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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this mother is being a bit precious?

56 replies

cali · 22/11/2008 16:34

Dd 1 was supposed to have gone to a birthday party this afternoon.
The mum of the child whose birthday it was phoned me a couple of hours before the party was due to start and had the following conversation with me.
"How's dd1 after her chickenpox last week?"

I reply, "Fine, spots are all scabbed over and are beginning to disappear'

She then asks if I could hide the scabs as one of the other mums whose dc's are also going to the party is completely paranoid about her children coming into contact with any illness whatsoever.
She said I know dd1 isn't infectious any longer but this person really wont be happy if she sees any sign of chickenpox.

Dd1 had chickenpox everywhere and has several large scabs on her face as well as numerous small scabs, there is no way i could cover them up and I was not about to put makeup on a 3 year old to hide the fact she had recently had chickenpox.

So, dd1 who is now completely well, missed her friend's party, all because of this silly mother and her paranoia.

Just needed to have a rant as when I told dd1 she couldn't go, she was really upset and said "but mummy, I've been a good girl"

probably abu, but felt ever so slightly p'd off about this.

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 22/11/2008 17:45

if the spots had scabbed over then they are not infectious

thought everyone knew that cp is most infectious/contagious before they spots appear

so prob likely they if all the children had been playing together at school/nursery etc, then they will prob get it

but yes there could have been another reason,such as mum was pregnant etc?

maybe invite the girl whose party it was over for a speacial tea/play at yours or see if the mum will have a speacial tea at her for your dd

TheNewsMongrel · 22/11/2008 17:46

I think my dd has that hyperpigmentation thing too. (she's 1/4 mixed race if that is a term?) But I had noticed that when she cuts herself, it seems to heal up in a different shade. Not a scar, though, as it's smooth, but it is def slightly darker and slightly pinker than her skin tone. LUckily none on her face. But she's such a daredevil. Waht can you do?!

TheNewsMongrel · 22/11/2008 17:46

sorry for thread hijack.

TheNewsMongrel · 22/11/2008 17:47

I'm now laughing at the ridiculous of myself having said 1/4 mixed race.

guyFAwkesreQuiem · 22/11/2008 17:49

sorry sparkle - didn't mean to sound snappy - I just get fed up with people that meet the DS's for the first time saying "oooo have they just had chickenpox"

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo they haven't just had them it was frigging 19 months ago PMSL.

sparklestickchick · 22/11/2008 17:51

tis ok faq i just didnt wanna offend you

nkweto · 22/11/2008 20:01

slight highjack, I am mixed race and although I have never had CP my brother did as an adult . Would prefer my DS to have CP as a child if at al possible as well.. as an adult is a horrible illness

My brother was initially very badly scarred. Pure Aloe Vera jelly all over his body for a few months.. his skin is now completely clear.. may have been conicidental (sp?) but may be worth a try..

guyFAwkesreQuiem · 22/11/2008 20:37

thanks- but it's not actually scarring - it's just hyperpigmentation - where the pigment in the skin takes a while to go back to it's "proper" colour

ilovemydog · 22/11/2008 20:44

Tell paranoid mom next time that some people have chicken pox parties so that their Dcs get the virus sooner rather than later.

Silly woman

bonnycat · 22/11/2008 20:53

YABU My DD has a heart defect,is on aspirin and chicken pox would be very dangerous for her.
A bad cold could lead to her being very ill or worse.
Are you sure this isnt the same for the other mother?
I would say i am "paranoid" about illness too but thats because of the effect it could have on DD.

Original poster
cali · 22/11/2008 21:01

My friend whose daughter's party it was, thought about coming over to my house whilst dd1 was still infectious so her 9 month old baby could be exposed to the chickenpox virus.

This other mother has always had problems with illness but is not helping her dc's at all. What will happen when they go to school?
She will not be able to keep them off when there is a chance that they may become exposed to a child who is ill.
I would never put a pregnant woman at risk of congenital varicella as I have seen the damage it can cause to a baby.

My friend knew my daughter was no longer infectious but instead of reassuring the other mother that there was absolutely no risk of her being contagious, preferred her not to attend the party.

