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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

School Mufti day but only if you bring a tombola prize?????

189 replies

karise · 14/11/2008 10:56

Am a right to feel like I'm being taken for a ride?
School christmas cards, teatowels etc fine. Then we have a choice. But nobody wants their child to be the only one in school with their uniform on for mufti day so we all go along with it like twits
It just feels like mass bullying to me or am I being over the top?

OP posts:
ledodgy · 14/11/2008 11:15

I always bloody win the one bottle of cloudy lemonade that's been donated on the alcohol tombola.

karise · 14/11/2008 11:16

It has become a bit of a joke to see who gets their prize back
Lots of people just recycle what they won last year- what's the point in that?

OP posts:
seeker · 14/11/2008 11:16

So what do you suggest, Karise?

If we have a tombola at a school event it makes at least £300. Have you got an idea you like better that would make as much with so little effort and outlay by parents?

Oh, apart form the effort of the 3 people who sort the stuff, store it, stick tickets on it, forld the tickets, lug it back into school on the fair day, man the stall, and clear up afterwards.

And all you have to do is bring in a bottle of ketchup!

Annthecat · 14/11/2008 11:17

We're asked to bring in bottles. But of anything.

I often send bubblebath.

and have won a fruitshoot on the bottle tombola. Should I complain about that?

It's community spirit, all doing a little something, giving a little sometjing, joining in together.

get a grip.

PeachyAndTheSucklingBas · 14/11/2008 11:18

you know in the bd old days the evil head would personally receive donations and I suspect the cow did judge.

but the pta does it now and its just shoved on a trolley, no competition

its great that poeple want to donate in other ways and I am sure that would be welcome, but most parents seem to like this concept. The items go into a tombola at the school fayre, the tombola makes a bomb for the school and if we run the fayre we need to have stalls- as a PTA we seem yo provide most of the cakes etc anyway.

Annthecat · 14/11/2008 11:19

I won the cake I had made, for thr cake raffle once, and slaved over making it beuatiful etc.

I laughed. Should I have complianed?

ShauntheSheep · 14/11/2008 11:21

I think that tombola prize is reasonable but specific amount for Mufti or what ever is out of order IF people are being challenged for it. Donations should a)optional and b) non specific. Children should also not be picked on because their carers havent provided something either cos they cant or want or forgot. But then I havent yet come across a school where anyone says anything if you dont donate.

nbee84 · 14/11/2008 11:22

"Am a rediculous for thinking that parents should be making donations in a way they think can help rather than what the school tells you to do?"

It makes sure that they have plenty of things for the tombola. A lot of parents (me included some years) don't get round to sorting out their donations for the xmas fayre and some just don't bother anyway.

As for the competition over who can bring the best prize - in my experience it just doesn't happen. The kids are really not interested in what thetombola prizes are.

ledodgy · 14/11/2008 11:23

I prefer the tomobla donations to cash. We have both. Last week it was a pound each, this week alcohol, next week tins or packets.

karise · 14/11/2008 11:23

Oops sorry, I forgot- it's all about money! Never mind about doing things to help the children.
It makes me so cross that this is the only way parents think they can help! What's wrong with old fashioned helping out at school, or running an after school club or whatever. Oh yes, that would involve people giving time & effort, lets throw some more money at the school instead!

OP posts:
PrimulaVeris · 14/11/2008 11:33

Schools only have the resources to pay the staff and the bills, Karise.

Playground and sports equipment, library books, musical instruments and other resources all have to be paid for.

lovleygirls · 14/11/2008 11:34

YANBU. For me it does feel like parents have no choice. I would rather choose to take part or not but we can't as the children will be left out.

ProfYaffle · 14/11/2008 11:38

We have the same at our school too, except they're very specific about what we have to bring, bottle of alcohol or a selection box!

I don't really mind but they're asking for about 5 different contributions for the xmas fair and I'd prefer to be able to choose which one I was doing in exchange for non uniform day iyswim.

Annthecat · 14/11/2008 11:39

Karise, you can do both.

I presume you are on the PFA?? as you seem so anxious about giving your time and ebergy.

amess · 14/11/2008 11:41

While not objecting to school fundraising at all. I do think sometimes it causes unnecessary expense. For example, I have had to buy a new top because their casual clothes are not smart enough for school or they are a bit small or they wore that top last time. What was quite ridiculous recently was jeans for genes day. I had to buy two pairs of jeans to check which ones fitted properly (often the waist is a problem not just the length) and also because of the distance it would have cost too much in petrol and parking to make it worthwhile taking the spare pair back so I am holding onto them in the hope I can have a good reason (eg extra shopping) to return them before the return date expires. The same thing has happened with tops for mufti day for tombola gifts. So not only do I have to buy things for the tombola but also clothes for the child to wear. I could go on for example the worry the child has, the fact they don't want to wear what you have for them. Casual clothes are not always suitable for a particular day at school eg PE days a garment can fit and be lovely but be too dressy or flimsy having been bought for a special occassion and not having chance to wear it again. And yes I do try charity shops but usually no joy where I live.

