to be fed up about never having any money even though DH earns (just) over £100k?

[MakemineaGandT]

I know it sounds like a lot, but with a big mortgage and all the other usual bills we have very little disposable cash.

We don't have a cleaner or any other kind of help

Neither of us has had any new clothes for at least 18 months

We spend £100 a week on groceries, so hardly extravagant

We haven't been on holiday for 3 years

We do all DIY etc ourselves

We've been out twice this YEAR

I just don't know how we can cut back. It feels as though we are working so hard and yet we are always struggling.

It makes me really annoyed when I see comments (for example on that taxing over £150k thread) about the "super rich") - I guess on paper we look "rich" but it certainly doesn't feel like it!

You see Whispy you had me on the 'our money' bit 'cos I believe that but you lost me when you said your DH needs you at home.
Men don't need their homelife to run like a 1950's style sitcom.
My Dh has managed to hold down his position as managing partner without me ironing his socks.
I believe Tony Blair's wife had a full time job and a couple of kids.
Sheesh. These men are not children.

"economic good fortune"

It's not just 'good fortune' though, is it? That makes it sound as though well paid jobs get dished out by lottery. People work hard and choose particular career paths, and make decisions about the priorities in their life. Those who are well enough off not to have to worry about money might well feel fortunate, but I don't really think they should be expected to feel grateful for the lives they have made for themselves.

nbyn...ok, so you want to know what I do for a job then eh? To make you see I earn money and don't think myself 'lucky' ??

I work from home. I work during the nights when my kids are in bed. I start working at about 9pm and finish around 2-3am. If I can't get all my work done I start again just before the kids get up and finish when they've gone into school. I also do a carers job - I shop for the elderly - for those who want to stay in their own homes and don't want to go into care. I do their shopping with mine. I work for an agency who organise this and I get cash in hand for that.

Is that ok for you? Can you see my little part-time job is actually a money earner? My wages either go into the bank (work from home) and my cash work goes into a pot to pay for school outings, shoes for my kids etc.

I dont' earn a huge amount each month but its enough to keep us ticking over..hence why I call it a little part-time job, unlike my DH's job which is the main income into our house.

Economic good fortune? FFS.

Litchick...sorry, gonna disagree with you re DH needs me at home...he doesn't need me at home ironing his socks, I agree. With children to look after I have enough on my plate BUT he couldn't cope with his job if things were topsy turvy at home. He also works from home sometimes (paperwork etc) and if life is chaotic at home he'd struggle to meet the targets he has set at work. That's what I meant. He gets stressed out when the kids are off on half-terms and he has to work from home. Unfortunately the house isn't big enough for him to have an office although I have suggested the shed.

whispy, I am not going to get sucked into a comparison. You yourself called it a little part time job, which by your description, it is.

Like your dh, I also work from home sometimes, in a job that requires concentration, have a small house, but no wife at home to support me and keep my 4 children from distracting me.

And no, I don't accept that we make our own paths and get the rewards we deserve. Luck plays just as important a role as hard work.

Well, I don't agree but there you go ... that is just our own no doubt different experiences in life giving us a different viewpoint.

These comparisons are just so pointless though. It is a sort of martyred oneupmanship. You are berating whispy for not seeing her good fortune while bemoaning your own lot; no doubt there is some childless woman reading this thinking how lucky you are to have 4 kids, or a jobless mother thinking that you should think yourself lucky to have a job. The world is a cruel harsh place, and there is always someone worse off than you, and equally people better off. There is no sense ingoing through life being martyred or bitter or envious. The only conclusion to come to is that one should be glad of one's lot and make the best of it.

Yes, its a little part-time job. I chose the words, yes I agree. As compared to my DH's job it is a little part-time job.

You should not simply assume that just because I used those words that life is absolutely fantastic financially wise in this house. It isn't. It was you that assumed and incorrectly, obviously.

And neither do I see it as 'good fortune' - I see it as keeping ourselves afloat in a way that works with DH and I.

I also don't have a partner who can help distract my kids for me whilst I work, hence why I stated the hours I work. It's quite nice working during the night actually. The peace and quiet (apart from the odd snoring or farting noise coming from our bedroom or the kids rooms!) is really quite nice when I've had a noisy busy house beforehand. Suits me just fine...and if I'm really lucky and get my work done and returned back to the warehouse I may even get a bit of shut eye whilst the kids are being distracted at school!

gosh whispys job doesn't sound part time to me..she is doing fulltime SAHM and working 9-2 on top of that ...whispy you are doing 1 1/2 jobs!! Your DH is lucky!

happywomble .. yea but it keeps the wolf, I mean the bailiffs, from the door and it means I can be around at home if either of the kids are ill and with one of my daughters a regular passenger in the odd passing ambulance and resident at the hospital its quite handy being around at home so I can tend to her needs too. All good fun! Just more grey hair as a result tho.

this has taken a bit of an unpleasant competitive i have it harder than you

you know what we all have our demands (financial,social,family)and largely they reflect our unique situations

the current economic downturn is stressful for everyone.nit picking over who has it worse is plain weird

also the xenia bashing is tiresome.you may not likey her views or her alleged lifestyle but no need to name her for derision.i imagine her world feels very real as it is her lived experience.

