to be fed up about never having any money even though DH earns (just) over £100k?

[MakemineaGandT]

I know it sounds like a lot, but with a big mortgage and all the other usual bills we have very little disposable cash.

We don't have a cleaner or any other kind of help

Neither of us has had any new clothes for at least 18 months

We spend £100 a week on groceries, so hardly extravagant

We haven't been on holiday for 3 years

We do all DIY etc ourselves

We've been out twice this YEAR

I just don't know how we can cut back. It feels as though we are working so hard and yet we are always struggling.

It makes me really annoyed when I see comments (for example on that taxing over £150k thread) about the "super rich") - I guess on paper we look "rich" but it certainly doesn't feel like it!

Newsmongers...excellent posts.

Yes, but the only reason why you sit down with calculators and mostly it's the woman who earns less so she stays home is because women are programmed inside in their psyche. brain chemistry to marry men who earn more. They are seeking good providers. I'm not saying they are right or wrong to do that. It helps ensure the species continues that men marry the "better" men. If sitting down the calculator woman is on £50k and man on £18k then the man does sometimes stay home but women tend not to marry men who earn less so usually the sums define that the woman stops work.

Some men do want to stay home and feel shortchanged they aren't allowed and indeed I have come across quite a lot in the last 20 years who have not consented to the wife staying home actually. They don't want 100% of the financial burden and for her to be home which some people (men and women) think is easier when they have to work.

Xenia out of my close circle of very good friends 5 out of 10 earn more than their husbands. Out of those 5 only 2 have children at the mo but both work aswell as their husbands as they would lose too much income to do otherwise. Out of the three who haven't had kids yet they have all said when they do they want their husbands to stay at home as they earn the least. I don't know if this will honestly happen but I know that is their full intention. I was never brought up to marry someone who would earn well!

I doubt its biology that makes women seek out men who earn more. the fact is, in this society, male jobs earn more. So male pay is on average higher.
I am puzzled about Xenia's divorce settlement. If you earn less then surely ex-dh doesn't get the cash you are slogging your guts out to earn for him?

Personally I wanted to stay home with my children and did so. Its what I wanted. Now, after 17 years at home I am starting some more study. Cos I want too. Doubt it will lead to a job though as its tough getting work when 3 limbs have ceased working.

When I met DH I earnt the same as him so your theory doesn't apply to us either Xenia.

..and to be honest did I ask DH what he earnt before I decided to embark on a relationship with him, let alone marry him and have children with him? Nope, definitely not. The fact either one of us was in a secure job well paid job had absolutely nothing to do with us starting a relationship. I'd have stayed with him if he was earning a pittance or unemployed. In fact...he was heavily in debt and up to eyes with his overdraft and going through a very messy costly divorce when I met him so perhaps, in my case, the fact I loved him and wanted to stay with him bore more importance than how much he had in his wallet.

I do wish you wouldn't keep rambling on about what women earn and what men earn. Money isn't everything.

Maybe we should all be genetically modified so that we longer find wealthy men attractive. And genetically modified so that we don't want children!

Perfect!!

(for about 50 years).

Having been in a relationship where I earned less, I understand only too well how the power can be abused.

It's not something I'd seek out again. Mind you, I 'd have to search hard to find a man who earned less than I do.

When I met DH he actually worked for me.

He obviously earns more than me ( I am a SAHM) but I am actually wealthier than him as he places all his bonuses in an account in my name only and halfthe house is mine.

mwahahaha.

and nerrr.

I don't believe the modern women finds a wealthier man all that attractive. I was aware of the pitfalls of this right from the start.

The modern employer still prefers to pay a woman less though.

needmorecoffee, I'm puzzled about it too. Xenia's children are at university or even finished! So how is their father still receiving such a significant sum every month!

He landed on the pigs back when he got his settlement so it would seem.

Xenia's dh did earn less than her so assume he got a settlement to ensure he could live in the manner to which he had become accustomed.

He received a lump sum. It was not far short of £1m. I had to borrow most of it and it's the interest on that which I have to pay as we had a clean break.

REmember support from the higher earning spouse after divorce is NOT mostly fot eh chidlren. Child support is different. Mr Cartney's wife was deemed to need £600k a year - they are allowed to have the standard of living they had before. So usualyl it's take a wife, become rich, she gets used to expensive hair cust, holidays etc and when you divorce her she is entitled for the same to continue (in the very very few marriages where the joint income of the couple is barely enough to live on).

I've never been sure why, after divorce, if its not for the kids why one adult should have to support the other.
Sure, if one partner gave up earnings to be a SAHP but generally, grownups can go earn their own money.

Obviously I agree with that too. If you're married to a male nurse who always worked full time or teacher as I was and the spouse earns £2m a year why should the nurse or teacher on divorce who sacrificed nothing assuming there are no children or they live with the higher earner get these massive sums that they do get? All it means is that some of us are put off marrying at all to avoid the risk particularly as UK prenups are not enforceable.

Interesting in the FT today -0 says 400,000 people in the UK earn over £150k and may pay the new 45% tax rate (46.5% when NI is included). It says the IFS reckons no extra tax might be raised which will make a hole in the Government's sums. People make less effort to earn money, undertake more tax planning, make more contributions to pension schemes, take more pay in capital gains, incorporate their business or emigrate.