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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be shell shocked by birthday party with 6 invited 8 year olds?

116 replies

jasper · 16/11/2008 19:43

I have 3 primary school aged kids and have a relaxed view of parenting so am used to considering my kids might well come across as not the most disciplined in the world.

Last night dd (8) had a party at our house with 6 invited classmates.

IT WAS CHAOS!

from the moment they arrived the 6 guests wreaked havvoc, shrieking and yelling, banging the piano lid ( repeatedly being asked not to)and generally behaving in a very bold and loud manner.

One boy just roared at the top of his voice for 2 hours.The rest were not much better.

Within a few min of arriving one little girl went round all the balloons bursting them with a sharp pencil.

I would be mortified if I thought my kids did this in other folks' houses.Maybe thay do???

As I mentioned I thought my own standards were not that high , but this behaviour is not acceptable in our house - far from it.

Anyway is this normal behaviour when a bunch of 8 year olds get together?

OP posts:
Fennel · 17/11/2008 11:55

I'm surprised at all the bad party behaviour, we have lots of children's parties and I'm used to 90% of the children behaving pretty well. Even though many of them won't behave well at home or at other places.

I suspect I'm just stricter than most when I get going. I'm used to ordering groups of small children around in authoritative tones. You have to develop a sort of brook-no-nonsense teacher tone which they are conditioned to respond to. I practised by copying my teacher SIL.

onthewarpath · 17/11/2008 12:04

Ds went to play outside with friends, it started raining and they all came back to ours. Now, like you I am not too strict and can see that children are children, but after 45'' I sent all of them back under the rain.

I am pretty sure that sometimes children think they can get up to allsorts of mischief they would not dare doing in their own home (moving the fourniture and then jump from one item to the other...) because they can see we are "nice" people, well, I wasn't that day... so no, YANBU!

Buda · 17/11/2008 12:15

Sounds horrendous!

I only have one DS so our house tends to be quiet and I can't really cope with lots of noise and shouting so if there are others around or in the car and they are shouting I do tend to do my very loud and strict voice. Shuts them up temporarily anyway.

at the broken sofa!!!

Aefondkiss · 17/11/2008 12:15

at this being normal behaviour... making note to never have that many eight year olds in my house for dd's birthday next year... this is why I love mn!

thumbwitch at your friend's response lol.

OrmIrian · 17/11/2008 12:19

jasper - IMO it's the fact that you are relaxed about parenting that you are so shocked. I am as well and no matter how 'challenging' my DC are at home they are always well-behaved when out. But I've seen some children whose behaviour at my house or at parties is unacceptable, who are ruled with a rod of iron at home.

Fennel · 17/11/2008 12:19

I'd phone the parents, ask them to come and fetch their misbehaving child (ruthless emoticon).

We also have a written list of House Rules on the wall. Visiting children are directed to it. It's very useful. They can't really argue against the incontestable House Rules. You could even have special Party Rules.

OrmIrian · 17/11/2008 12:20

ANd TBH it only takes one ringleader to start the riot. Otherwise nice DC can get drawn into it.

choosyfloosy · 17/11/2008 12:24

[ponders Lord of the Flies theme party for ds's 6th]

Original poster
jasper · 17/11/2008 12:25

OrmIrian I think you've got a point there.

OP posts:
MarmadukeScarlet · 17/11/2008 12:28

Orm, what is my excuse for being traumatised by a bunch of 9 yr old girls?

I rule with a rod of iron, def do not have a relaxed attitude to parenting! Several of DD's friends will not come for tea as I make them sit at a table (properly, bottom on chair) and eat instead of getting up and down. I am a well know 'mean mummy'.

My DS has SN (inc some behavioural) he is 4, even he understands we do not bounce on the sofa.

LurkerOfTheUniverse · 17/11/2008 12:31

we had a party of 15 6 year olds recently and it was like lord of the flies

my dp had to leave the room as they were all ganging up on him

LurkerOfTheUniverse · 17/11/2008 12:33

oh just saw lord of the flies already mentioned

i take it it's fairly standard behavoir then

Simplysally · 17/11/2008 12:34

I don't do parties in my flat - luckily I can get a free hall to use and the children in my dd's class are pretty well-behaved anyway, bar the odd tantrum or mood swing. We had an entertainer for dd's 6th birthday party and she congratulated the children on being so well-behaved when she was running it which I duly passed onto their form teacher. I've been to parties where I've considered scaling the walls to escape the bedlam, thankfully few and far between.

