At the attitude of this woman?

[angrypants]

Brief summary-

I am a SAHM with 2 children,DS is 7 and DD is 5.

DS has SN and has a 1:1 at school.

Both children have been ill this week and have had bad croupy coughs and DS has had a high temperature on and off.
They have been really out of sorts and not eating much and sleeping a lot which is out of charecter for both of them.

Have been ringing the school everyday and spoke to DS's 1:1 yesterday on the phone for about 20 mins nad she told me the school has a lot of childredn off at the moment with the same symptoms and advice from a letter from the school was to keep them off so as not to pass it on to others.

Anyway this morning a woman from parent support who has recently made herself known to me and attanded DS's statement review meeting the other week rang me.

She said she was in the area and could she pop in to discuss the meetingand how it went.
I had rung her last week and she did'nt get back to me and she made out I had'nt returned her call from last week.

I said it was unappropriate today as had both children at home ill .

She then went on to say it is not the first time both children have been off together and it rings alarm bells for school when both children are off and schools wonder if the children are really ill or off for other reasons.

She said the teachers are there to teach the children and when they are off it distrupts everything.
This is probably in reference to my DS's 1:1.

She also said the children are missing out.

I said I don't find it unusal that both children are off ill together as they are in close proximity(sp) to each other and why should that be ringing alarm bells.

She said most mothers send their children to school when they are ill but I said why would I do that.
Apart from the fact that they would pass on their illness to others.

I know feel I am damned because I did'nt send them and damned if I did as they had sent letters out last week saying their was lots of bugs going round the school and to keep children off.

I just wonder if the school had asked her to ring and pop round and feel I am being checked up on.

Do they really think I would keep them of school with no reason and make up they are feeling ill?

She has made me feel under suspicion of something and I know feel really crap.

Am I being over sensitive or are her comments totally uncalled for?

what's it to do with her?

if dc's are ill, they're ill.

yanbu. she is.

I think she sounds like a silly bitch and you should take no notice of her at all.

Of course siblings will be off together, they just pass on illnesses to each other!

Ignore her. I very much doubt school have asked her to check up on you.

and she is 'parent support'. Honestly, she sounds as welcome in your life as fleas.

My DSs are never damn well ill together. The next one gets it just when the other has gone back to school!

She's probably just doing her job and the points she makes are valid (people do take their children out "sick" because they know they won't get permission for authorised absence). I'd imagine she just needs her people skills improving.

She's an idiot, report her comments because she's being very unsupportive, she would have had some mothers in tears after being up with ill children all night to have to listen to that rubbish.

Gosh, I would be furious. How dare she! I dont understand what her role is - is she a volunteer or an employee of the school? Either way I would want the headteacher to know of the conversation, as she was very out of order on lots of levels, and I would expect the school would want to know and deal with this.

You know this is something I worried about both of mine were off ill Friday so its possible school may think we went away for the weekend - we didnt (and wouldnt) but I guess some people do.

Just ignore it you cannot control what other people think, if it really worries you I would do a letter to the head saying you were being considerate and kept your children off in the hope that other chidren wouldnt catch it.

What crap though my children are often ill at the same time.

angrypants, yanbu.

Reading what you wrote, I cannot really understand what this parent support woman is trying to tell you beyond casting aspersions.

It is a fact that the school informed you of the bug and to keep children off school. You have proof of that letter.

Both your children are ill with the bug. If you have seen a doctor, mention that fact. If not, just state calmly that they are obviously ill with that bug and you have to keep them at home.

If she goes on about how this is not the first time etc, just restate the fact that both are ill and you have kept them at home as required by the school.

If she still goes on, ask her if she thinks you are lying. full stop.

Let her answer.

If she says some more, again ask her if she thinks you are lying. full stop.

I would welcome her coming to you house to check for herself. Maybe she will pick up a bug or two.

She sounds like she is on a power trip. Be firm with her, she has no legal right to demand a meeting in your house when she feels like it. It is not unusual for DCs to be ill at the same time, she is talking out of her arse.

Oh temperature, sore throat & headache its spreading like wildfire at the moment you would think she should know that.

The thing is we have so much going on with my sons SN and he has 2 more more appointments coming up and waiting for a referral from the doctor for an ongoing medical problem that the school thought she would be helpful to me .
To be honest it's just another person to add to the long list of people to get involved in DS's issues and I have been dealing with this for the past 4 years.

Her sort of comments are not helping on my already high stress levels.

It would be interesting to know if the school know about this.

As when I spoke to DS's 1:1 yesterday she was very supportive and agreed there would be no point in sending the children back at the moment as they are both totally washed out and it would'nt serve any purpose.