ComeOVeneer · 14/11/2008 11:45

It isn't all about money, but as others have said the funds the school receives doesn't go far. We are currently raising in excess of £25,000 to redo the playground. A lot of people do give time as well as money. Those who are running the fundraising events, doing collections etc give a hell of a lot of their time, believe me as chair of our PTA I know!

wannaBe · 14/11/2008 11:51

so where do you think the money for your child to go on school trips comes from? Yes you as a parent make a contribution to the school trip but believe me school trips are heavily subsidized by the PTA and that money has to come from somewhere.

It's hardly bullying.

Get a grip.

wannaBe · 14/11/2008 11:54

in fact if you feel so strongly about it then join the PTA and find out what it's really all about.

PeachyAndTheSucklingBas · 14/11/2008 11:54

But arness isnt that alrgely self imposed?

we ahd the same issues with jeansfprgenes day, so I sent them in other trousers. The denim really isn't the point!

And ds1 has gone in today in a horrendous jacket (his choice), but expecting a new outfit each time would be ludicrous so he chose what to wear.

We have to find £5k to replace the stage as its a health and safety write off (indeed ahs gone, too dangerous). That's a fairly basic need for the school, its used for assemblies, lessons all sorts.

LAst year it was the only school piano and safety cushioning for under the play equipment.

Not luxury items but important ones I think. And we have to get it somewhow.

Now if people have issues with how w e raise it they'd be more than welcome to come along to the PA meetings or indeed we offer the chance to e-mail me (as Sec) with questions / comments. But I receive no e-mails, not even requests for e-minutes, and its the same old 3-4 people at each meeting.

parents suggested we change the meeting time to evenings, we did, my Dh even changed his shift to cover. Guess what? None of the ones who asked turned up.

There seems to be a very definite anti-PTA culture and I;d understand if anybody culd suggest an alternative that didnt mean the school doing without

Blondeshavemorefun · 14/11/2008 11:59

our school has this today

we had a letter home at beginning fo week, saying that they would like donations

and gave a list of things for example - tins of food, toiletres, drinks

but that is wasnt complusary

i for one dont see the problem in taking in a bottle of matey bubble bath

PrimulaVeris · 14/11/2008 12:00

What Peachy said about loose interpretation of jeans for genes and other themes

Up to you how you dress your child - what's needed is £££

DS has Children in Need non-uniform day today - £1 and wear a yellow top. We have no yellow tops. It doesnt matter.

sagacious · 14/11/2008 12:01

I'm on the PTA committee at my ds's school

Just organising mufti day in lieu of donations.

On the flyer it does say it is voluntary.

We do break it down into specifics (ie one class fills a bag with sweets, another has to bring in something a specific colour, or a bottle (we don't specify alcohol though thats always welcome and thats always given to the oldest class (ie yr6) as I agree its a bit much to have a 5year old with a bottle of whiskey!

But i'm gobsmacked at letter of complaint/spot the poor kid angle

PTA helpers grab the stuff from the classrooms when the kids are in assembly. We have no idea who's bought in what, and if they haven't donated its no problem and they certainly wouldn't be excluded

Sheesh

karise · 14/11/2008 12:01

Yes we do make specific contributions for school trips. And although I am not on the PTA I do help out at school & run after school clubs offering my areas of expertise.
And while we're all expected to offer tombola prizes in exchange for a mufti day if one child wants to do violin in year 2 they have to offer it to the whole class for the aims of inclusion.
Inclusion when it's convenient if you ask me

OP posts:
sagacious · 14/11/2008 12:02

Oh and I won a bottle of lambrini (the local chinese give them out free with orders over £10 and a length of tinsel last year!

HappyMummyOfOne · 14/11/2008 12:04

"Oh for crying out loud - mass bullying???????!!!! Letters of complaint????????

You mean you haven't got a tin of soup or a bottle of own brand ketchup or an unopened cake of soap you can send in?

As I keep saying - I do hope the people who kick up a fuss about this sort of thing make sure their children don't benefit from any of the stuff the fund raisers buy for the school!

God this attitude p*sses me off!!!! "

Fab post, well said Seeker.

We have three dress down days coming up for tombola items, wrap/cards and hamper items - its for a fab cause and the children love dressing down.

OP is very OOT - it's about raising money for the school for the extras that benefit your child/children. Bullying - fgs!!!