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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be fed up about never having any money even though DH earns (just) over £100k?

589 replies

MakemineaGandT · 26/11/2008 21:15

I know it sounds like a lot, but with a big mortgage and all the other usual bills we have very little disposable cash.

We don't have a cleaner or any other kind of help

Neither of us has had any new clothes for at least 18 months

We spend £100 a week on groceries, so hardly extravagant

We haven't been on holiday for 3 years

We do all DIY etc ourselves

We've been out twice this YEAR

I just don't know how we can cut back. It feels as though we are working so hard and yet we are always struggling.

It makes me really annoyed when I see comments (for example on that taxing over £150k thread) about the "super rich") - I guess on paper we look "rich" but it certainly doesn't feel like it!

OP posts:
EachPeachPearMum · 27/11/2008 22:09

domesticslattern excellent post.
I just do not understand the way some people think that they are 'entitled' to whatever they want, and deserve it.
Janeite I am frequently staggered by what teenagers think are essentials, and that you are depriving or abusing them if you dare to suggest they might not get one.

Having to work to earn things rather than just buy them on credit is one of life's most important lessons isn't it?

HeadFairy · 27/11/2008 22:12

What's even more depressing is how far out of wack some people's priorities are, large expensive car on hp, big flatscreen tv bought on a credit card, lots of expensive designer clothes, but a shithole of a house. Now to me it doesn't matter where you live, but to spend loads of money on silly transient things is so wasteful, whereas investing in a property/having somewhere decent to live is so much more important, plus it appreciates in value. Even considering the current housing market, over ten years a property will only increase in value. You can't say that of a car or clothes can you?

hatwoman · 27/11/2008 22:14

I've started on charity shops too - not particularly out of necessity but because I increasingly hate the brash flash bling feeling of my town centre. Bought a lovely wool skirt for a fiver recently. dh and I could have got a mortgage 2, 3 or probably more times what we did. but instead of a mega house we chose to get a medium one with a mortgage that we could pay off well before we retire. we're lucky in that the medium house is v. nice and we don't hanker after more. security, the chance to have holidays without getting the credit card out, and the opportunity to work less is so much more valuable (what would xenia say...)

gracie101 · 27/11/2008 22:14

Well it's time for a short sharp lesson for all of them!

I like nice things and living well, but I also know that we can

survive on virtually nothing.

TheLadyEvenstar · 27/11/2008 22:16

Have just read this and oh how sorry I feel for the OP. My dp was made redundant in July and regardless of what he did until today he could not get a job. We have survived on £158 a week since then. And that is with 2 ds's.

We have freshly cooked meals everyday, ds2 has a fresh supply of nappies and wipes, ds1 has all that he needs as well.

I use cloth nappies, washable wipes, this sure saves a hell of a lot.

Today for dinner we had steak, Tomorrow we have pork strips and veg.

We went on holiday in September and are off on holiday next May.

If we can do it on our menial income then I am sure OP can manage on their income.

TheLadyEvenstar · 27/11/2008 22:18

Oh and I clothe us all as well. But then I am not too proud to shop in charity shops or mumsnet

In fact I am pleased I can do all I want and need and still have money left for days out.

And we run a car as well.

hatwoman · 27/11/2008 22:19

and I deliberately deprive my children of things I can actually afford, because, I tell them, they are expensive. I just believe so strongly that it's bad bad bad for them to grow up thinking that it's ok to spend £3-£4 in a cafe on hot chocolate and cake. one or the other. they choose. same with anything really.

TheCrackFox · 27/11/2008 22:21

I do that all the time Hatrick. I don't think it is healthy for DCs to get everything they want. They have everything they need which is a massive difference.

TheLadyEvenstar · 27/11/2008 22:23

Hatwoman, I do this with ds1 as well. DS2 is too young atm to understand lol

TheCrackFox · 27/11/2008 22:24

Sorry, meant to say Hatwoman not Hatrick. My brain has died.

TheLadyEvenstar · 27/11/2008 22:25

lol TheCrack thats what MN does to you i reckon

Judy1234 · 27/11/2008 22:27

I'm sure most parents do but most people get used to a particular income level so it's hard to adjust if it changes.

solo · 28/11/2008 00:17

HeadFairy, I meant I'd go to the breakers for a window. I understand what you are saying re the excess and the pushed up premiums if you make a claim, though claiming for a window breakage/replacement doesn't affect your NCD.

janet75 · 28/11/2008 00:37

Hi All,

I'm moving to the UK soon and this is an interesting topic for me as I am trying to work out the cost of living in London. We have a family of 4 and need nappies etc where is the best place to shop? Any other advice you have on living costs and controlling them would be great.

Thanks!

