to think my 27yo SIL is unreasonable? *Looong rant alert*

[June2009]

To cut a long story short, we have dinner round ours with FIL, BIL and SIL every sunday and although it's really nice to have them round, now that I am close to 12w pregnant it's a bit much to prepare and clean everything even with dh helping out.

Whenever we ask her to come and help she goes in a proper strop, claims that we're accusing her of not helping but that she does (she doesn't) then says that we don't love her, hangs up on dh and texts him saying "I'm not coming".
This has happenend a few times, all prompted by "can you come early and help instead of just turning up when it's ready and complain all the time?" culminating in her dad negociating to actually go and pick her up from home so she would come; that day we'd called her in turn all day to beg her to come as we wanted to announce our pregnancy to close family, by the time they got back everything was cold for everyone and when we told her about the baby she did not show any excitement.

I know she is stressed about her parents divorce but I can't help thinking she is a bit of a princess and she should get over herself.

at Cory - my dh suffered sickness, cravings, bad back, sleeplessness, the lot when I was pregnant. If you listened to him at the time, you'd have thought he'd given birth himself instead of just holding my arm when an IV was put in and then running round to watch the show going on round my fanjo!

OP, you can give ALL your guests jobs when they arrive and have a happy busy atmostphere going on in the kitchen. If SIL complains about anything then tell her she can do it herself her way next week. If she threatens not to come, let her go hungry, not your problem. I can't say I blame her for being pissed off if you expect her to help but no one else.

cory I probably should not have snipped my original post, that bit came across wrong, this is not how I think at all. Dh does help out and usually will cut/cook the meat while I do the vegetables/salad.
That day I was sick and there were 8 ppl eating and I could not help dh.

I do resent her attitude, but this has not come out of nowhere.

I feel I have to add another example of the type of thing she does to illustrates why I feel the way I do towards her sometimes.

When we had this meal with close family to announce our pregnancy we made clear to everyone present that we did not want them to tell anyone as it was still early.

Next thing you know she's told my MIL even though I made especially very clear I wanted to tell her myself and psyched myself up to go and see her and rehearsed what I was going to say. I still beleive after this divorce things will calm down between them and I want MIL to be part of my child's life.
It was important to me to do this as my dh and her are no longer on speaking terms. But SIL just had to call her and tell her first.

Then, SIL went and put the news on her facebook and made a scene when we asked her to take it off. We have mutual friends one of which is very close and has been trying for a baby and had treatment for a couple of years, I did not want her to hear it from facebook.

Blimey ladies, why the battering of the poor OP? Presumably a few of you have felt pretty shit before at 12 weeks pregnant? I'm sure she's aware that she's got a long way to go and if she feels shit now what will she feel like later on blah di blah di blah. It sounds like the weekly routine has developed due to family circumstances and is probably expected by everyone. I don't see why she shouldn't expect a family member to chip in, a roast is quite a faff to prepare, particularly if that person is always complaining and rude.

June - she sounds like a thoughtless cow, did you say anything to her about the facebook thing and telling your MIL about the baby?

f that was typical of her behaviour, I'm afraid I wouldn't want her as a dinner guest.
What does your DH think about it? if it was me, I probably wouldn't be asking her anymore.

And if it's too much trouble to prepare a meal, order a takeaway and get everyone to contribute.

If she's been telling people about your baby and putting the news on Facebook, then she is excited.

I'm not on Facebook but if I was, I think I would have to be very, very excited about someone else's pregnancy to put it on there.

Yes, I can understand that you find her a very obnoxious person. But it is misleading when you post 'Am I AIBU in this one particular respect', we say yes, and you then come back with 'But actually it's other things about her that I find annoying'.

I am still totally bemused by the fact that your dh "helps out". I don't call it that when my dh cooks a meal in his own house to entertain our own guests. Do you say that you "help out" when you do domestic tasks? And do you seriously mean that your dh is only capable of cutting and cooking the meat and that cooking vegetables on top of this would be too much for him? Sorry, but I am just fascinated by this insight into how other people live.

I think putting something all over facebook, when you've specifically asked them to keep it to themselves for the time being shows not excitement but a complete lack of respect IMHO!

Totally agree with cory. Yet another drip feed thread.

As for the idea of hubby cutting meat (presumably once it's all been cooked and prepared) and calling this 'helping out' I too am baffled.

If my SIL was this sexist I'd want to make a point too. Though come to think of it, my SIL is this sexist and I always offer to help anyway, though if it was a weekly event I might tire of it.

If it was the facebook thing then it sounds as if YANBU, but your original post does make you look U.

'A bit much'? I entertained 8 people (including self and DH) when I was 35 weeks pg!!

I don't expect people to help when they have been invited.

That said, your SIL does sound like a spoilt brat!

You don't sound like you really enjoy this Sunday lunch thing, so I would stop doing it. Maybe trim it down to once a month.

Really, it is not that big a deal cooking for people pregnant or not. You sound like a drama queen.

Yes Mabel I agree the Facebook thing is disrespectful but the reason I said the SIL was excited was that one of the charges the OP brought against the SIL was "when we told her about the baby she did not show any excitement."