to not want to go?

[claw3]

Ny DH is having his Christmas work do in Manchester and his work are paying for a hotel for the night, he has asked me to go.

Problem is that i am not actually invited to the dinner and dance, so it will mean i will be staying in the hotel room on my own until he gets back. He has said that we could pay for an extra night and spend Saturday together, but this would involved getting up very, very early on the Sunday morning to get back to London for a family get together.

I have suggested that we could book a hotel another time and spend time together, but he now has the hump and thinks im being unreasonable.

What do you guys think?

i think its sweet.

YANBU
Doesn't sound like my idea of fun sitting in hutchlike hotel room while they have knees up and then he reels back reeking of drink.
No sirrreeee.

Claw, take the chance while you can! I know I would. And while he is out you could always find something to do....

Don't go . Don't even think about letting yourself be treated this badly by your DH...

it's your choice - apart from anythign else he will probably roll in at 2am pissed and amarous and have a hangover all day saturday. It would have to be a very nice hotel indeed to make me put myself through that.

Is it being treated badly though Anna?

I've sometimes gone to work stuff with dh and vice versa. One stays and messes in pool with kids or has nice meals while the other works.

It's the piss up factor that would irritate me (not that anything wrong with piss up but tedious when one not involved.)

I know its a lovely thought and we dont get the chance often (lack of babysitters). I would much rather 'save' our babysitter for a time when we can spend the whole weekend together without having to rush around.

Spending all evening in some totally charmless hotel room in Manchester waiting for your DH to come in tired and probably drunk from a work do is letting yourself be treated VERY badly.

Spending all day in a pool with your children (or shopping in Milan while your DH works is something quite different...

I wouldn't go, I'd feel quite sour about sitting in the hotel room knowing my partner was partying. OF course it isn't his fault but it would make me feel like a bit of a sap IYKWIM?

I would go away another time together when you can have quality time together, the situation seems a bit stressful to me.

If I were you and decided to go, I would make sure I had someone to meet up with, or something to go and do by myself for a treat. As it happens I love Manchester so would have no problem finding lovely things to do, but if you're going to be cooped up with the minibar waiting for drunk dh in "work friends mode" to come back, I wouldn't go.

YANBU - I had this a few years back with my then DP (now DH) His works had some sort of do at a posh hotel in London and he wanted me to come up and spend time with him. I ended up sitting in the hotel room, clock watching and fuming eating crappy room service food whilst he was downstairs as the 'lads' black tie posh dinner.
Insist on a nice weekend away together another time when he has no other commitments!

I think it depends on how nice the hotel was. If it's a top-end one with wi-fi then I think I could manage very nicely having a long relaxing bath, then sprawling on the kingsize bed watching a huge flat screen tv sipping room service champagne and nibbles whilst MNing with no DH or DC interuptions.

Yes I would def go.
A few hours alone reading a book, having a bath sounds good to me!

Kitbit - DH phoned me this morning, with his 'last chance to change your mind' speech. I will no doubt get the silent, while banging things around and making snide remarks treatment, when he gets home!

So now, not only will i not be going, i will be hoping he chokes on his Christmas pudding!

I think some of the reactions are a little over the top.

Its a nice thought and possibly made out of wanting you to feel involved/not left out/not to complain about him going.

The question is do you want to go? Answer no.

So thanks DH but I'll take a raincheck is the response I would suggest.

Tell him you'll come but you're bringing the kids!!!

It would only be worth going if (as others have said) it's the sort of hotel where you could have a nice time watching films and drinking room service champagne - and you are the sort of person who would enjoy a few hours peace and quiet in luxury surroundings - or if you were able to sort out something nice to do for yourself that evening (meet friends, go to the pictures etc).
But sitting in some cramped B&B with a book waiting for him to come home from a piss-up sounds like no fun at all. Why on earth does he want you to go in the first place when he's going to go out and party without you? Is it a control thing in that he wants to make sure you're not having fun while he's away?

I get your point of view, but I think I can also see why your DH is miffed that you didn't leap at the chance of a night alone with him without the DC, when that's something you/he don't often get the chance of.

Could you make some definite plans for when you will be able to get a weekend away together? I know it can be very hard when you don't have babysitters on tap, but it is important for relationships to still manage some quality time together without the children, to remind yourselves why you got together in the first place.

If you have a clear, better, alternative in mind then that would be something nice to look forward to for both of you.

Solid - I have 3 kids, so i doubt he would worry about me having fun!!

The hotel is being paid for by his work, so i doubt luxurious, although i must admit i didnt ask anything about the hotel. I love time on my own, but i thought it kinda defeated the object of the weekend away.

I think he was counting on a 'dirty' weekend away!

Do you know the name of the hotel, maybe someone will know whether or not it's any good? But I can understand why you don't want to go.

Yes! Tell us which hotel and those of us who know Manchester can tell you if it's worth going!

Do you know for sure though that he would stay out boozing with his work mates all night long and then nurse a hangover next day instead of paying attention to you?

If it was my dh that had made that suggestion, I would definately go, whether it was a luxury hotel or not, because I know that he would ditch the others and come spend time with me as soon as he could, and it would probably hopefully end up as a "dirty" weekend.

AMIS - I already suggest to DH that if he wants to book a weekend away where we can spend the whole weekend together i would be happy to go. A weekend that doesnt involve, him going out and me sitting in, or getting up at 5.30 Sunday morning to get back to London.

He is now sulking and taking it all rather personally.

PS if it were me I would probably go, I love going to hotels, food and drinks on tap, what I want to watch on telly, nice bath, whatever I want to do and then DH comes in at the right time too