Can I just check - would you leave your dcs with someone you'd never met?

[FromGirders]

Want to run this by the collective before I dig my heels in completely. Will try to include everything so as not to drip-feed.
FIL (with whom I have a strained relationship) wants to have a 60th dinner / party. It will be at a particular hotel, his friends / acquaintances will have to stay at the hotel while our family stay at their house and he will find "someone from the hotel or the village" to babysit. Depending on the timing this may involve putting dcs (5 & 4) to bed. We will never have met this person before - there may be a chance to meet them for about 10 minutes during the afternoon or something. It will be an acquantance of ILs, not someone from an agency or anything.
Given that this event will involve the dcs having to make a 3 hour car journey there on a Saturday and then again to go home the next day, they're only going to se their gps for a couple of hours each day, and they'll be busy with their grown up friends.
I'd rather organise a sleepover for the dcs with friends, or get their auntie / my parents to come and look after them. This may well cause offence - AIBU??

I'd leave the kids with a babysitter approved by the hotel who I'd never met before, but not a random person with no childcare credentials.

Sometimes baby alarms work in hotels, some distance from the rooms. We booked a v expensive babysitter for our DD1 when we went to a wedding a few years ago, then found the groom's bro had just rigged up his baby alarm from home, and it worked a treat.

YANBU imo. But he is expecting that you will think that anyone who is ok with him is ok with you and they probably would be. I think if the children aren't invited and it's an evenign do it's fair enough to leave them with your parents.

Can I just say, you need a CRB check to work with children and a complete stranger is possibly going to look after your dc? Have I got this right?

Why would it cause offence? It is obviously not a child-friendly event, could you leave them at home and see the GPs another time?

I totally agree and would never leave my dd and ds (8 and 4) with a stranger even if it is someone known by your FIL. For all you know they could be a paedophile ..... A sleepover would mean you could enjoy your evening without the constant worry of who is with them. What does your dh think ? Is he happy for them to be left with a stranger and how do you think the dc will feel ? Why do you think it would it cause offence with your FIL ? Wouldn't it be better to arrange a time for your dc to visit your FIL when he won't be entertaining friends/acquaintances ?

I'd have done the baby alarm thing when they were little and in a travel cot, but not now that they are big enough to be geting out of bed and wandering around.
PB - I guess what it comes down to is that I don't actually trust my fil's judgement at all.

am with cocodrillo - someone checked/experienced is one thing -not random type so in circs yanbu

YANBU, why would you want someone you don't know or for that matter have never met before looking after your young DC's? I am sure you wouldn't let any Tom, Dick or Harry look after them under normal circumstances.
Just tell them that they have been invited to a birthday sleep over at one of their friends houses and they really want to go.
Your PIL may think they are doing you a favor by organising your childcare for you but they could be relieved that it is one less set of kids they have to worry about getting someone to babysit.
What does you DH/DP think about you IL's proposed arrangement?

I would organise sleepover or something and explain that the journey is just too long and that FIL will be occupied with friends on this occasion.

I would leave them at home, save them the long car journey and let them have a fun weekend with friends or family that they love.

I don't mind leaving the DC with a babysitter but would prefer to have some say in the matter. What if you arrive and your FIL has chosen someone that you really don't want to leave your DC with? That would cause much more offence.

I wouldn't leave them with someone they'd had no chance to get to know, unless that was someone from an agency or service so had been checked out and had a lot of experience.

It doesn't sound much fun for them anyway - personally I'd go with them staying with friends or your parents, and make arrangements for them to see GPs some other time.

I wouldn't take them. The idea of leaving my DCs to be put to bed by someone we've never met just doesn't appeal. I am sure they would be "ok" - it is just that my DCs would want to know their babysitter. sounds like it is an evening do for adults. why bother taking the children all the way? If i have read correcly, you are staying in house, and not in hotel, so baby monitor woulnd't be appropriate?

I would be happier having the DC at the hotel with a listening service and/or baby alarm, personally - then they could join the party for a little while before you take them off to bed, and you are there if needed. Could you sell this to FIL as you making way for someone else to stay at the house?

Alternatively either leave them at home/with friends or insist on an agency babysitter.

No, you need to be happy and you are right not to be IMO a sitter from the hotel will be CRB checked, any other stranger would be a massive risk unless a child-care proffesional. Arrange a sleep over and say that you will bring DCs at a time when the GPs can spend quality time with them, perhaps in the holiday early next year?

If it causes offence then you need to be aware that they are thinking of themselves before the GC and stick to your guns - calmly. Use that special mother voice that says "I know you are upset but I am as solid as the Wall of China on this so forget arguing with me"

I wouldn't care what the FIL thought of me. For goodness sake, the sitter could be a nutter! As a parent, we put our kids first, not our bl FIL!

I'd feel a bit odd about someone I'd never met putting the kids to bed too, whether or not they were from an agency. I'd rather put them to bed myself if need be, then leave them with the sitter and be late for the do.

Would you give your house keys, bank details, credit cards, pin numbers, money pass codes to a total stranger? Would you?

Thank you for all replies. I didn't think I was BU. The event is a few months away, so we'll be able to work round it.
cheeset, thank you for your concern, but yes I am aware of crb checks / disclosures - I am a CM. As such I an hyper-aware of safety / security / risk assessments, and just wanted to check that my reaction was a standard issue mummy one.

no way would i leave my kids with someone i didnt know.IS YOUR FIL SENILE???

why are your dc not invited??? nice grandparents,NOT!!!! ID TELL THEM TO SHOVE THEIR PARTY UP THEIR ARS*S, sounds like it will be boring old farts anyway, family do with no kids isnt fun.

Can we all calm down a bit here.

Ok, a babysitter chosen by a FIL that the OP does not get on with is not ideal.

But the hysteria on this thread is a bit OTT.

Are all your babysitters CRB checked?

Is anyone else a bit wary of the whole CRB thing? I live on the continent and there are no CRB checks here but we manage to protect our children to the best of our ability.

Don't think I'd be happy with what your FIL is suggesting. But I do leave ds with people I've never met before, through a babysitting agency. They only use people who are CRB checked and teachers/nannies/childminders/nursery assistants. Some of the other mums at school work for them so I'm comfortable with the set up.

Could you contact Sitters? That's the agency I use. You have to pay a membership fee, though.

MmeLindt - Yes they are, they are also qualified in childcare to at least NVQ2 and have a current first aid certificate.

I would not leave my child during the day with someone unqualified and un-checked so why on earth would I think it is ok to do that at night? It defys logic IMO!

Ok, then it is just us mad continentals then