OrmIrian · 17/11/2008 12:34

I don't know marmaduke.

I don't have parties at home once DC are at school. I can't cope with the chaos and mess in my tiny little house. I did it once....

misselizabethbennet · 17/11/2008 12:42

Going out for a party isn't necessarily any better...

When my DS was 6 he invited all the boys in his class to a bowling party. About 10 of the children met at my house and we drove them (screaming) in two cars to the bowling alley, and another 3 or 4 were taken by their parents. In the car I got a sing-along going, so at least they were all shouting the same thing.

What followed was literally the most stressful afternoon of my life. The place was like hell on earth, incredibly loud music, all the kids taking their shoes off but there weren't enough storage places, kids running around screaming, and (I now realise) far too few mummies/family members trying to teach bowling and organise the games.

I positioned myself between our lanes and the door as I was paranoid that someone would run out. I spent my whole time screaming the names of individual children and sending them back to the lanes to have their go. Half the kids got their faces painted so I had to keep catching them and peering into their faces to work out who they were.

And then they turned the lights off and put the disco lights on!

Never - and I mean never again (although the children had a ball!)

Fennel · 17/11/2008 12:44

It helps to have several spare adults, to act as bouncers.

And you need to make it clear that activities, and food, don't happen until people are behaving.

I really like 5-10 year olds because I find them pretty easy to get to do what you want, in groups. Unlike toddlers who just rampage around lawlessly. I find 5-10 year olds are about the easiest to boss around (in a nice manner ).

I think parenting is bringing out my long-hidden inner guide patrol leader...

OrmIrian · 17/11/2008 12:45

I think I must have been quite lucky then - never had a problem when we've been bowling/swimming etc. I always assumed it was because they were totally occupied.

Simplysally · 17/11/2008 12:48

I find having a few adults who are happy to give orders help run things/marshal children is essential since I can't shout instructions. I'm better at one-to-one stuff.

elliott · 17/11/2008 12:55

Oh crikey, I really didn't need to read this now....two weeks away from ds1's 7th birthday party which is also my first attempt at a party at home. And it will be 7 or 8 boys....
I am aiming for structure but am really really worried that they will jsut refuse to do what they are asked.
eek. SOmeone please reassure me. If they get really bad I'll end up shouting at them and I really don't want it to end in tears...

stealthsquiggle · 17/11/2008 13:05

Elliott - confidence (or the illusion of it) is key - you need to perfect that voice which primary school teachers have which doesn't even consider the possibility of the DC not doing as they are told, and then recruit at least one extra adult helper so that you can 'time-out' anyone who won't co-operate.

It'll be fine (mantra - repeat as required)

Pollyanna · 17/11/2008 13:39

I agree with whoever said it can be one naughty one that leads the others pack like into a huge frenzy. We definitely had one at my dds 8th birthday - she will never be coming into my house again. [and her mother was 2 hours late picking her up the next morning too ]

It was our first experience of a party too - you live and learn

MadreInglese · 17/11/2008 13:43

OMG, we had similar a couple of years ago when we threw a Halloween party for about ten 8 year olds.

They were like wild blardy animals for 90 minutes running all over the house, then calmed enough to sit and eat, then once we managed to confine them to the dining room they danced it off for about 30 mins till the parents arrived.

Then we opened the wine!!

(although we have had other more sedate gatherings, I do think the excitement and the haribo had them whipped into a frenzy!)

mummag · 17/11/2008 13:57

all my kids have birthday within two weeks of each other so i had a huge joint bday party at village hall this year. Age groups were 6 4 and 1. Bit insane with hindsight and initially was madness, We then got their attention and got them focused and it was fantastic.....

mummag · 17/11/2008 13:59

meant to add would never ever have a party in my house...................

squilly · 17/11/2008 14:01

I SO Wish I hadn't opened this thread. I've got 25 x 7-8 year olds coming to the local church hall in January for my dd's 8th birthday. Til now, I've always done play area parties. I talked myself into believing a home party would be best (for a change)....WHY OH WHY OH WHY!!!! I am now dreading every minute even more than I was!!! [terrified emoticon]