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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this mother is being a bit precious?

56 replies

cali · 22/11/2008 16:34

Dd 1 was supposed to have gone to a birthday party this afternoon.
The mum of the child whose birthday it was phoned me a couple of hours before the party was due to start and had the following conversation with me.
"How's dd1 after her chickenpox last week?"

I reply, "Fine, spots are all scabbed over and are beginning to disappear'

She then asks if I could hide the scabs as one of the other mums whose dc's are also going to the party is completely paranoid about her children coming into contact with any illness whatsoever.
She said I know dd1 isn't infectious any longer but this person really wont be happy if she sees any sign of chickenpox.

Dd1 had chickenpox everywhere and has several large scabs on her face as well as numerous small scabs, there is no way i could cover them up and I was not about to put makeup on a 3 year old to hide the fact she had recently had chickenpox.

So, dd1 who is now completely well, missed her friend's party, all because of this silly mother and her paranoia.

Just needed to have a rant as when I told dd1 she couldn't go, she was really upset and said "but mummy, I've been a good girl"

probably abu, but felt ever so slightly p'd off about this.

OP posts:

TheArmadillo · 22/11/2008 16:36

why was it your child didn't get to go and not the parents of the paranoid mum?

TheArmadillo · 22/11/2008 16:36

*children, obviously, not parents.

I keep doing that today.

belgo · 22/11/2008 16:37

that's ridiculous, I would have just taken her.

Original poster

cali · 22/11/2008 16:37

because I think it was a joint party unfortunately.

OP posts:

mumoverseas · 22/11/2008 16:38

oh your poor DD. She must have been so upset. I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. Like you say, she is not infectious anymore. Just shows how ignorant some people are. I hope you can find a way to make it up to your DD.

TheNewsMonger · 22/11/2008 16:39

That's awful. You should forward the nhs link about cp to your friend, "here, just thought you might be interested in this for future reference..." (durr brain)

The other mum is being unrealistic if she thinks her children won't catch CP at some point. It's going to happen. Get it over with I'd say!

My youngest got it before first birthday. Bless his little face, only a mohter could have loved it!! but I wouldn't have put concealor on him.

sparklestickchick · 22/11/2008 16:39

In all honesty I wouldnt have sent my child to a party with chickenpox scabs still all over them,I know your little girl is well and not infectious any more but I still wouldnt have sent them.

Original poster

cali · 22/11/2008 16:41

I know I should have just taken her but dd2 was also invited and as she is still within the 20 day incubation period and because I was bit at being told this, I actually didn't feel like going.

So, we went to the Zoo instead and she seemed to forget about the party.

OP posts:

TheNewsMonger · 22/11/2008 16:41

Sparkle, at 6, my dc1 wouldn't want to go if she got CP, but luckily she got them at nearly 3. So she didn't really feel self-conscious about it.

The precious mother is going to over protect her children that they'll get it when they're in their early teens and they'll be so self conscious about it!

Guitargirl · 22/11/2008 16:42

Is it possible this mum was blaming another mum for being paranoid when it might have been something else altogether?

E.g. when I was in early stages of pregnancy with this baby I had arranged to host an afternoon tea with a load of friends and their children at our place. One of the children was just recovering from an illness which was highly contagious but fairly innocuous in small children. BUT I read that it can cause miscarriage and birth defects in early pregnancies if the Mum is exposed in first trimester. I didn't want to risk it so I ended up making an excuse and cancelling the whole thing as I could hardly just ask one mum and child not to come. They still don't know the real reason I cancelled.

Original poster

cali · 22/11/2008 16:43

DOH exclusion time once spots have appeared for children attending nursery/school is 10 days. Once this has passed they are no longer at risk of infecting anyone else, so there was no need for her not to go.

OP posts:

OhYouBadBadKitten · 22/11/2008 16:45

is that right cali? The receptionist at dds old infant school told people it was 5 days after first spots appeared. dd still not had it yet though.

Original poster

cali · 22/11/2008 16:47

Dd1's playgroup say 5 days as well, but the list of illnesses and exclusion times that her nursery gave me says 10 days and that the info came from the DOH.

OP posts:

Guitargirl · 22/11/2008 16:48

But as you said your DD2 may be about to come out in spots any day now. Am just thinking that's it not just about the children at the party but if one of the mums is pregnant?

ScummyMummy · 22/11/2008 16:49

That's rubbish. Poor dd. I was asked to leave a playground by an ignoramus parent when I visited with scabbed over non-infectious twins, so I really sympathise.

Original poster

cali · 22/11/2008 16:49

No, she specifically mentioned this mother would panic if she saw dd1's face.

OP posts:

TheNewsMongrel · 22/11/2008 16:57

Guitar girl could be on to something there I think.....

Original poster

cali · 22/11/2008 17:12

I know that as far as my friend is concerned, there is no reason for dd1 to have been excluded. I could easily have left dd2 at home with dh and my friend knew this.

It really was just because of this mum's paranoia, she won't take her dc's to soft play in the winter in case they catch something.

OP posts:

RustyBear · 22/11/2008 17:17

But if the other children at the party are from the same area/nursery/whatever as your DDs, they could all be happily incubating chickenpox themselves & this mum would be none the wiser.

Original poster

cali · 22/11/2008 17:20

That is what is so silly about the whole situation!

OP posts:

guyFAwkesreQuiem · 22/11/2008 17:26

Sparkle - I hope you don't have a mixed race child...........they are more prone to hyperpigmentation - which means it can take literally years for the places where the spots were to fade. DS1 and 2 (but particularly DS2) still have the marks all over their body from when they had chickenpox - they are fading now - but very slowly.................and they had them just before DS3 was born - he is nearly 18 months old!!!!

grumpalina · 22/11/2008 17:39

My brother was 35 when he got chickenpox and I wouldn't have wished it on my worst enemy. He was really, really ill for several weeks and now has permanent scarring all over his face.

Consequently I was desparate for my DSs to get it as young as possible. DS1 was two and half and despite suffering eczema it was a complete non event and his eczema actually improved during and after. DS2 was nearly 4 and he had it slightly worse but again not a big issue.

I think children should get their illnesses over and done with when young DS1 was ill probably once a month for about a year when he first went to nursery at 6months but has been indredibly healthy ever since. He's in year 4 at school now and never had a day off sick!!

littleboyblue · 22/11/2008 17:43

Your poor dd. I think the other mum and her dc shouldn't have gone.
It's better to get chickenpox when your younger anyway isn't it?
But to stop you going to the party is ridiculous. If she is that paro then I imagine her and dd don't leave the house between october and april incase she gets the sniffles!
Everyone knows that once scabbed it's not infectious so if she turned up and had a prob, she could leave. If more than 3 parents had an issue, then maybe fair enough to stay away but not for 1.

Done now, but you ANBU

piscesmoon · 22/11/2008 17:45

My mother tried her best to put me with children with chickenpox when I was young! Sadly it failed and when I got it as a teenager I had it really badly. The DC of the 'precious' mother should have been the one to miss out, if she refuses to understand when it is at the infectious stage.

sparklestickchick · 22/11/2008 17:45

FAQ no my children are all fair ish,i wasnt being offensive saying that before tho i just meant if you pardon the expression i wouldnt take a child with scabs all over them to a party.

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