Well some men are able to keep women they exploit, make the woman do most child care, housework and have her work and women tolerate that often because they are economically dependnent on the man because they didn't sit down as teenagers and think I'd like to be able to afford school fees, a nice house etc and or didn't work hard at school.

But as I say to my 3 at university stage luck plays a big part too. One is applying for jobs just now. Part of who she will do will be very good exam results, social skills, to an extent class, looks, interesting CV/hobbies but also playing a large part is luck. Her sister applied 2 years ago. She's applying now. Huge difference given the financial collapse and that's chance really as is whether the person who reads your application in a bad mood or whatever.

Anyone can live on £100k a year if they cut back but some of wouldn't choose to do that. Women have power and skills and can earn a fortunre and many are held back simply because of limitation they put on themselves, thinking I am only as good as £5 an hour or whatever.

Nobody, not even my x, exploited me to the same degree my former employer exploited me.

I think I know more women who are exploited by their husbands who are working than women who are exploited by their husbands and are not working. Working is no guarantee that you are not exploited. A healthy self-esteem, lots of skills and knowing what you want out of life and what you want to give your family is much better protection against exploitation.

Ooh it's like the Yorkshiremen sketch on here - "Tha were lucky". Anyone getting up before they go to bed yet, then tramping to t'pit?

Whispey , and again.
When you first posted I thought you were praising the delights of not working but I now see you work and run the home.
I hope your DH realises how much you do and worships your whispey ass for it

Find this thread interesting. Similar discussions are usually had in my house i.e. where does all the money go? DH is not on 100k but when we are both working our income is high compared to most. I know we are very lucky. I'm currently on the unpaid part of maternity leave.... We live in the South East everything is expensive and I don't know how it works but there have been media stories about the South paying more council tax to 'fund' less affluent areas etc. Can I also point out that higher earners get less child tax credit and no help with childcare. Not saying they should but with the 40% tax rate being set at a comparatively low rate compared to the difference between really high earners and normal managers salary, mortgage cost etc adds up to mean that I can see how the difference would be reduced. Cars use more fuel here sitting in traffic jams on motorways when DP's are on the way home and this makes it impossible sometimes to have a cheap family meal. Food cost then goes up. As does the time people spend at home so end up paying out more in convenience items. Then there are NI contributuions and pensions.

We could relocate I suppose or make our lives more hellish by trading our 3 bed semi for a smaller terrace but with a son with special needs that would be awful. Oh and DH probably wouldn't have a job. However we would have lots of time to shop around (while DS is at school as we can't take him shopping)

We all work hard and we all want to enjoy what we work hard for. Sometimes you wonder what the point is if you work hard and still seem no better off. No idea what the solution is but the point seems to be as suggested by others that actually we are all struggling. Coming to the conclusion that is what life is like and we make the best of it.

Indeed don't get any tax credit at all. I've 5 children and never had a penny of tax credit ever. Never had a penny of child maintenance either. All because I "earn too much".

Well yes, life is a struggle, a veil of tears, via dolorosa etc. Accepting it's not easy and just putting up with it (i.e. psychological resolution rather than economic) can make people happier than thinking they have to have XYZ trinket to keep up with the Joneses and remembering that those people who have everything are more likely to have mental drug and alcohol problems as life loses its point.

The problem with tax credits is that they are in arrears - the 2008/2009 tax credits are based on earnings from 2007/2008.

In my case, I was working until December 2007, but am retraining (unpaid until I qualify). But our 'real income' is not reflected in our tax credit situation....

Ideally the system would be more responsive.

"Anyone can live on £100k a year if they cut back" - that statement is so far removed from the reality of everybody I know (and as a teacher I am by no means "poor")that I can barely comprehend it.

"Anyone can live on £100k a year if they cut back" - that statement is so far removed from the reality of everybody I know (and as a teacher I am by no means "poor")that I can barely comprehend it.

It has astonished me so much that I even posted it twice!

Litchick...

No, I wasn't praising the delights of not working. I wish I didn't have to work but unfortunately our overdraft, credit cards and bank loan won't allow that. TBH we've always been crap with money and only recently have we really addressed our financial state, which was quite shocking, and we now run within a budget that we can afford rather than keep buying stuff we can't.

I would dearly love to go out and get a 'normal' job - ie something that'll fit in with school runs and two children, but unfortunately, my eldest daughter has recently had a second spell of time in hospital and so to keep a job going that involves working during a normal day would be impossible to keep, hence why I work from home and during the night-time. Not ideal but every penny I earn helps.