To be a hairs breadth away from taking my teen out of secondary school...

[ConniesCuriousCandle]

....because of the girls she is aspiring to be mixing with

she is making my life a misery by insisting that girls who i really truly dislike with every fibre of my being are 'lovely girls' and she 'likes chavs'

she comes home and trys to be all fake pleasant for about 5 seconds until something does not go her way but i just cant stand the fake ness knowing that all day she has been f ing and blinding with the wannabe sluts

sorry for bad language but she is and has for a while ruined my life

her tone with me is revolting and arrogant. she does not give a shit when i cry and wail...she smirks

i would just rather keep her home and not have to endure the daily sending into the sluts lions den that she so reveres. The only thing she seems to be learning is how to be more like them

sorry for language

I wonder what the other girls are like at home...

noonki thankyou

I will try ..one of her bf's sister is a lap dancer

I am a feminist... i used to be chilled kind of laugh at it

now it just hurts - that dd thinks this is ok and a 'normal' part of being a girl

Seuss yes we do too

dp says their parents CANNOT know what is on their bebo pages because hey are SO shocking

connie, troll or not, I am not going to rise to your unpleasantness. Are you saying your dd is 14?

from the tone of your posts (and that is all I have to go off of course) you don't sound like you are trying to meet her halfway

"the reason she is ruining my life is that she taints the atmosphere in the home...slooping about being miserable because she has not got her none existant tit out on bebo "- I am shocked at that particular comment and would consider it unhelpful to the point of toxicity

many days I am driven to distraction by my dd, would never speak of her in that way

wait another year - i would have said your words then

toxic - your favourite phrase -too much Britney

crikey - lap dancer. Doesn't mean your dd REALLY wants to do that stuff, perhaps part of her is actually glad you don't just let her do all these things. All girls probably say they want to be glamour models etc etc - at the end of the day most of them aren't going to actually DO it.

you go on about your daughter tone when you use such derogatory language and judgey comments. sheesh

a teenager JD is to eschew parental values

you need to unclench
maybe she is doing it to wind you up, and kerching! it clearly does

maybe she is scottish

possible..

she and i still dooo get on - if i sound wound up it is because we have had am argument

if i sound 'judgy' not sure what that means

it is my job to protect her to a degree until she has the maturity to protect herslf

i 'am' maybe judging some of her friends as i have said - they do not behave in a pleasant way

am not going to post on this thread again in protection of my blood pressure

It's better you got wound up and ranted a bit on here rather than continuing your argument with dd. I guess if I were you I'd just carry on like you have been, trying to keep things rosy on the home-front, whilst nipping off to mumsnet for the odd rant. And hope that these times pass and you get your sweet dd back again. Good luck. Don't forget to breeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaathhhhhhhhhheeee.

you are the adult here all the tit for tat she said i said is diverting you both from whatever you really need to discuss

it is nearly text book

hmmm- how to annoy a feminist mum?oh i now bang on about sex,image looks etc

ding dong she pushed your buttons

try engage each other about something else

sally obviousky my jest about her bust was illl placed BUT we do still get on fine to be honest and despite my heart ache we are still close.

we communicate openly

i just cant get past her choices and YOU ARE RIGHT i know i have to

when we look at her friends bebo - the comments about boys - loss of virginity etc are abounding - they are mostly 13

i am just obviously naive

my boys dont think it is cool to swear etc reveal boy parts on www ..dont understand why my dd does

astute comments scottish mummy - mayb you are righ but your words upset me

Give your dd some credit - just because she is hanging out with girls who are losing their virginity at 13 doesn't mean she is going to or even really wants to.

Kids go along with stuff to fit in - hopefully she knows her boundaries, or will work them out pretty quick.

I have a 15yr old sister who is exactly as you describe apart from her friends also all binge drink and smoke weed.

It is a phase, it will almost certainly pass but you can't speed that process up and her attitude isn't likely to improve until she grows up, starts sixth form etc.

The only thing you can do is sit down with her and outline things that are and aren't acceptable in terms of her behaviour and the consequences of them i.e. curfew, chores, phone usage etc. You can't control who she is friends with, she is turning into her own person. To a certain extent unless she is outright rude to you then you need to just relax, teenagers are miserable - we call my sister a dementor like out of Harry Potter as when she is in a strop she does suck the life out of everyone.

How would you like your Mum saying she hated your friends and thought they were common? I know I would hate it as I am an adult and perfectly capable of knowing who I like and who I don't - your daughter (despite the not actually being an adult yet) will feel exactly the same.

Try and keep her on side, show an interest in her and her friends. Invite them over - I did this with my sisters friends (my Mum couldn't face it but has sinces) and whilst her friends are mainly thick, lacking ambition and with very different lifestyles that my sister and I they are genuinely nice girls, they just don't behave in what I consider a nice way.

Good luck!

i know she is not doing any of the stuff Suess

she is essentially good

but i think she aspires to being like these girls

looks up to them

there are lovely girls round ( and boys) but she is not interested in the middle of the road girls

she wants 'the sex' or 'sex on legs' - thats how they refer to themselves - the latter being 12 when she adopted that name

Well put EWE. Good luck Connie. Gotta go.

Connie
So sorry to hear your problems - thought life was quite sweet with you from other thread!
Sounds as though you are (justifiably) panicking at a situation that you just feel is out of your control.

I have a 10 yr old DD who is drawn to all things playboy and 'chavy' and concerns me to. Unfortunately we just can't choose their friends but I hope to engineer some of their influences (ie encouraging certain activities over others). Is she into drama? Maybe a local drama group away from school friends and the mention of potential celebrity (seems to wash with most teens at the mo).
Very difficult.
Don't judge yourself or her too harshly though, you are too close to the situation to see this objectively.

I can see why you worry, but really it sounds like in the long run she will be fine. Take care and try not to stress too much!

thankyou EWE that has REALLY helped will read it to dp now x

Excuse all the typos/lack of punctuation - baby on lap!

Connie - I feel your pain. My DD is 22 now, but we went through the same stuff.

She's not herself right now. It takes time. She will come back to you.

Remember, you've had her for a lot more time than these girls have. That counts.

I would post more, but i've drunk rather too much wine.

Just posting what someone said to me when my dd was 15, 16, 17. I didn't believe it, but it's true.