Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my 27yo SIL is unreasonable? *Looong rant alert*

61 replies

June2009 · 20/11/2008 14:17

To cut a long story short, we have dinner round ours with FIL, BIL and SIL every sunday and although it's really nice to have them round, now that I am close to 12w pregnant it's a bit much to prepare and clean everything even with dh helping out.

Whenever we ask her to come and help she goes in a proper strop, claims that we're accusing her of not helping but that she does (she doesn't) then says that we don't love her, hangs up on dh and texts him saying "I'm not coming".
This has happenend a few times, all prompted by "can you come early and help instead of just turning up when it's ready and complain all the time?" culminating in her dad negociating to actually go and pick her up from home so she would come; that day we'd called her in turn all day to beg her to come as we wanted to announce our pregnancy to close family, by the time they got back everything was cold for everyone and when we told her about the baby she did not show any excitement.

I know she is stressed about her parents divorce but I can't help thinking she is a bit of a princess and she should get over herself.

OP posts:
VictorianSqualor · 20/11/2008 14:19

She's 27?
Are you sure?

louii · 20/11/2008 14:21

Just dont invite her.

RaspberryBlower · 20/11/2008 14:21

I was just going to write the same thing VS - the way you describe her she sounds like a child.

traceybath · 20/11/2008 14:21

She sounds unreasonable but to be honest what on earth are you cooking that it requires so many people to prepare it??

illgohometotara · 20/11/2008 14:22

YANBU she sounds like hard work even if parents are getting divorce no excuse for her expecting everbody to dance to her tune.

louii · 20/11/2008 14:23

Do u ask Fil and Bil to help as well?

No way would i be begging her to come, if she doesn't want to come just say ok no worries.

doggiesayswoof · 20/11/2008 14:23

I take it your PIL indulge this bratty behaviour? They won't have it if she isn't invited etc?

God she sounds a nightmare.

Upwind · 20/11/2008 14:24

Are you asking her to help but not expecting BIL, FIL or DH to do so? That would wind my sister up wonderfully

doggiesayswoof · 20/11/2008 14:24

Sorry PIL should have been FIL and BIL.

doggiesayswoof · 20/11/2008 14:25

Your FIL sounds like a pushover.

MmeLindt · 20/11/2008 14:27

YANBU

I would not be inviting her, and certainly not running after her begging her to come

My 6yo DD has better manners

Romy7 · 20/11/2008 14:28

so you invite her to lunch but then insist she comes early to help?

either don't invite her, or accept the fact she thinks she's a guest...

write a list of instructions for dh and let him get on with it whilst you watch telly. dh is perfectly capable of roast sunday lunch for 10 or less (with pudding lol). train him now, if you're finding it a bit much at 12 weeks then he needs to start pulling his weight before the fun really starts

there's not room in my kitchen for two of us - we argue and trip each other over.

thenewme · 20/11/2008 14:29

I am at a loss as to what you are asking of us tbh.

pagwatch · 20/11/2008 14:31

It sounds like a pretty stressful arrangement for everyone concerned. And I am not sure why cooking for that number of people is such a huge issue is it?

Why don't you stop fighting with her about it and tell her she is welcome to come and be idle if she would like to bring pudding.

She does sound a bit dramatic.

But to be honest your relaxed family lunch sounds a bit stressful. When we cook for everyone we never let them help. I hate people in my kitchen

BalloonSlayer · 20/11/2008 14:45

Am not sure what's so "a bit much" about cooking lunch for five people with your DH to help when you are 12 weeks pg.

She does sound like a princess but TBH so do you.

pania · 20/11/2008 14:54

Have I misunderstood the OP, or do you really text her saying "can you come early and help instead of just turning up when it's ready and complain all the time?"

Sounds like that would be guaranteed to make anyone not want to come!

pagwatch · 20/11/2008 15:10

I cook for five every night

Romy7 · 20/11/2008 15:12

dh cooks for five every night

Romy7 · 20/11/2008 15:12
Grin
pagwatch · 20/11/2008 15:14
Grin
BrokenliSpears · 20/11/2008 15:16

I think YABU.

LilRedWG · 20/11/2008 15:19

I think this must go deeper - it really has to.

That being said if I invited family to lunch and then singled out one of them to arrive early to help I would expect to be told to get stuffed. On the other hand, SIL sounds like a bit of a primadonna.

Me - sit on a fence - never.

cory · 20/11/2008 15:20

In my pregnancy this would have been sorted by dh doing the cooking and washing-up (though to be frank, not as early as 12 weeks, I was still capable of a full-time job by then). He is the host, she is not. If you text the only female member of the group and more or less command her to help, then you are saying something rather strange about the ability of men to do anything useful.

Romy7 · 20/11/2008 15:23

AND about the ability of pregnant women to do anything useful...

Original poster
June2009 · 20/11/2008 15:33

As I said, the original story was long and I cut it short, ther's much more of her behaviour that gets on my nerves.
I guess I just needed to get it off my chest.

We invite friends over all the time and it's never a problem or stressfull to cook for them because I know they will appreciate whatever I cook and always offer to help out, with her, she has a list of things she will not eat and will automatically complain about every single item on the table or the way it was cooked. she'll also say that she can do it much better when never does when the opportunity is there.
FIL and BIL will do their bit in turns or when asked, they always helped with more "manly" things like the bbq during the summer.

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask your family to help out when you're eating together every sunday. I would ask my own children to help lay the table and expect them to do it without being grumpy about it.

baloon8 maybe I am just jealous that she gets away doing nothing when were practically the same age.

I did not exactly invite them round my house, this is just how it turned out because of the divorce and them wanting to keep some kind of regular contact and family unit. I do ask her to bring pudding sometimes, everytime she'll cleverly mention the day before that she has no money (but shows up with latest games, nintendo ds, new clothes/shoes etc)

pania, we'll tell her to come around 2pm and she'll call back at 2:30 asking what time it's actually going to be ready 'cause she doesn't want to hang around. That's when dh suggested she come anyway and help out for once.
She also always brings a friend with her.

This is what she has been used to at home and Fil, dh and Bil all put up with her behaviour albeit complaining about it when she's not around.

OP posts: