AIBU to think that some older women put on a bit of an 'old dear' act which is really a cover for selfishness?

[BoffinMum]

I was in the supermarket the other day, struggling a bit, it has to be said, as I have a pregnancy complication that has affected my mobility and causes me a lot of pain. I was forced to stand in the queue at the till while an apparently able bodied woman, probably in her early 70s, made a big fuss about getting her bags packed and her shopping lifted into the trolley, even though I had just seen her by the recycling hoiking great amounts of stuff out of her car boot perfectly happily, like any other normal person.

By the time I got to pay I had been forced to wait 20 minutes in the queue along with everyone else, while she frankly made a huge fuss over a relatively small amount of shopping, with two supermarket employees pandering to her every whim at our expense.

My uncharitable muttering along the lines of "Don't mind me, I'll just stand here and give birth quietly while you finish fussing" was (unsurprisingly) ignored. But I started to feel very irritated by the sheer number of people in this age bracket that do things like fling car doors open to hit me as I walk down the pavement, insist on VIP treatment in supermarkets at the expense of everyone else, and generally try to cash in on their age when they're perfectly fit and healthy really. I've got plenty of older relatives who would not dream of carrying on like this, and I am wondering whether we should all be putting up with it or not.

Gosh!

I never meant to cause such a reaction!

What I meant was - Age is not the reason this woman was rude or demanding or slow. She was just like that. To be critical of someone who displays bad baviour is fine, to blame it on their age is not.

We shouldn't tar all kids with the 'yob' brush just because they wear hoodies, just as we shouldn't tar all old people with the 'doddery and rude' brush just because they are old.

I'm sorry.

I would be interested in why it was offensive though?

I think I am missing something.

I knew what you meant, beanie. And it's a good point.

I misinterpreted your post beanie - I totally see what you mean now.

I was alluding to the fact that some people can be racist because they judge a person on their colour and assue their bad behaviour is somehow purely because of their race.

oh dear. I am really sorry if I am not explaining myself when and it was honestly not my intention to cause any kind of offence.

It's OK beanie. I made a conclusion based on what was there.

I've made loads of fudges on here.

OP - I found that lots of bump rubbing and sighing can convey your predicament pretty well .

Personally, after more then 5 minutes of standing when I had dreadful pelvic anthropothy I would have been loudly summonsing random staff to open a new till. (with threats to break into tears )

I think I understand Beanie's post - the OP does seem to make a general sweep about a large swathe of the population. Perhaps BeanieB was equating [perceived] ageism with racism??

Sorry, cross posts with Beanie.

I am the slowest typist ever.

I am looking forward to being old.

I can shop during the daytime, and meander along getting in everyone's way

I will strike up conversations with random people while checking that the eggs are unbroken

I will frown and grump about irrelevancies important things like plastic bags and dog poo

I will do lots of gardening

I will be abominably rude when I feel like it (well actually I do a bit of that now - just getting into training).

Will be much fun.

I'm going to bugger off to Italy and spit grape pips at the passing tourists, sending every evening drinking wine and eating pizza. Heaven!!!

FGS it was obvious what Beannie meant. This thread has really pissed me off actually. Try being 70 and have random supermarket shoppers being your doctor - ooh, you look fine and hale and hearty to me - well how the hell do you know how hale and hearty she is? You sound like those people who complain that the wrong people have got a blue badge because you can't actually see their disability. FGS.

And your stupid text just isn't funny deanychip. What's hilarious about it? Being unkind to an old woman in a supermarket is automatically cutting edge humour is it? Well it might have been twenty years ago, when the taboo of being respectful about old ladies hadn't been widely broken. Jokes like that relied on the shocked gasp and giggle, because of the taboo breaking. That taboo has been broken so many times, that a joke like that has no shock value any more, and therefore no humour in it. Only the unpleasantness remains.

Still a bit [shocked] at the lack of grace shown on this thread. We of younger years really should show A LOT more grace than is evident. So, someone elderlies work it a bit. Big deal.

To start a thread in cyberspace about it shows a real meaness of spirit.

and I am not willing to show beanbie a latitude until she explains what on earth she means by 'black'.

beanieb - just caught up. See waht you mean and agree! Was a bit at reading it.

Life in general lacks grace, doesn't it?

well, yes often it does unknown, but I fear a lot more than it used to? Being bitter enough about some old woman taking advantage of a situation in a supermarket is pretty mean.

Oh I'm with you, pan.

Life would be so much more pleasant for everyone, if folk were more graceful.

I agree - it would be more pleasant. We could make a start on mumsnet - there are some really horrible threads (not saying this one is horrible). and when challenged all people say is "I'm entitled to my point of view" (or similar). I'm sure that's true, but the whole nature of the site has changed over the last couple of years. there are still many supportive mumsnetters of course.

YABU but you are forgiven as you are pregnant!

To be fair to the OP what she is saying is some old people put on an act to get special treatment not that other people don't do it too.

If it is because they are scared of dying or have looked after people all their lives etc etc why aren't all old people like this?

There are some people old, young, male, female who will take advantage of other people by playing on perceived weaknesses. I don't think the OP is being unreasonable to mention it. In fact it could just make it harder for those people who genuinely need help.

Some old fella approaching me with 2 items, I had a big trolley load of stuff which I had started to load onto the conveyor. I also had a very grumpy baby, who I was trying to console.
I politely directed him to the self scan area saying it would be much quicker for him.
He said, "Well I don't know how to use it!"
So I assured him it was very easy and there is always a member of staff happy to help.
He got the hint.
If I'd been on my own I would have let him jump in front - it was merely the fact that ds was getting increasingly upset(so I was wanting to get done and out asap) and I already had half the shopping on the conveyor that prevented me from doing so.

But I agree with other posters though in saying selfishness is not limited to the elderly. And I definitely recommend online shopping - I use it now but it was a life save when I was very heavily pregnant and just getting in and out of the car was a major struggle!!

Fizzpops, that is indeed what I meant. I think that all people should raise their eyes a bit to look around them at their fellow humans, and be a bit more collaboratively nice in their behaviour, rather than automatically put themselves first at the expense of others.

While I would normally just reflect on such thoughts quietly whilst in such queues, the fact that I was feeling so knackered and fragile made me more than usually irritated, as so many posters have appreciated. I think most of us have been there at some time or other whilst pregnant, or exhausted with young children.

I have been very interested to read the range of opinions everyone has expressed, by the way. MumsNet is a nice safe place to have a sensible debate about anti-social behaviour, and reactions to it. I would not feel that comfortable raising such issues elsewhere, and I think it might have caused a full on kerfuffle in the supermarket queue if I tried to be truly assertive there. So thank you everyone for your thoughts.

I think by that age a lot of people have learned not to give a damn what other people think. As you get older, you get a lot less precious about other people's opinions. I don't put up with anywhere near as much rubbish as I did in my 20s, and likely I will put up with even less when I'm older.

Also, a number of elderly will frequently suffer from dementia, or have had mild strokes etc. You can't always see it, but the effect can be quite staggering. My dad, after his stroke, has become a bit like a 'concentrated' dad. All those annoying habits he had, multiply then by a factor of 10, and there you have him. He has lost the ability to filter some of the behaviour which he was able to filter before his stroke.

Think about all the nasty thoughts you aim at people, and then imagine what it would be like if some of them started escaping??!!!