OP posts:
bonnycat · 22/11/2008 21:01

Sorry,that sounded harsh.
I do sympathise but just wanted to put forward another point of view.
As a parent of a child with CHD i live with the fear of "a cold" or other childhood illness making my DD very ill.
Bronchiolitis could kill her.
Winter is a nightmare for us as bugs are rife everywhere.
I know people would call me paranoid but there is a reason...
Im sorry for your DD missing the party though .

Original poster
cali · 22/11/2008 21:04

bonnycat, if you had read my posts, you would have realised that my daughter was no longer infectious.
She was well passed the 5/10 exclusion period set by nurseries and schools.
If there was any risk that she would have still posed a risk to others, I would not have started this thread.

OP posts:
bonnycat · 22/11/2008 21:13

I understood that your daughter could be incubating CP?
Just expressing my POV...

ilovemydog · 22/11/2008 21:18

like I said...

Original poster
cali · 22/11/2008 21:19

I should have added that I can completely understand your reluctance for your dd to come into contact with any child who is ill. I would feel exactly the same.

My issue is a well child was stopped from attending a party because she still had some scabs on her face that I would not have been able to hide.

OP posts:
Original poster
cali · 22/11/2008 21:20

No, my youngest daughter MAY be incubating the virus, who I would have left at home with dh.
She's only 1 and I don't think a bouncy castle party would have been appropriate for her to attend.

OP posts:
bonnycat · 22/11/2008 21:24

You are obviously convinced YANBU so why ask?
Actually in this situation i agree with you but just wanted to point out that there could be a reason for the other mum's "paranoia"

Original poster
cali · 22/11/2008 21:34

I admit that if my daughter was still infectious, then yes I would be unreasonable to expect her to be able to attend a party.

But she is not and has not been now for nearly a week. It can take several weeks for all the scabs to fall off but children do not have to be kept in isolation whilst this happens.

I work in an area where we come into contact with exceptionally vulnerable patients and we have to provide evidence that we have had previous contact with the chickenpox virus.
I contacted my work when my daughter was diagnosed, they have been happy for me to continue working, my friend works in the same area and has the same understanding,but as I said earlier, my daughter is not infectious but because she has been left with some marks on her face, she was not allowed to attend a party.

The other mother's children are well, she just can not cope with the idea that they may come into contact with children that are ill.

OP posts:
Littleladyloulou · 22/11/2008 21:52

Sorry cali, but TBH I think you're being a bit precious yourself.

Not everyone wants their DCs to come into contact with CP or a child recovering from DC. Maybe it would be a bad time for their DC to catch CP, so whereas they can't avoid it randomly happening, they don't want to present themselves to it right now either. Maybe they are pregnant. Maybe they are one of those people who haven't had CP yet (I didn't have it til I was 22) and are paranoid about catching it because it's so awful for an adult.

Either way, YABU if you aren't considering that other people simply don't feel the same way about CP and your DD as you do. I understand it's not perfect but it's one party out of a thousand for your DD and you seem more bothered than she did by the sound of it.

Littleladyloulou · 22/11/2008 21:57

PS. You are annoyed at the wrong person!

I would direct your annoyance at the party host. She could/should have managed the situation better and told the other mum how things were and offered her the option of not attending as there would be a child who is not contagious but is still bearing the marks of CP.

As it was the party host chose you as the one who had to go, as it were, not this other paranoid mum.

Original poster
cali · 22/11/2008 21:57

They could not catch chickenpox from my daughter, she was no longer infectious.

If she was, then yes, I abu, but to exclude a healthy child because that is what she is, is unfair.

I'm sorry if you do not agree with me but you can not catch chickenpox from a child who is no longer infectious.

The issue I have is with the mother who was unhappy for a well child to attend a party.

OP posts:
Littleladyloulou · 22/11/2008 21:59

X posts cali!!

Original poster
cali · 22/11/2008 22:05

At the end of the conversation, my friend said that I was just to come as she knew my daughter posed no risk to anyone else but that I would have to hide her, so the other mum did not see her face.

info on chickenpox

don't always have the best luck on getting links to work but fingers crossed.

OP posts:
Original poster
cali · 22/11/2008 22:11

actually Littleladylou, I think you are right. I told my friend as soon as my daughter was confirmed as having chickenpox and as this was a joint party, I think, she also knew the issues this other mother had with children who looked as if they were or had recently been ill.
She should have said there and then about dd1 not attending the party, not wait until the morning of the party to say that even though she was well it might not be the best thing to attend.

OP posts:
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