This woman has brought back bad memories of an over bearing HV 4 years ago before DS was diagnosed who made me feel somehow to blame for DSs SN.

This woman knows about this and think she has been highly in sensitive.

I opened up to her about this and thought she understood.
Wish I had'nt agreed her to help now and beared my soul as know she seems to be using this againest me.

Making me out to being an over protective mother,which I may be guilty of but in the circumstances re my son and what I have had to deal with the past 4 years is understandable.

She's only doing her job. She will have come accross parents who don't care as much as you do about their children's education and has to make sure that you aren't one of them - she doesn't know you, afterall. Instead of being cross, be pleased that someone is bothered.

She is not employed by the school but runs parenting courses and is there if the school feel any parents need help in meetings and the such.

She visited our home a couple of weeks ago and sat in on a lesson in my DS's class to see for herself how DS was in school.
She then subnmitted a report for DS's annual review meeting.

So she is very new to our situation and does not fully understand DS's SN.

So yet another person jumping on the bandwagon thinking they can help without the experience.

Something I or DS don't need.

In fact the 1:1 told me just that morning they had sent a little boy from DS's class home as he had a high temperature.

I did'nt realise you need authorised absence for sickness.

See that really annoys me.
She is not doing her job.
She is being insinuating and over bearing on the basis of zilch information. And I bet she is only like this because she has stumbled upon a mum who is serious and careful with her children and can be intimidated.

And I would make a huge leap and guess( with no info to back it up but as she does I will) that she is rarely as 'professional' with parents who hang up on her or tell her to f off.
Now I would love to see her being quite so busy them

YANBU, clearly she cannot have children of her own if she cannot understand that with a lot of children's illnesses, if one gets it, the other gets it.
Yes, perhaps she thinks she is doing her job but there is a way of phrasing things and she doesn't appear to have done it too well!

She isn't jumping on the bandwagon - she is doing her job. She is employed to help you and ensure your DCs get the most out of school.

No, she is being a huge pain in the arse. Tell her to feck right off (only I'm sure you will do that nicely!)

wotulook has a point. Though it does not excuse the attitude of this woman.

People who come in contact with all levels of society can develop patronising attitudes to everyone eg doctors who deal with patients who are ignorant, HVs who deal with parents who could not care less.

They lump everyone into the same group. They need to be conscious of how they are coming across and their audience, because it is so easy to impliedly insult a committed mother who would never dream of taking her children off school for no good reason.

I avoid having long discussions with such people. I hardly saw my HV. I avoid telling my GP everything and nod benignly at any unsolicited and frankly patronising advice.

Sorry you are having a hard time with your multiple appointments. It sounds gruelling. Hang in there.

I am sure if she has done her homework on me,which you would think she would have ,she would see I am definetly not one of those mothers who don't care about their children's education.

In fact I have spent the last 4 years fighting for DS's support in school which he know has.
At the beginning and even know sometimes after DS's diagnoises it has been a long battle and is on going.

I have files of letters and reports from various professionals and my DS has seen so many different people over the past 4 years it has been hard going for him.

Not blowing my own trumpet here but I have pushed for it and he would'nt be getting the support now if it had'nt been for me.

So she should realise I take his education very seriously.

then she is doing it badly.
If her job is to help then that does not include being over brearing and making the parent she is supposed to be helping more rather than less anxious.

Either it isn't her job and she is being intrusive. Or if you think she is fulfilling her remit then she has done it so badly that she has made the parent more anxious rather than less.
Not very impressive either way.

Angrypants.
I had one like this. Sat through a meeting making such jaw droppingly inane comments that I finally asked her how much time she had spent with DS2 and she hadn't spent ANY . Didn't occur to her that she was wasting everyone time with her 'expertise'

If you let her in a bit she will realise that and could be a great help to you.

Angrypants, your commitment to advocating for your ds comes across so clearly in your posts. He needs you and you care. I know a mother with a son with special needs and 1-1 assistance. She told me she gave up her career because going to his appointments and fighting on his behalf (even in court) is a full time job.

Some people have lost the enthusiasm for their jobs. They don't particularly care and are just ticking boxes. Last thing they do is their homework.

I would hate for them to get you down.

Someone who is so overbearing and insensitive and downright insulting can never be a 'great help' to a perfectly competent mother. I also have a child with SN and have to deal with unwanted, unsolicited and unhelpful 'help'. We know the difference between helpfulness and the sticking in of oars.

If she is a volunteer, then she is a poor one.

Wotulook, in the OP's situation, how do you suggest angrypants 'let her in a bit'.

Well, explain to her how much she has fought to get help for her son, but do it in a calm and friendly way, making it clear that she would be grateful for any other help that could be offered as she is completely committed to the education of her children. Put the ball back in the lady's court.