Judy1234 · 28/11/2008 07:28

Yes, a mortgage is voluntary. I wouldn't have one if my husband hadn't been so abusive I had to divorce him with the result he got nearly £1m and my mortgage is over £1m. Of course we could have moved to a flat as many many families do after divorce so the fact I have a high income and high expenses and school and university fees for 5 children is my choice. I don't think it makes me poor because I always have the option ( assuming houses can sell) of our moving to a much smaller place and putting the chidlren into state schools although many parents on divorce want to preserve the same school and house for chidlren as the one element of stability they can guarantee the children having just in effect "lost" their family.

Nighbynight · 28/11/2008 07:52

I have the smallest car in our row of houses (as well as the most children), and I know that some of the others look down on us. I certainly have a higher income than most of them, in fact it wouldnt surprise me if I were the highest earner in the row.
BUT I OWN MY CAR OUTRIGHT!! so if I lose my job, we won't lose it.

I sympathise somewhat with the OP, because we do tend to get used to whatever income we have got, but she should be able to get a grip and adjust if circumstances change.

KateF · 28/11/2008 10:09

I have to say that £500 would nowhere near cover a months bills! Utilities alone are £260 before you add in council tax, insurances, car payments. Unfortunately these are mostly (not entirely) things you have no choice about paying. I know quite a few people who just cannot afford insurance but we choose to have it.

buktus · 28/11/2008 10:18

Head fairy - how on earth is your council tax £100 month that is so cheap

whispywhisp · 28/11/2008 10:26

Xenia...if a mortgage is voluntary...what are my other options then?

I would love to not have a mortgage but renting would cost the same and we have zero points to apply for a Council/Housing property.

So do you mean our other option would be...um...errr....a tent?! But, presumably, I'd have to find a kindly farmer who wouldn't charge me anything to pitch it otherwise we'd have site fees too?

morningpaper · 28/11/2008 10:32

My council tax is not much more than £100 a month - if you live in a small house in a crap town you don't get charges much

Utilities alone are £260

You need to change suppliers if that is the case.

KateF · 28/11/2008 10:35

No need for the , bills are gas £198, electricity £98 and water £68. Am looking into changing suppliers but on uswitch there is little difference.

whispywhisp · 28/11/2008 10:38

morningpaper...I think you'll find alot of people are paying utility bills in the region of £200-£250 per month. Ours alone is £150 (gas, elec and water) and ours is relatively low compared to a lot. Changing suppliers isn't always the answer either. Cutting back on their useage is. As for council tax - ours is £118 for a Band C property and I don't live in a crap house in a crap town - charges depend on your Council as well as where you live - ie town/countryside.

souroldtrout · 28/11/2008 10:43

If you feel like this on that salary you need to rethink your expectations, or your mortgage, or both. I can't understand where all your money is going, esp. if you're not paying school fees.

Our household income is about the same. We rent our house (£1900 a month) and have two children in expensive private schools. Our priority is education, saving as much as we can (so that DH won't have to work til he drops) and having a good holiday in the summer. We choose to live within walking/cycling distance of almost everything we need, so I only use the car two or three times a week (carpool school run for one child) - spent £30 on petrol in the last 6 weeks and the car is a cheap secondhand one. DH and I commute to work by bike. We buy few clothes and shoes, often Ebay/charity shop or in sales. We don't drink much, or go out much, or buy stuff, really. We spend quite a lot on food (more than £500 a month) because that is our 'leisure activity' and mostly local/seasonal/organic stuff. We never expected to have as much money as we have, so apart from a brief few years of madness when we exceeded our means, we carry on living in the fairly modest way we did when we had no money. Our children do chores, get a bit of pocket money, and we don't buy them stuff. As Hatwoman was saying further up, they have to learn the value of things and not be wasteful. At the weekend we do lots of walks/free museums etc. We almost never go shopping, and certainly not as a recreational activity.

We live in a really affluent area but I think that if you hold firm to your thrifty ways people will respect you for that, and you will find likeminded people. When I look back to our slightly crazy period when the children were small, I wonder what was wrong with us. The relief now of owing nothing, being lucky enough to have money in the bank is huge. And knowing that if the economy does go even more pear shaped we could live on a lot less and not really feel worse off ... priceless, as the advert says...

sep1712 · 28/11/2008 10:44

I know your going to get a roasting but i can understand where your coming from (a little).
I work nights, hubby works days with a reasonable income. We are only just keeping are heads above water.No holidays execpt a week thanks to the Sun.
This seems unfair when my sister lives on the state, single parent in a council house. They always have new thngs, go out etc..
But because we both work, own our house etc she thinks were rich!!!

glasgowstyle · 28/11/2008 10:44

Xenia - you have a mortgage for a million - what house do you live in?