they do play together, with each other, and are not fighting for goes on their own game.

You could have that as YOUR present from them

Blu · 04/12/2008 13:31

MrsSnape - I think your solution is OK.
Be sure to get a joint 'play together' family game fo the wii too - so that they do play together, with each other, and are not fighting for goes on their own game.

You could have that as YOUR present from them

plumandolive · 05/12/2008 08:09

Agree with smurf- forget the kids- rights for guineapigs- it's unfair to keep one guineapig- they don't thrive unless inpairs or more....
Also- I think at 10 unreasonable isn't a word I would use- he just sees it as unfair...I'm sure ds1 would get pleasure out of the piggy too, as much as ds2 would from the wii.

plumandolive · 05/12/2008 08:14

Just seen your solution- hadn't got to page 2 yet- I think it's a good one. Are their birthdays the same time then? Cos then there'll be a drama about who gets the guineas first!

bellaBuonNatalevita · 05/12/2008 08:22

Oh MrsSnape, you do get yourself into some scrapes

Your DS1 does seem to get his own way a lot - won't hurt for you to be hard once in a while, tis called tough love.

Am glad you have found a solution.