Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think that some older women put on a bit of an 'old dear' act which is really a cover for selfishness?

76 replies

BoffinMum · 22/11/2008 15:36

I was in the supermarket the other day, struggling a bit, it has to be said, as I have a pregnancy complication that has affected my mobility and causes me a lot of pain. I was forced to stand in the queue at the till while an apparently able bodied woman, probably in her early 70s, made a big fuss about getting her bags packed and her shopping lifted into the trolley, even though I had just seen her by the recycling hoiking great amounts of stuff out of her car boot perfectly happily, like any other normal person.

By the time I got to pay I had been forced to wait 20 minutes in the queue along with everyone else, while she frankly made a huge fuss over a relatively small amount of shopping, with two supermarket employees pandering to her every whim at our expense.

My uncharitable muttering along the lines of "Don't mind me, I'll just stand here and give birth quietly while you finish fussing" was (unsurprisingly) ignored. But I started to feel very irritated by the sheer number of people in this age bracket that do things like fling car doors open to hit me as I walk down the pavement, insist on VIP treatment in supermarkets at the expense of everyone else, and generally try to cash in on their age when they're perfectly fit and healthy really. I've got plenty of older relatives who would not dream of carrying on like this, and I am wondering whether we should all be putting up with it or not.

OP posts:
sixlostmonkeys · 22/11/2008 15:45

If we decide not to put up with it.... what are we going to do??!

Never mind, at least we can look forward to behaving the same way one day

pointydog · 22/11/2008 15:46

people age at different rates. Some people in their early 70s have lost a significant amount of mobility or suffer a significant amount of discomfort on a daily basis.

I think (but it's only a vague personal theory) that being a bit doddery and being in mild pain/diosconfort, must make a lot of people quite irritable and self-focused.

The op does sound harsh so, overall, YABU

weebleswobble · 22/11/2008 15:48

YABU. I think perhaps you shop on the internet in future to avoid coming across the elderly.

deanychip · 22/11/2008 15:50

I think that selfishness is every where and not in any one group of people tbh.

I was at Tesco this morning and the amount of people who have their trolleys side on across the isle while they just stand there browsing while every one else has to wait for them to move infuriates me.

Or who stand round a corner so that you have to go all the way around them into oncoming trollies..they jsut stand there...doing God knows what in every ones way!

Those who walk along taking up the whole pavement so no one can pass.
I could go on and on, its not jsut old ladies, its every one, every where.

fizzpops · 22/11/2008 15:54

I am coming across an increasing number of old women who push in queues ahead of me with the words, 'It's alright dear' and patting my hand. I do find this irritating as it immediately makes me think, 'No, it's not alright', If they said, 'Do you mind if I go first as I can't stand for too long', I would happily let them in. As it is it could be that they just can't be bothered to queue.

Having said that, what can you do without risking making an old lady stand for hours unnecessarily?

Fwiw I don't think YABU but how to tell the difference?

VivaLaPotPourri · 22/11/2008 15:56

Ooooh, don't get me started. I made the mistake of going to Wales by train @ 40 weeks pregnant when Crufts was on, and all the old biddies were taking up all the seats with their dogs. I had to sit on the floor in the corridor. They just shot me dirty looks when I looked down at their little FooFoo taking up a seat!

BitOfFun · 22/11/2008 15:58

Putting up with it? What do you suggest? Shoot 'em? I reckon you are BU, a bit. You will probably go back to being not arsed once you're feeling better.

deanychip · 22/11/2008 15:59

i got a brill text about this the other day:

"i was in Asda with a big shopping trolley full of stuff, loaded up it was.
An old lady was behind me with a pint of milk.

"is that all you have got?" says i.

"yes" she replied sweetly

"Well youd better fuck off and find another check out, im going to be ages with this lot"
LMAO.

whoingodsnamewasi · 22/11/2008 16:01

I was in a supermarket once when an elderly man came up to me, and started ranting about people having IVF, why is it allowed when so many children are inn need of good homes, that if you want a child so badly you should adopt etc etc, he went on and on, I could'nt understand wht he was having a go at me, just assumed he'd read an article or something and was just taking his anger out on the nearest person, but when I was stood waiting to be served, I spotted him again glaring and shaking his head at me, it was then I reaslised he thought I had had IVF as I had dts with me, unbelievable

OrmIrian · 22/11/2008 16:02

Clearly pregnancy is restricting your charity gland

Yes, I guess that many older people can do certain things without help, but with limited reserves of energy why not accept help when it is offered? My mum can do a huge number of things but generally runs out of energy quite soon. If someone offered to help her with her shopping she'd accept very gratefully.

I suspect that there are selfish people in all age-groups. You just happen to have noticed more because life has got harder for you atm. And dare I suggest that the fact that some older people get special treatment and you don't rankles a bit?

StayFrosty · 22/11/2008 16:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

deanychip · 22/11/2008 16:08

no, no takers for that?

Well i thought it was hilarious!

prettybutterfly · 22/11/2008 16:08

Aw BM, you're feeling fragile and a bit up against it. It's not that old people shouldn't get lots of help, but you would love a bit too. I totally understand.

whoingodsnamewasi · 22/11/2008 16:09

deanychip, I just texted it to a friend

deanychip · 22/11/2008 16:09

WOOHOO!
Thanksyou...funny yes?!

snigger · 22/11/2008 16:10

Once you've gotten through seventy-odd years on the planet, I think you're entirely within your rights to be irritated by everyone and be self-indulgent and want to be taken care of.

I'm certainly not going to be holding doors open for whipper snappers in forty years time.

It's not age-dependant, it's just people, people get up your nose. I've seen perfectly healthy men in their thirtys temporarily revert to toddlerhood as they grinningly, helplessly, allow someone to pack their groceries for them.

snigger · 22/11/2008 16:10

Thirties.

whoingodsnamewasi · 22/11/2008 16:11

Oh I give up, he just sent a text back saying, That dont surpise me one bit, I know what you're like

I would like to add that I am not like that

BoffinMum · 22/11/2008 16:14

OK, I admit then IAB a bit U then. Maybe the Christmas spirit will kick in soon, allowing me to float through such interchanges!

OP posts:
pointydog · 22/11/2008 16:15

maybe that's because it doesn't sound anything like a joke, who

pointydog · 22/11/2008 16:16

you see, boffin, you have restructed mobility and are in some pain. You are just like them! You are as grumpy as each other

GrapeJelly · 22/11/2008 16:18

I think that supermarkets just seem to bring out the worst in a lot of people- of all ages. I've frequently seen rudeness that's taken my breath away by young and old, male and female. Am thinking on-line shopping for everything is the way to go.

ThePregnantHedgeWitch · 22/11/2008 16:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

deanychip · 22/11/2008 16:27

of course its a joke bofin, a very funny one too.

Seriously, you dont think that its real do you?

deanychip · 22/11/2008 16:27

sorry, pointydog meant to say.