name changer here.
DH and I have separated, a large reason for this is due to his parents (mainly his mother?s) behaviour. We say we love each other but I cannot stand his mother?s behaviour and he says he is fed up with MY behaviour towards his parents. He is a mummy?s boy. This is going to be long, but please tell me if I am unreasonable because everyone including my own parents seem to think I am
I have been with DH for 11 years, married for 3 and we have an 8 month old baby. PILs never showed much of an interest in me. They would look at me as if I had 3 heads if I chatted away to them, I would get one word replies and I?d think they were really weird but that was really all. I would stay over at their?s no problems, go up for tea etc.
When I fell pregnant with dd, that?s when it began to change. She nagged me to go into hospital when I wanted a home birth (I did go into hospital but only due to complications during pregnancy), she criticised my decision to BF, turning to other DIL and saying ?good for you? when other DIL mentioned she hadn?t, making me feel like less of a mum or something and when I was in hospital due to placenta prevaria and lots of bleeding plus SPD, she visited only to spend the entire time talking about how tired and stressed my DH was!
Once dd was born, she was never away from here. She turned up at 10pm unnannounced, dd was in the mist of a colic episode, I was stressed and she proceeded to follow me around the house giving instructions when I just wanted her to FO. She would ask us to come up to hers all day Sunday and sulk if I did not want to, or if I wanted to leave after an hour or so. If dd was getting cranky and I wanted to go, she would ignore me and so would DH, because he wanted to keep his mum happy. DH works 6 days a week and sometimes Sunday overtime, so any spare time we have, I want it to be us three. So I stopped Sunday visits all together.
Now that has led to her moaning she never sees dd. When she does, it?s as if I don?t exist. She completely takes over and if I try to take dd, she turns away from me, or walks away, even if dd is crying for me. She says everything I do with dd is ?nonsense?, she says its my fault dd doesn?t sleep well because her boys were in their own room from birth plus if they woke, she would just leave them, which I don?t want to do with dd.
I tried to be nice though, at DH?s pleading, and invited her to visit us and to help bathe dd etc. She moaned to DH afterwards that she felt she was being supervised. She started turning up unannounced again 3 times that same week. Finally I told her to FO the third time and things have been strained since. Apparently, I am unsociable and queer.
She keeps asking for dd to stay overnight. I refuse, I don?t want dd to be away from me, especially if MIL won?t do things the way dd is used to. Plus MIL works full time, so it?s not realistic.
She encourages DH to leave me, hence the current separation, and apply for full custody of dd as that will allow them to see dd more, plus I apparently can?t cope with her! I?m very upset and scared I will lose dd. She encourages DH to have lads nights out, lads weekends away and never mind me left alone with the baby. She also keeps talking about a girl DH was ?close? to before we met (we were 16 when we met ffs!)
Anyway, my parents have been told the full story but they seem to think I?m exaggerating They say they are the grandparents, I am being unreasonable and I need to let PILs see dd. Its not the ?seeing? her that matters, its their behaviour when they DO see her, plus the amount of time they want to see her. I don?t think MIL will be happy unless dd was living with her or something!
I?m sick of feeling like the bad guy, and feeling guilty. I?m sick of DH promising to take my side but it only lasting a few weeks before he returns to being a mummy?s boy.
Please be honest, AIBU?